Afraid

Kati218

Hello all. I was diagnosed this week and I am terrified. I so many emotions going through me. I have IDC with a 9mm tumor on my left. I have an appointment with a surgeon on Tuesday.

I'm feeling very alone and scared of the treatment, the outcome, of it coming back once cured

Meow13

Kati, did you ask for any anti anxiety meds during this time. This is the worst time, you will be getting more info on hormone and her2 status. The treatment is scary but once you know what it is you will feel better.

I was absolutely horrified that I needed a mastectomy not lumpectomy. I had reconstruction and it looks really good.

For 2 months or more all I could think about was the cancer, after surgery there was a sense of relief.

Kati218

I have not asked for anything yet. I feel like I'm fine for a bit and then I don't.

Falconer

Kati- all of us have felt the fear you're experiencing. It's good you have an appointment soon and will have answers about your treatment plan. It's scary but you'll see the other side of this. Good luck to you. Keep with these boards for support as it's a lifeboat !

Wildplaces

Kati,

You are not alone.

You are probably going to have a rough few month but you will get through it and most likely will be fine. Write down ALL your questions for your appointment and take someone you trust with you if you feel you need another pair of ears on Tuesday.

If the biopsy showed IDC they should be able to give you an idea if it is hormone positive. It's important to know if possible before Tuesday as it will guide some of the treatment options that will be discussed

Deal with what you know. A lesion of under 1 cm is very early disease. It can be treated.

😊

Moderators

Kati,

We're so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. But, as you can already see, you've joined a wonderful Community here, always willing to offer help, support, and advice.

You may want to check in on the IDC forum and introduce yourself to others who have a similar diagnosis. There's lots of members there who can share their experiences and offer you support.

We hope this helps and look forward to hearing more from you soon as you navigate your diagnosis and treatment!

--The Mods

Mtn_gal

Hi Kati,

I was just diagnosed yesterday.(1/19) My best friend and my younger sister just went through all of this, so I feel like I've had a lot of knowledge as I start this journey. There are some great resources and it was helpful to look at some of the threads here.

Hugs to you! We are in this together!

Idkidk

hi all,

I am

• Newly diagnosed and this is my first post and I so didn’t wanna post here, it makes it all too real posting here. But the courage I see here gives me hope for I just don’t know if I can do this.
• So Far I know I have IDC with 2 masses and one is 9cms. Ultrasound showed abnormal lymph nodes.
• Monday or Tuesday I will receive my markers yippie.
• I just can’t believe this. 18 months ago I had a mammo and they called to say pre cancerous cells.
• Then they called back saying nope all is ok.
• And now this diagnosis.
• Guess it’s my fault, they did say come
• Back in 6 months but I did not.

Kati218

Hi Mtn Gal - thank you for replying. Has knowing what they went through helped you

Kati218

Idkidk - I know what feelings you are having, it's overwhelming. You can send me a message any time. I've received some great advice on here.

Idkidk

Thank You Kati,

• It just doesn't seem real. It's like ok but nah can't be.
• Then the selfish why me I ask myself, but why not me I know.
• I don't know what to do. I just moved into my new house, had contractors in the middle of re modeling the house and I just stopped it all thinking Wow can't spend lavishly anymore. Everything they did I complained about the tinniest thing, now it seems I wasted so much useless time on things that don't really matter. I feel like what's the use now.
• My Dad passed away from lung cancer when he was 56 after 3 years almost of useless chemo and rads and is it all worth it. Maybe doing nothing is better.
• Idk anything anymore, that's why my profile name fits me now.
• I'm here as well if you need to talk. Thank you and I pray for you and all of us.
• I read what I wrote and I don’t sound encouraging sorry. With time perhaps

Donna0904

I can totally relate. Just diagnosed this week! Waiting on more path for type and then scans. Not glad it’s happening to any of us, but grateful their are others just starting to help walk this path!!

Stay strong... we will beat this!!

