Why bother??

Mamatwoboys

Ever hear so many horror stories that you stop and wonder... Why bother??

If we fight, then they take away our hair, breast, teeth fall out (?), fingernails.. that’s the outside.

My insides now feel sucked dry and I just started. No happiness. No joy. Always scared. Always worried. What if... etc.

Then we have to spend the next.. forever... waiting to see if it comes back. Then what?? Start this again?

Ever stop and think “why bother?” “Is it really going to be worth it?” To my family, my husband, my kids? To see me become a shell of a human only to possibly die from it?

Not saying I am giving up or won’t try... just wondering am I the only one that has heard such horrible horror stories that make you stop and say “why bother?

exbrnxgrl

mamatwoboys,

Yes, there are stories that will make you ask, why bother?, but there are other stories too. Let me preface this by saying that those who are doing well tend to post far less than those who are struggling. This is not only true of bc, but of any other ailment that has an online prescence.

I am in my seventh year of NED. I work full time, have had two grandchildren (and one more on the way), I travel, have taken up knitting and , with some modifications, enjoy life. On top of the strains of stage IV, I also experience the ups and downs of regular life.

Others do have it much harder. The thing is, we don't know into which group we'll fall and it's more of a spectrum than clearly defined groups. So, why not bother, since you never know how it will go.

Yes, the beginning is rough, but in time it gets better. If you haven't looked into it, counseling and antidepressants have been a great help to many.

In the end, all decisions are ultimately yours, but consider the increasing number of good stories too. No, there is no cure yet, but we're hanging on longer and who knows when the next good meds might come down the pike. Remember, if your QOL is seriously impaired by se's, then you can stop treatment.

Take good care of yourself

Mamatwoboys

you’re right... and maybe that’s why I am so down.

Been hearing all the bad, hardly any good stories.

You would think those fighting and making it would scream it from the rooftops!! But not the case. And yes, because that seems to be how we are with everything.

Thank you... trust me, I am fighting!! Just was wondering

Partyoffive

hi mama

I hear how you are struggling and wanted to reach out exbrnxgrl is correct about the not posting when you are doing well. I very rarely post but am almost 5 years out from stage 4 de nova diagnosis. I have mets in most of my bones and have little things happen here and there but for the most part have been stable all this time. I’ve never been Ned but stable isn’t too bad a guy either. In the beginning I too wondered “why bother” but when I look at my kids and 2 year old granddaughter I know they are why I bother. I’ve been on the same treatment all this time-there are many good stories out there but like me I’ve been busy living so I don’t always post. You have to do what you are comfortable with and live life on your terms. I wish you the best-take care.

Kristin

Anonymous

Mamatwoboys - Just wanted to echo the sentiments of exbrnxgrl and partyoffive and provide you with another story of hope. I was diagnosed in July 2012 with treatment really starting in August 2012. I was really stave 4 de novo though we didn't realize that for a couple of months as you can see by my signature. I'm not going to lie -- the months of BMX, chemo, and then a hysterectomy were tough physically, emotionally, and mentally. After the hysterectomy, I was put on Arimidex and by mid-April 2013, I was NEAD. That lasted 3 1/2 years in which I managed to cross so many places and things off of my "living" list (I refuse to call it bucket list) and still work full-time plus. It did recur in 11/16, and I'm on my second treatment option for that as of this month. It is still relatively small, and I have still been a full-time professor at one college, adjuncted at 3 others, and traveled through all of this. I'm going to cross the last thing off my original 56 item "living" list in 2 1/2 weeks. We never know just how our bodies will respond to each treatment, but hopefully, hearing some stories of those doing well will provide you with hope!

illimae

mamatwoboys, I agree, the first couple of months are shocking, stressful, depressing. Upon initial diagnosis, I actually told my husband he could get remarried, I feel so far from that mentality now. I had a severe reaction to taxotere, then again to taxol and was wondering if I could tolerate treatment at all but the 3rd one (Abraxane) was the charm, I adjusted, started seeing results and decided to get my head back in the game. I've always been optimistic and made my best effort to focus on the positives, like early retirement and not having to shave my legs for 5 months, lol

Snowfall

For me, a turning point has been accepting the fundamental reality that I will be alive until I die. I knew that before cancer, of course, but it's become real for me in a way that it wasn't before. So my answer to the question 'why bother?' is 'because I'm still here.' If I'm here, alive, then I want to live well. It doesn't matter whether that's for a long time or short time. Remembering this helps me avoid giving up my life here ahead of time

pajim

Mamatwoboys, I have a friend. She was diagnosed with MBC a year after I was. She's been on the heavy stuff, then they discovered brain mets. She's now been living almost a year with those. She still goes to work and has a generally good attitude.

I look at that and think "if she can do it, I can do it". I have few very SEs compared to her. Yes, those hormonals dry you out, inside and out. I've learned to live with that. Everyone at my office is totally impressed with me (at least those who know I have MBC), but little do they know -- all I want is to live a normal life. So I do.

You can too. But always remember, it is your right to stop any and all treatments. If you don't like the side-effects, move on to something else. If my SEs get too bad, I cut back on my meds. My Onc is totally on board with that.

Iwillwinthisbattle

I “get it” also. Although the stupid cancer has reared it’s ugly head again for me in the past few months, that is the least of my worries. My 18 year old daughter has gone off of the rails (dropped out of HS, moved in with a boy who is a drug dealer, and is making even more poor choices) all the while my family is suffering from “hurt feelings” I wonder — why? I guess the only good answer is, why not? I’m not ready for the alternative yet