Exhausted/the blues AFTER benign findings??!?

Egads007

Hi all,

I got some whewwwww! benign results at my diagnostic mammogram this past Monday. Since then I just can't seem to pull it together. I'm still exhausted.....and feel slightly down in the dumps. How crazy is that?? I know I should be full of P & V because of my good results, but can't seem to pull it together. At this point I'm rolling with it and taking all the naps I want and ignoring my kitchen floor that looks like a jigsaw puzzle of stains. I put masking tape over Mr. Clean's picture on the bottle just in case he tries to guilt me out. I assume this is all a direct result of having been a nervous wreck thru the 3 week waiting period. I know I'll bounce back.

Question is.....has anyone else had this kind of reaction AFTER getting GOOD results or am I just a ungrateful putz?

holliewood

I have. Yesterday I got the test results from my bone scan, which said no mets found. The adrenaline dump nearly made me cry and I ended up exhausted in the afternoon. I have not hit depression (yet?), and may not as I am usually a glass half full kind of person, but the exhaustion, for sure. It's not just the incident itself, it the underlying constant strain of wondering, thinking and worry. That all adds up and takes a toll. Be nice to yourself, do what you need to in order to get past this. Big hugs to you and congrats on the good news!!

Egads007

Thanks Hollie, and a big congrats and hugs on your results...always a good thing, yay us!

I’m not depressed more than having a case of exhausted blahs. The science behind it makes sense, extended periods of stress lowering serotonin levels (the happy hormone). I know that I have to get moving, exercise etc and get my physical self back in order. Waiting is traumatic, and bound to have effects....I’ll rest for the weekend and then the party is over Monday!

Appreciate your input...and another congrats on your results!

mustlovepoodles

You're not crazy. I don't know what mechanism is at work here, but I have experienced it myself.

My DH has been disabled with heart and lung disease for about 12 years. In 2014 he suffered failure of a heart valve. He needed open heart surgery, but his health was so precarious that his doctors didn't think he would live through it. It was a very dark and scary time for us. One surgeon decided to take the risk knowing that without surgery he would certainly die. Amazingly, DH managed to survive.

So why wasn't I exorbitantly happy? Why I did I feel so irritable and morose? Wasnt I happy that my DH lived? I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself. And worse, i couldnt even tell anyone! Ultimately, i came to understand that this was a product of the months of fear and anxiety, sort of a letdown experience driven by chemicals in my body, not thoughts. Turns out it was a form of PTSD. Medication helped, and time.

Talk to your doctor or therapist. You don't have to just "live with it."

Egads007

Mustlovepoodles (I just love your screen name!) I’m so sorry to read about about your DH’s situation, and the fact that you both have to deal with so much on your plate. My heart goes out to you! I’ve often thought that all of us suffer the PSTD thing in one form or another. I agree wholeheartedly with your opinions and will definitely seek medical advise as you did if this feeling doesn’t lift in a few days, you’re right I don’t have to live with it

momto3sons

I definitely felt the same way after getting my benign results, and thought I was crazy lol!. I think a lot of it was from all of the anxiety that I had been dealing with since this all started with my abnormal mammogram on 12/22/17.

I think another part is that I still felt like I was in lmibo - while my findings were benign, I'm now in the "high risk" category. And it's not that I was wishing it would be cancer, but I felt like at least there would be more a plan moving forward if they had found cancer in the biopsy...now I'm wondering how many more years I'll be in this wait-and-see approach.

Denise-G

My sister and I - both breast cancer survivors - have discovered through the years that whether you get good news or bad news, after so much stress and anxiety, your body cannot tell the difference as it is a PTSD reaction. It always takes us time to process. Give yourself some time.

Egads007

Momto3sons....great point regarding the no plan/wait and see for years feeling. Definitely part of it....kinda sorta like an anti-climax. Lol I hate that word since I discovered tamoxifen!

Denise - agree 100% on the PSTD fallout. So very true! Btw I checked out your blog, what a great resource for survivors...and what strong women run in your family! I recommend that everyone drop by your blog for a wonderful read!

Just to let y'all know I'm feeling so much better now. Back to the gym again...just about killed me but I did it without falling asleep behind the weight racks! Got the laundry caught up (I hate laundry!) and my kitchen floor personally thanked me for giving it a youthful glow!

Big thanks and hugs for all the replies...makes such a comforting difference!

DeepWaters

Wow--I felt the same way! I think I sort of mentally put my entire life and all my responsibilities on hold while awaiting "my fate". Then when I got the good news, I was relieved. But suddenly I felt all those previous plans, responsibilities, and my normal future (before the scare) come crashing back down on me all at once. It was like, "Oh, I don't have cancer. You mean I actually have to be a responsible adult again?" During the diagnosis process, the idea of "cancer / no cancer" had been my constant "thought companion" and I put everything else, and everyone else, and every thought else aside. The return to the reality was like the ice bucket challenge everyone was doing a while back.

