So down

Scaredmommy1971723

My call came November 7 (IDC & DCIS) grade 2. Met surgeon next day who was positive and upbeat, stating it's manageable. I left feeling good and then see the DX of others diagnosed with same, but stage 4, mets, etc. How can my dr be so sure I'll be ok? MRI on 16th, follow up on 20th.

My husband and I are separated, but he's gone to my appointments and has been decent support. I was dating someone for a few months but he slowly faded out of the picture just before this nightmare. I had a dream he texted me and asked if I wanted to cry and cuddle. I woke up and bawled.

My 13year old son lives with me. I haven't told him or my daughter (18 and away at school) yet. Waiting to know more. My game face is strong, but my heart hurts and I'm so very scared.

tlfrank

So sorry you find yourself here, but you will find lots of support. Everyone here understands scared. My best advice is breathe. One thing, one day at a time. The waiting can be torment.

Once you see your doctors make sure you get copies of everything especially all of your pathology reports. You'll find a wealth of information here, but also be aware that you can scare the crap out of yourself reading some of these threads. Educate yourself as much as possible, when you have a concrete diagnosis.

(hug)

AgathaNYC

Hi. I know it's scary. I wish you weren't going through this.

I got my call about 2 month before you did, so I'm not an old hat at all of this but I can tell you:

1. It gets a LOT easier emotionally once you have more concrete information and a treatment plan is in place. What you are going through now were the hardest days for me. I felt SOOO much better once I actually started my treatment.

2. Realize that a LOT of women who have been successfully treated and have no evidence of cancer stop visiting the boards. The women who unfortunately find themselves with cancer again will of course come back. That means the ratio of this website is a little out of whack compared to the numbers of all the women in the world.

3. Breathe, meditate, pray, bake, exercise - do what ever it is that you do to get your mind in different place for a few minutes. Your psyche needs a break every day.

edwards750

Agatha is right a lot of women who are thriving after their DX don’t post much anymore. I’m an exception because the ladies in my group have moved past the DX and we have become internet friends. Several of our group have actually met. We exchange family issues good and bad. It’s great therapy and we are each other’s cheerleaders. We all have the same DX in different stages and grades but BC doesn’t define us.

You will feel more reassured once your DX and treatments get sorted out.

We all know it’s not one size, fits all kind of disease.

There is plenty of reason to be optimistic. It’s overwhelming at first. It would be helpful if someone could go with you either to take notes or just be there for you even if it happens to be your husband separated or not.

This website is and was my lifeline from the getgo.

Keep the faith and keep us posted.

Diane

GreenEyes81

Yep, at one point I spent days scrolling. Looking at nothing but stats. Not going to tell you not to do it, I did and survived. I went over the stats, my own stats. My chance of reocurrance is 3x higher than it was even getting cancer in the first place. Not taking tamoxifen, its even higher. But really....we are all different. No one knows were we will land on the "stats" board. You can have 5 people with the EXACT SAME CANCER and each one will respond differently to treatments.

Personally....today I am at a point were stats mean NOTHING. Do not freaking tell me it was early and I shouldn't worry. They have NO CLUE. Stats really don't matter once you have cancer. Maybe before....but after, you are your own statistic. I tried looking at my "statistic" if I did this or that. Brought me no peace. I can do this to "reduce" my risk or that.... but I am already a statistic....but I will NOT allow it to define me.

I am now trying to ignore stats, percents, my chances and make the best desision I can for ME. If it comes back, so be it. I will NOT have regrets. I have won this battle and so I will rest, if needed be ready for a new battle when its my time. Until then, I am working on getting healthy, finalzing reconstruction surgery, making a will and dealing with some other health issues that popped up since my cancer dx. I will be ready next time, if my time comes up again.

And maybe along the way I can help someone in their journey as well.

Hopfull2

sorry you are going through this. Believe me it will get easier. The first few weeks she the toughest. Stay strong

NotVeryBrave

I'm so sorry. It is a scary place to be. I think it's worse for some - not just because of diagnosis but because of how it hits you. I'm sending you big virtual hugs.

I feel like everyone with a breast cancer diagnosis should have 1) a breast MRI and 2) an oncology consult - before any decisions are made about treatment. I also feel that second opinions can be so helpful.

I told my kids after I had met with the BS because I couldn't keep a secret. It was too hard. They were 15, 13, and 10 at the time. That was hard, but it helped me to focus on being positive. I had lots of time that I spent reading and trying to understand, wrapping my head around it.

I hope today will be a better day. One foot in front of the other.

Scaredmommy1971723

Thank you ladies so much!! I'm a bit calmer than I was when I posted. Today was my MRI and Monday will be a big day as we talk results...

I'm working on forgiving myself for skipping my mammograms the last 5 years. I've no good reason for having skipped them. I can't go back and change things...

Thank you all for taking your time to try to reassure this scared stranger. I hope one day I can offer the same comfort to someone here

EastcoastTS

Scared:

Agree with everything everyone has expressed. The initial time after diagnosis while you're waiting for information, test results, genetic data, surgical pathology -- yada/yada -- is the hardest. I promise it gets easier once you're on your way down the road. I guess in part because we become used to having cancer. I had trouble even saying it at first: I have BC.

I have a 10-year-old and believe it or not, we only recently told him the full (somewhat) story. He knew of course that I was having surgery, but I didn't want to throw the word cancer at him too soon. Your children are older and your daughter may be great support. Tell them when you're ready.

We're not strangers, btw. Somehow I feel like we're kinda friends. (Friends who GET IT!!!) And getting is my basic requirement for friends now.

Take care and ask all the questions you need to. Check the forums for surgery lists that will make sure you are completely prepared. Vent and admit to fear here. It's ok. I'm scared, too, sometimes.

Tracy

toomuch

Scaredmommy - I know exactly how you feel. My son was 14 and daughter 18 and leaving for college just after I was diagnosed. That was 7 years ago! The waiting and coming up with a plan was the hardest time for me. I asked my doctor for medication for my anxiety and a very low dose of xanax helped a lot! Once my treatment starter I felt a lot better. I also exercised throughout treatment and changed to pretty clean eating. When I finished treatment I was in the best physical shape of my adult life!

I was way too emotional to tell my kids about my diagnosis. I think that would have scared them so my husband had the initial conversation with them. My daughter left for school a few weeks later which left my son adjusting to his freshman year in high school and his mom getting chemo and going bald. I have always worked and the silver lining for me was the amount of time that I got to spend with my son during the 6 months that I worked PT from home that year. He's grown into a sensitive, empathetic young man which I attribute in big part to that year.

Once you have your treatment plan in place, I hope you feel better. The overwhelming fear will slowly dissipate. I don't think that I ever forget that I had BC but it's not in the forefront of my mind anymore. I hope that you find peace.