Telling my friends/family of my diagnosis

Anonymous

Telling my friends/family of my diagnosis

Coach1216

Just prior to Christmas I was given the news that I would be joining the club...nobody wants to join. Christmas was really busy with family/friends as well as we moved out of our house Jan. 1. I was happy to be busy as it kept my mind off the inevitable and until the next test there really wasn't anything I could do. I now have more information as I am stage 3 IDC, ER+,PR-,HER-2negative. I have a couple more tests then I will start chemo.

My issue is I am really struggling on how to tell my family and friends. I am 44 with two young kids and although I am sad at times I feel that I am pretty good at being positive and in a good space. My fear is telling people will just make me cry - which I hate. I don't want my family/friends to worry about me. Is it like ripping off the band-aid? Should I just bite the bullet and start telling people?

I am not sure why "this" is the stressful part for me but if you have any suggestions/hints it would be greatly appreciated.

Moderators

Hi Coach, and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

We're sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis, but we're really glad you found us. You're sure to find our amazing Community a priceless source of support, information, and advice. We are always here for you!

While you wait for the ever-helpful responses of our incredible members, you may want to check out the main Breastcancer.org site's section on Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer, which includes great info on talking to kids, talking to your spouse or partner, and talking to friends and other relatives.

We hope this helps give you a good start. Please come back often, ask lots of questions, and engage -- we're all here to support you!

--The Mods

keepthefaith

coach, so sorry you had to join us...it is very stressful to tell others. I think somehow we feel like we are letting them down. They will follow your lead and if you tell them you will be fine and put on a brave face, they are probably less likely to invite you to their pity party....but, give yourself permission to cry if you need to. Our different relationships dictate how we tell people. You may cry with one person and be fine with the next. I don't think it's a "one size fits all" kind of thing. My Mom and half-sister have also had BC-so they understood what I was going through right away. Brave face. My 2 children are grown and that was the hardest for me.Tears. I am so thankful that my family was there for me. I really can't remember how I told close friends and the rest of the family. So, I guess the takeaway is, tell those whom you think can be supportive and tell as much or as little as you feel is necessary. Your maternal instincts will most likely kick in when you tell your children, but check in the forum often and others will chime in. Best wishes moving forward:)

Coach1216

thx keepthefaith I really appreciated what you had to say!

I told a group of friends and my family today. There were lots of tears and although it was an exhausting day I am so relieved to have started telling people. I still have some really close friends to tell and unfortunately the timing is horrible as one of them just lost her mom to cancer. I also need to tell my kids (6 & 8).

I look at it as taking one step at a time. They are hard steps and I know I am only at the beginning with lots of harder steps to go, but I am proud of myself for today’s efforts! We will have to see what tomorrow brings

keepthefaith

awesome:). I hope it gives you a sense of relief when it's all said and done.

scaligirl

Hi Coach, so sorry you're having to go through this. I struggled with this a lot myself. I actually didn't tell anyone (except my husband) anything until after I had a firm diagnosis and plan for treatment. That was about 6 weeks after my first diagnosis. I had numerous biopsies and finally my lumpectomy before I told my family first, which I did in person. Then I told my closest girlfriends, but this time via text because I could not get them together for the life of me. Everyone else read via a very long Facebook post a couple weeks later, which was timely because it was in October, which is BC awareness month. Oh and then I let some work people know because I had to take a LOA to do chemo. Really, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. It's your business. And yes, it's stressful to tell people because in some ways saying it out loud to others makes it more real. The thing with my family that made it easier was having all the information in my head, so I could go in with a "relatively" positive message about what I had and what I was going to do about it. It was very reassuring to both myself and the ones hearing it that I had a plan and knew exactly how I was going to beat cancer. That carried over to the other conversations too. I hope that helps. Good luck!!!