So Egads--I know this is a bit of an old thread. But I'm so happy for your good results and totally get the reaction!

twinmamax2plus1

I SOOO relate to this. I honestly thought I was nuts for thinking this. I recently had a stroke (5 months ago) and when I was becoming a new patient in Mayo Clinic I had to have a complete physical. Enter my first mammogram. 9:30 am next morning i was called back for diagnostic mammo, ultrasound and they said I need a core biopsy. What the wha??? My head was spinning. The radiologist levelled with me and showed me & my parents the scans and told me I had breast cancer. She said she was 98% sure, gave me a birads 5 and told me next is core biopsy to find out what type of cancer we were dealing with. I mourned. Hard. Real hard. My husband, children, sisters were mortified. My world came crashing down when I had the stroke and I was having a hard time dealing with just that. Now this. For 2 weeks I wrestled demons and damnit i won. I decided to accept my fate and fight with all my heart. I survived my stroke... I'll survive cancer.

And the biopsy results come back. "you're never going to believe this. you're a miracle. we couldn't believe it & couldnt wait to tell you... it's benign!!" I literally couldnt say anything. My jaw dropped open. No sound. I muttered a weak "Oh thats great".... but privately I never recovered. I mean i was elated, relieved, even happy.... but inside i didnt understand what just happened.

So I still had to have an excisional biopsy.. which i had a few days ago. They said that biopsy came back benign with ALH but the important thing to concentrate on is benign. I go on Jan 2 for post op check up and I guess they'll explain more what happens here on forward.

Thank you for making this post. I didn't think anyone understood. Its almost embarrassing to admit!! My mind is still trying to wrap itself around all of this... it's like I "get" the science of all the facts and findings, but my emotions are left to recover devastation that I'm hoping will lessen over time.... Will it?

SarBar22

OMG I thought I was the only one!! I had completely prepared myself after being told they were 75-80% sure it was cancer. I couldn't think of anything else for 10 days...and of course I wasn't super busy at work or at home, so this occupied all of my brain power. And then when it came back benign I was just exhausted, obviously happy, but drained. Surgery to remove it is in 3 weeks, and then hopefully this whole thing will be over! But, like momto3sons, I am also high-risk and so I know this probably won't be my last go around with the tumors that pop up, the biopsy, the waiting...

The only thing I can hope is that, after this experience, even if they tell me again there's an 80% chance it's cancerous I'll be like "okay but last time it turned out fine!". So, focusing on the positive and trying to get back to normal Bless all of you dealing with this on a constant basis. I can only emulate your strength, you're all amazing!

LoveFromPhilly

when my mo called me after my last set of scans (in October 2018) to tell me that I am “stable” I had like zero emotional reaction! My friends and family were jumping for joy and I was kinda blank!

Forward to my MO appointment two weeks later - I had my MO read through my scan results with me piece by piece so I could be 100% certain that what he said was true and real. And then it hit me more and I felt a release from a tightening or contraction that I’d be in of a holding pattern for quite some time.

Stress does incredible things to the body - and I have no doubt in my mind that we somatically express our stressors physically and mentally. Once my rational brain could make sense of everything, my emotional and psychic body could let go and I was able to have some fun

MrsECarnegie

@momtosons, my family history is bad for breast cancer, so when I found a lump recently, I was getting ready to get the news. While waiting for results, I researched what I would want to do. I had a plan. But then the biopsy came back negative for cancer and is totally benign. And now I’m sitting here thinking ‘ok that’s great, but what do I do now?’. Stress out over every little thing wondering if this is going to be the time? Waiting until it’s my turn to get it? Screw that lol. I’m currently looking into getting a preventative mastectomy.

But it was so weird to be, not disappointed, but some feeling similar to it getting the all clear. I had to ready myself for that dreaded result that I didn’t prepare myself for a good one.

Denise-G

My sister and I discovered the same thing DURING cancer treatment.  We were so used to getting bad news, that when we got good news, it felt the same.  We could not differentiate the two for many days after...the stress takes its toll.

I think that is what you are experiencing.  You cannot feel the good news yet.  It takes awhile.

AliceBastable

I never freaked out when I got the diagnosis (or diagnoses, since I had another cancer last year). But it might be because I'd had a different one ten years before, so my reaction this time was more, "Oh, really, that crap again?" I seem to be on the route to good boob news after a PET scan this week, but the kidney area's iffy so I'm still in cancer limbo. Ah well, I'm too old for cartwheels anyway.