Unicorn in the kitchen

lola12

Hi All,

I am usually one of the worriers writing on some of the other topics on this board, but today was an interesting day for me and I thought I would share. Am I crazy or am I just letting go of my breast cancer worry in a small way?

I was diagnosed with breast cancer Stage 1A in 2010. I had a unilateral mastectomy and breast reduction in the remaining breast. I have been rotating mammogram and MRI every 6 months for 8 years now, and this year my insurance company denied payment of MRI.

My oncologist said to me that the MRI's are probably overkill at this point. I have somewhat dense breasts and she was going to try to get them done for as long as the insurance paid. Well, they paid for 8.

The worry of MRI scans is over, the worry every 6 months has changed to worry every year, I should be ecstatic right? I was for about 5 minutes, then the "what if I regret not fighting to get the MRI came to my mind". I

t was followed by the what if I am making a mistake, my surveillance is now gone. But it is not needed, or is it? I played with these reactions for a good hour. I cried.

The knot in my stomach over worrying about getting the MRI now turned into the knot in my stomach over worrying about not getting the MRI.

I cried some more, then decided to refocus my mind. I booked a trip to Italy that I have been saving 8 years for. I started saving after my diagnosis. Rome, Venice and Florence.

I worried when we stopped doing tumor markers last year, and today I worried about getting an MRI and not getting an MRI.

As my daughter always says, the unicorn sitting in the kitchen just told me that I am not crazy and all is going to be ok.

But is it?