Kati218

idkidk and donna0904,

Thank you for your replies. How are you both doing? It is overwhelming for me and my mind is just racing. I hope we all get constructive replies here along with people who can relate

Paco

Kati218 I have an appointment with the BS today at 11 am. I was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 through a core biopsy on 12/28 and an MRI and I share your fears. Nobody else in my family has ever been diagnosed with breast cancer, or any other cancer for that matter. I'm blazing this sorry trail. At 48 years old, I feel too young for this. I hate that I have to choose between the drastic measure of BMX or lumpectomy and rads, but I also don't want the anxiety of mammograms every 6 months. I also feel pretty alone in all this. Good luck to you tomorrow!

wallan

Hi kati128 and Idkidk:

I think its normal to feel freaked out when you are diagnosed with cancer. It is scary and it is traumatizing. Lots of women take anti anxiety meds to help with the fear. You are both in the scariest phase right now - waiting for treatment options, then wondering about going thru treatment. Its the unknown. And we all hear scary stories. We have to remember that is not our fate.

Just know that BC is treatable and the odds are with you. The odds are much much better than lung cancer. My dad died from lung cancer too.

I had stage 3a BC 14 years ago and had mastectomy, chemo, radiation, hormone therapy, and my uterus and ovaries out. I was 41 years old at the time. I have had no recurrance, even though I was told I would likely recur in 2 years.

The second time I was diagnosed in the other breast. 9mm IDC, no nodes. I had another mastectomy, no radiation, no chemo and only hormone therapy with only a 10% chance of recurrance in 10 years. Thats a 90% chance of no cancer again for BC anyways.

I am just finishing up my reconstruction - last surgery on Wednesday. Its exciting to have new boobs.

So what I am saying is hang in there and realize you have more chance of surviving BC than dying from it. Alot more chance.

wallan

Georgia1

Hello everyone and gosh, I'm sorry so many of you are starting this unwanted "adventure." To those of you with 9mm masses and no lymph node involvement, please know the journey is tough but you will come through it much faster than you think. Lumpectomy + radiation was my choice, and the odds of recurrence are the same as with a masectomy. So find a good breast surgeon, with lots of experience, and explore all of your options. If there is lymph node involvement (which you probably won't know for sure until after surgery), it is trickier. But as others have said, BC is very treatable and medical care is so good now.

We are all here for you. Look at our signature lines for our personal BC stats, and call on us anytime.

TaRenee

The fear can be overwhelming at times. Especially when you don’t know what is going to happen. It took from June to August for me to get a plan. Once I had a dx and a surgery plan and then a treatment plan I felt better.

Advice I got when I was where you are now:

• Breathe
• Get out and walk some. It helps with anxiety
• Eat healthy now. If you aren’t already. Clean up your diet
• Hydrate. Water became my new best friend and it still is. It helps with leg cramps
• Rest. Relax. That sounds easy but it’s not. But listen to your body and if you are tired, rest.
• It’s okay to be angry
• It’s okay to cry
• Talk to people you are comfortable with and build your local support system. And don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it
• And finally, we are all here for you. We have all been in that awful waiting stage.

Hang in there. With answers comes some relief. Just having a plan in place helped me because I knew what I was doing.

EastcoastTS

Kati:

I can't really add more except I'm sorry that you're here. But so glad you found us.

Certainly can't say it better than TaRenee!

Ask any and all questions. We're here for you.

Kati218

Thank you everyone for your replies. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around this. I have an appointment with a surgeon this morning.

Beatmon

To all....crazy as this seems....it becomes normal because you don’t realize how strong you are until you have to be strong!! You get your plan and get through it.

Best of luck and keep in touch

ml143333

It is okay and quite normal to be scared, but you will get through this. Once you meet with your surgeon and you get a firm plan in place and everything gets started, you will feel a bit better mentally - like you have some control.

