34 years old with grade 3 IDC

ButtaflyGrl_NZ

Hello Warrior Women,

I found a lump on the 21st of March and within 2 weeks I had my diagnosis. This is following from the miscarriage of my first pregnancy on Valentine's Day, suffice to say 2018 has been a disappointment so far. I have my big appointment day on Tuesday with surgeons, oncologists, imaging and fertility specialists. They give you a nurse to record discussions with Drs throughout the day so when you have questions you can call them and refer to the notes. I am overwhelmed awaiting a plan. My job thus far seems to be making everyone else feel OK with my diagnosis. I am worried about the financial impact at the moment, as well as the potential impact on my ability to have children. I am also living in a country thousands of kilometres away from my family. Sometimes a girl just needs her Mum, do you know what I mean? No family history, never smoked and all the alcohol I ever drunk could fit in one bottle of wine... only risk factor is a long term use of oral contraceptives. Any insight people have into the effect of various treatments on their ability to work would be greatly appreciated. Two mortgages and I worry about my Fiancè working himself into the ground keeping us afloat.

Thank you and sending strength to you all X

ButtaflyGrl_NZ

Bump

Egads007

Hi ButterflyGrl,

I was 49 at diagnosis and needed my mum. I was lucky enough to have her with me through the diagnosis/treatment, so I feel for you being so far away. I have nothing to offer on the financial end of things. I was lucky again to have an excellent short and long term benefit program through my job. I'm also in Canada and we have sick leave financial support if needed (small but something). If it counts for anything, I'm so sorry you have the burden of finances at this time, it's the last thing anyone needs while going through the treatment. I'm sure others here on the will be much more help in this regard, as soon many have gone through the same as you.

You could also post this into the Employment, Insurance & Other Financial Matters boards for more replies. Here's the link: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/113

My best wishes to you and your fiance for a smooth journey. Hugs!

dtad

So sorry you have to be here but welcome. I know you will find this forum both comforting and knowledgable. It always upsets me when someone young like you is diagnosed. Its never a good thing but at least I have grown children and grandchildren. Its just not fair! I totally get why you want your mum. To start do NOT blame yourself. Millions of women have been on the pill and never got breast cancer. You need to concentrate on yourself right now, not others! You will need all of your energy focused on getting better. We are all here for you. You will feel better once you have all the facts and a treatment plan in place. When you do get your stats could you please make them public so we can best answer your questions. Good luck and keep us posted. Please feel free to private message me if you want to talk more...

Lexica

Hi, Buttafly - 34 at diagnosis here, too. I'm sorry you're here, but glad you found this site - it has been wonderful for me. I lost my mom when I was 17 (not to breast cancer), and honestly, I never even thought about not having my mom around during treatment and diagnosis until, after a discussion about my family history, one of the oncology nurses said "this must be tough without your mom." Honestly, so many people step up and are there for you, even if you don't ask. Not to say that those people can fill your mother's shoes - because no one can do that - but, have faith and rely on the people that want to help. They'll be there. Like dtad said - we're here for you, too. This forum is great - especially when you need the perspective of someone who has been through this, or is going through it, too. *Hugs*

Anonymous

Hi there,

I hear the dismay in your post about how it feels kind of like our bodies turned on us when we believed we were doing everything we could to keep ourselves healthy. When I learned about how our cells go haywire for no reason it still didn't make me feel better, but we must not take on the incorrect responsibility that we gave ourselves cancer in some way or we should have been able to avoid it. Point is we just don't really know (yet) what drives one human to c and another to avoid it.

Try to think of cancer as another disease, like diabetes, heart disease, etc that would be dangerous to us if we didn't treat it. Take the power out of it. Cancer IS simply another disease, and if treated properly can be stopped in its tracks or even cured in some cases. Diabetes can kill us too--so can so many other diseases if not treated--so perhaps try to tell yourself cancer is just another treatable, even curable disease.

I probably didn't say very much to help, but I do understand wanting your mom, or some comfort when we are scared. I found a lot of relief by reading all the women's stories at this website who had at least the same or worse dx I did, and are here years and years later.

Hugs

Claire in AZ

ButtaflyGrl_NZ

Thanks everyone. Found out my cancer is triple negative today. I opted chemo before surgery due to Larry's (my tumour) size and maybe save my breasts if I can have kids maybe I can breastfeed. Also triple negative can also respond well to chemo so hoping for that. All big IFs right now. I met with the surgeon today, oncologist Thursday, have imaging next week and am awaiting fertility and genetic testing appointments. The fertility appointment is very important to me due to my age and recent miscarriage. So I am keen for that information to see what, if anything, I can do to preserve my fertility. I feel a bit better having the outline of a plan at least...

Egads007

You named your tumour Larry....that’s awesome! My DH and I called mine Lumpy Rutherford (from the 1950s tv show Leave it to Beaver). Glad to see your sense of humor is intact lol!

Yes, once the plan is in place I think we get a sense of having more control over the future. Wishing you all the best and a smooth ride through it all....especially the fertility issue Hugs!

foreverfaith

Buttafly- So sorry you have found yourself in this situation. There is nothing that can prepare us for something like this. I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago. So, I am still in a bit of a waiting phase. Haven't started any treatment yet. I know there is a million and one things going through your mind and so many worries. I think we just gotta try taking one thing at a time.

I'd like to share a really great story with you since I know you are very young and concerned about the ability to have children. My neighbor was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early 30's. She was BRCA+ and chose to undergo double mastectomy due to strong family history of breast cancer. She did not have any children at the time. Her doctors recommended ovary removal as well and told her that they would give her one year to try and get pregnant, then she would need ovary removal regardless of whether or not she was successful in conceiving.

Fast forward 3 years. She is cancer-free, healthy, living life and has a beautiful baby boy that is almost 1 year old. We can conquer this ugly disease! Sending you prayers and hugs!

peyton3

Hello ButtaflyGrl,

I too was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and mine was a grade 3 also. I did sixteen rounds of chemo before having a bilateral mastectomy followed by immediate reconstruction. The chemo had completely destroyed the cancer. Do your home work, make sure your surgeon is very experienced in mastectomy and also your plastic surgeon if you have two. If you have any doubts get a second opinion.