Major Anxiety Masectomy on Thursday

meemashell

I am super anxious regarding my upcoming masectomy on Thursday. I have been on the 6 month plan for Mammos for as long as I can remember. In August I had a biopsy due to some changes in calcifications. No big deal I thought. Then was diagnosed with DCIS. No big deal, not invasive cancer right ?? Lumpectomy followed by another biopsy. Ok now I'm starting to worry. Due to the multiple spots of DCIS my amazing oncology team recommended masectomy with TRAM flap reconstruction. I am totally fine with this. I am a nurse this is all good. Well that was a month ago. Here we are today and I can't get my stuff together. Crying and acting like a crazy person. I have the best support team including my husband, kids, sister. What is wrong with me. I know this is just a small detour in my life. I don't have invasive cancer why am I acting like this ?

Peacetoallcuzweneedit

Because you are....and it is ok....and you are most likely in a care giving role at work and home and that is probably your comfortable mode of operation, and this is all hitting you and rightfully so.....I'm also in healthcare and when I was diagnosed I could not literally process conversations...if there were too many words, I had to say "stop talking" - and I am a woman of many words (trust me :-) ) - I had a DMX. The night before surgery I went on autopilot, because I was freaking out on the inside. I could not think straight, so I just put on my nausea patch for surgery and stayed very quiet....and the day of surgery I played the same song over and over again on the way to the hospital, because it kept me moving and getting there in one piece. As soon as they took me back, I told the nurse what I had been doing and she immediately kicked in with helping me with my anxiety. MeeMashell - you got this...you are not a crazy person, and your small detour is actually bigger....missing your exit on the freeway and not having another exit for 10miles is a small detour. This is something else....sending you support and peace...

Moderators

Peacetoallcuzweneedit is correct. It's okay, and it's normal. We're all in it together. Be sad, mourn, do what you need. You'll get to the other side.

MTwoman

I agree. Take the time to allow yourself to just be where ever you are emotionally. You are grieving the loss of a part of you. It's okay. The rational part of you understands that the situation could be worse ("it's not invasive"), but the emotional part of you recognizes that this is a loss. Take whatever time you need, it's NOT crazy. It's a normal response to a crazy situation!

Cancer sucks.

Meow13

This whole "journey" with me has been emotional. I was devastated having a mastectomy. I couldn't get my DIEP for 4 agonising months. I just didn't think walked in did the 10 hour surgery and loved the outcome. The emotional pain I suffered for 4 months was almost gone.

It looks good so I feel good. I hate cancer and angry when I hear people say you can prevent it or lower your risk. Well my risk was extremely low and I still got it. You can't blame smoking or alcohol or lack of exercise. I did everything right best of health then wham, no one else in my family ever had it.

meemashell

Thank you everyone for all the encouragement. I am so glad I posted this. I think just being able to say it out loud to people that have gone through similar experiences has been life changing in itself. I read thru so many posts today and felt a sense of peace. I know having a masectomy is truly what's best for me. I have a long history of breast cancer in my family and always knew one day it would be my turn to give up a breast. I know I am truly lucky.

mustlovepoodles

meemashell, it's totally normal to feel crazy. Cancer is crazy-making, in general. And being a nurse *sometimes* is too much of a good thing. I've been a nurse for 40 years, so I get it. For me, the big advantage of my training and experience was that I am capable of ferreting out good research and not getting sucked in by the massive amount of quackery on the internet. Don't get sucked in to the invasive/non-invasive stuff. Cancer is cancer. It's not a contest. My cancer was not more cancer-y than yours because I had IDC. 

Sooooo, you have one more day until surgery. The only things you really need to do is spend time with your family and make sure they know where to find things and who to call in an emergency. Make lists.  If you're like a lot of wives & mothers, *you* are the glue that holds the family together. However, this is your time to be vulnerable--you have to give your family the tools to take over your role for a  couple weeks, at least. Good luck!

meemashell

Great Advise. My children are grown and my husband is pretty awesome. He will be spending the entire time I am in the hospital there with me and then he will be off for the next month just to take care of me. Since I tend to be a planner, I sewed drain pockets into tank tops so that I can be stylish in the hospital. I also made my own masectomy pillow and masectomy seat belt cover. Now I am just ready to get it done with.

LAstar

I hope your surgery went well and you are resting and recovering! My BMX and SGAP took a good 6 weeks to feel normal again, so settle in and don't do too much. My favorite activity was calling old friends while I laid around doing nothing. I don't think the pain meds made me TOO loopy. Also, I was pretty emotional during months after my MX. Lots of hormone surges. Tell your husband that gently quiet hugs are the best antidote. ) Wishing you the best and hoping you are feeling great relief to have this big procedure behind you. xo