Keep your head up!

bluepearl

Kati...that 9mm is very small and it may not even be all IDC tumour either. I get where you are coming from and I can assure you it gets better when treatment plans are in place. Do not fret over the treatments either....you may not need chemo or radiation depending on your choices and depending on other factors of the tumour.....but 9mm IS small. Mine were 1cm and 7mm and didn't get chemo...and because I was HR+, just tamoxifen. I chose mastectomy both times but you don't have to. Best wishes sent your way, love!!!!

msphil

I felt those feeling as I believe most of us did I too asked for anxiety meds it did help. But sweetie once treatment plan in effect things will calm down I too had feelings after treatment of it coming back But the I got on my Positive thinking and said each day n nite I will get thru this. and cancer u have to leave my body. Praise God I am a 24 yr Survivor this yr. I wrote book bout my experience also as I was planning my 2nd marriage..msphi idc stage2 0/3 nodes Lmast chemo before n after surgery got married then 7wks rads ..5yrs on Tamoxifen. Positive thoughts

Alicethecat2

Ladies who have just been diagnosed

Six years ago, an 18-year survivor, the wonderful Ms Phil, reached out to me on this board when I was diagnosed with HER2+ Grade 3 tumour.

She's now a 24-year survivor and I'm a six-year survivor.

Hoping for the best for you.

Alice

Idkidk

Hi Katie and all .Thank you all for the encouragement, I pray one day soon to sound as you all do, which is positive .

• Right now I just have this heavy cloud over my head
• It’s like a dream I’m waiting to wake up from.
• Falconer - I’m also from NYC, Staten Island to be exact.
• Are you being treated at Sloan ? I’ll be going there as soon as I get a definite diagnosis.
• So far they think it’s stage 2, they think it may be in nodes, they think the redness is not IBC.
• I lost it today with the poor doctor. I said all this thinking ? Omg give me a definite answer.
• They wanna do an MRI, waiting for an appointment.

Let’s just kick cancer’s butt all of us.

Georgia1

ldkidk, everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, if that helps. It does seem so unfair and unreal, especially at first. If you haven't already, could you ask for copies of your mammogram and ultrasound reports as well as your biopsy report? Some of us can help you decipher them and give you a "second opinion" if that would be helpful. And best of luck with the MRI. It is loud but not painful.

TaRenee

idkidk Good for you. I think sometimes our doctors forget how frustrating and scary it is for us. Unfortunately this is the hurry up and wait stage. I hated it. I just wanted answers. It does get easier, if not better, once results are in and they can give you more than “I think”. Hang in there girl. We got ya

Meow13

I took anti anxiety drugs for 2 months after dx, was fine without it after I had surgery and started the AI drugs.

Kati218

Msphil - thank you for the information. Is your book available to read?

All the others, thank you also for the post. It helps to know others are going through this also

Idkidk

• Thank you for the encouraging words. Yes they do seem to perhaps forget how we feel.
• I’ve read the mammo and ultrasound results and wow did I exhaust my search engine. Just confirms that everyone is different in their diagnosis.
• I will definitely share the biopsy report when they decide to finish it up.
• I’m frozen from fear and afraid. I feel weak mentally and then strong. The ups and down of it I guess.
• But this morning is one of those I feel sorry for myself days. I don’t wanna get out of bed.
• What’s the use one side of me says as the other says get up and be strong.
• As I lay awake at night all sorts of crazy things run through my head.
• My mind races with thoughts and I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind.
• Last night the image of me in a coffin and what I’d be dressed in consumed me.
• Im sorry I’m a downer right now while we are suppose to bring each other up.
• I see women who posted and posted and then gone.
• I wonder where they are. Are they well and just stopped posting ? No they wouldn’t leave this forum just like that.
• I’ll never be me again.

jo6359

idkidk- I have spoken to so many women in support groups. They used to post on these blogs when everything was at its worst. Once things became okay, they stopped posting and got on with their lives. But there are still many people on these blogs who have been survivors for many years and continue to share and offer support.