Going to have double mastectomy -- Sex before surgery and after?

Juniper81

In between finding out you were going to have mastectomy(double in my case) and the surgery. Did you have sex? I want to be intimate, I want to feel all the feels that my boobs can feel while I can. But I am worried I will cry when my husband touches them and it will ruin things. I am not sure how much time I have because I am waiting my date from the surgeons.

My husband is very supportive. 6 months into dating I found out I had rare form of ovarian cancer and he did not leave my side. We moved in together and he took care of me. Almost 8 years later,now facing loosing both my breast he tells me over and over nothing will change and I know he feels that way. But I am not sure I know I will need therapy to work on it. I feel like I am letting him down. I know this is not true, he is amazing. This is one of the hardest part for me with loosing my boobs the intimacy loss and feeling loss.

Peacetoallcuzweneedit

Juniper81 - hey if you feel like doing it - I would say go for it, unless you just had your biopsy and are in the process from healing from that....usually like a 3 day activity restriction. It sounds like your relationship is solid, so if you start crying, then my guess is you both will handle it and it will be ok..... the last thing I wanted to do was have sex, so I applaud you!! There are so many ups and downs on this road...so I would say start surfing Juniper....and don't give breast cancer all your good moments....peace to you...

bella2013

Juniper81, I am 1 month post op for BMX with DIEP Flap reconstruction. You are early in your journey so it’s natural to be concerned about the bilateral mastectomy and the physical result of that surgery. My husband too was wonderful and said he wanted me not my breasts. I could only think about standing nude in front of the bathroom mirror with a scarred chest where my breasts used to be.

The reconstruction options that will be available to you will make you feel whole again. You can have beautiful breasts again. It’s traumatic to lose any part of our body. A friend who is a breast cancer survivor has a t-shirt that says:

“Of course these are fake! The real ones tried to kill me!!!

Think about it😊. Sending you hugs

Cpeachymom

Juniper81- I agree with peacetoall- if you want to, go for it. Yes , I had sex with my husband before my surgery And as soon as I had my drains out afterwards. Not gonna let cancer take that from me! It will be weird, but discuss it, talk about it. And sexy nighties helped me feel comfortable and covered after, without recon.

Juniper81

I love this: "Of course these are fake! The real ones tried to kill me!!!

Momine

It is obviously a change, but many men deal with it just fine. As far as the "feels," a lot of my nerves reconnected (no recon). It took a long time and was very gradual, but I definitely have feeling in my chest. Not as much as I had in the originals, but quite a bit all the same.

NotVeryBrave

The last time my husband and I had sex before my BMX, I think we both cried. It's a scary thing to contemplate - both the big surgery and all that's involved with that AND the emotional part of how you'll deal with it.

Please don't feel you've let him down. How could you? No one would choose to go through any of this. And your breasts do not define you.

Sex will return when you're ready. Have you considered whether or not to do reconstruction? I was able to have implants placed at the time of surgery. I have some feeling (more than I did initially) and my husband thinks they look good.