Liver mets and an existential crisis

PrincessPincushion

I feel good. There are so many potential treatments available for bc. So why do I feel all of a sudden that I should start getting my affairs in order now?

My desperation to know something, to make some sense of the tragic responses of everyone at the cancer center, to figure out if I'm justified in my optimism or if I'm in the deep denial of absolute ignorance, led me to do the unthinkable and go online to see stats and do some research about liver mets (boy do I regret that momentary lapse of judgment). The only thing I found that I could make sense of was an article from 2010 that said that the life expectancy for liver mets is 4.5 - 12 months.

I reject this absolutely. I refuse to accept that I may not see my 15 year old celebrate her 16th birthday.

But at the same time, I wonder if I should start writing those letters I want to write to my husband and our girls for those special milestones I may never see... college graduations... my daughters' wedding days... the birth of my first grandchild... my 25th anniversary just two years away. I'm thinking about what treasures of mine I want to hand off to my girls and my best friends.

I don't want to be morbid. I'm not giving up. I haven't even started on my new meds yet. But I want to be prepared. So... after a ER/PR+ HER2- liver mets diagnosis, how soon is too soon to start thinking of these things?

Tina2

AB,

You ARE justified in your optimism. Science proves it.

Any study on BC published in 2010 is from the Dark Ages, relatively speaking. New treatments are being developed and become available all the time. Any article from long-ago 2010 may have dismissed Ibrance as a good name for toothpaste!

And what do you mean by "..the tragic responses of everyone at the cancer center?" I hope it's not what I think--that you live in one of those towns in which people seem to think having cancer is an automatic death spiral.

I would bet you are not going anywhere soon. That said, you would not be morbid to write letters to your husband and children, or to designate what treasures they should receive. You may be around for many more milestones than you expect!

Tina

PrincessPincushion

Thanks, Tina.

I guess I'm still in reaction-panic mode.

It was so weird at the cancer center. My doctor told me I took the news better than he did, and 3 separate nurses (who have become more like friends than anything over the last 6 years) came up and gave me huge hugs. They've never done this before. It made me nervous like, what am I missing? But maybe it's just that they were disappointed that I'd gotten bad news (since I came out of his office a horrible blotchy soggy mess).

Thank you for reminding me that 2010 really is Dark Ages compared to now. I'm really hoping for good, quick results from the Faslodex. I don't do sick well. I get cranky.

I'm going to get some things done for the just-in-case, because then I'll feel less panicky if I hit another obstacle, but I think I'm going to stick with my original plan of living to 90. 😊