Trivializing and sexualizing this process....

Anonymous

Trivializing and sexualizing this process....

Momat143

This post is very much a rant, but I need to get something off my chest (no pun intended) Tonight I realized this might be the perfect forum to do so. I realize that this post is going to sound so self centered and petty but as a two time cancer survivor that's how I'm feeling sometimes.

Has anyone else noticed the tone of the posts from young cancer survivor and "previvors" as they call themselves who use social media to use this diagnosis as a way to promote themselves, their blogs, Erin money promoting events and products. They are even posing topless during the process purely as education but it just makes me naseuase that these young women are trivializing and profiting off of a disease that so many are fighting for their lives for. Young survives actually have conversations on social medi about how big their implants should be, should they get another fill etc...meanwhile children are left motherless from this disease.

Thanks for letting me vent

Cpeachymom

To be upfront, I'm not on Facebook but I have an 18 yr old and a 20 yr old. For what it's worth, these young women grew up on social media. Every aspect of their lives is public nowadays from where they go to what they had for dinner. I don't necessarily think they are trivializing it, certainly they don't see it that way. It's just when you have a problem or something big happens, it seems to go to the internet as a way of seeking support. Very similar to what we do here on bco. I've seen many boards here where women discuss implant sizes and shapes and seek input and opinions about it. While I don't think the whole world needs to know your whole life on social media, these young women don't really know anything different.

Lula73

I completely get what you're saying. And heaven forbid you should ask any questions that might seem to take away from their self-promotion of how great it is to be talking about/planning to have a mastectomy. Trust me when I say the flip side isn't so rah-rah exciting. This whole generation has become obsessed with drama and advertising their drama. It's ridiculous. I think my 12 year old is likely the only kid in his entire middle school who does not have a cell phone, Facebook, twitter, Snapchat or Instagram. And you know what? He is not self-obsessed, does not seek dramaand nearly always puts others needs/wants before his own.

Lisey

Honestly, if a young woman has breast cancer, she is entirely within her right to promote her journey. How is social media any different from us telling our stories on here? I'm in various facebook groups that discuss all sorts of things in my journey. The fact someone young has this shitty disease sucks - if she's making lemonade out of it - more power to her.

When I was diagnosed I announced it on facebook and got tons of support, going so far as clients who were facebook friends sending me a custom made singing telegram (Dolly Parton singing 'bye bye boobies' ala Bye Bye Birdie" - then she popped her balloon huge boobs). The support I got on facebook was phenomenal and it was a way for me to help educate others on what they should look for and what symptoms I had. I even posted a great shot of my cleavage the day before I had the Mastectomies and had nothing but support. Many of us view online and social media friends and support as equal to in person support.

I don't understand the judgement aimed at these young women at all.

Lisey

Oh and one more thought. I've sexualized this process... I HAVE TO TO STAY HUMAN... To find my own sexuality now that my boobs are gone. I've had some amazing photos taken of me bare chested (I'm flat and fabulous) and I think they are really sexy. I've seen other young women post amazing photos of themselves with body paint or just topless and they are gorgeous and finding their new identities.

I plan on wearing straps like Kiera Knightley in King Arthur in a costume (that I never could have worn with boobs) and am finding my 'new normal' in my view of myself as a sexual and sensual being. I see nothing wrong with figuring this out publicly if one so chooses. Younger women need to keep their sexuality and this process (cancer, surgeries, feeling mutilated) can be dehumanizing. Finding themselves again and demonstrating they still feel sexy is an important step to getting back their humanity. Anyway, Here's the outfit style I'm talking about that I'm in process of making - I'm quite excited and will post on my facebook page the images if they turn out like I hope they will. My new self is boobless, and I enjoy showcasing my body in flattering ways to help other women see that there is beauty in scars.

kcat2013

I actually follow a "previvor" on Instagram. This particular young woman does post images of herself that are designed to highlight her reconstruction process (well she is in tissue expanders at the moment). IE, very low cut dresses, bikinis, but also ones of her in her pink paper gown at her surgeon's office getting fills. I was intrigued by her story when I discovered it and decided to follow her and honestly I'm thankful for her open-ness about the process. I have a teen daughter who will have to make decisions when she is older about how she will handle her very high risk for breast cancer (thanks to having a mom who was diagnosed young and a slew of breast cancer on her dad's side of the family). I'm glad that she will be able to see stories of other young women who have faced the same decisions and are not ashamed to share their stories.

Momat143

I guess this wasn’t the right place to post and find the understanding and support I was looking for after all.

To those who understood what I was getting at thanks! Be well!

Momat143

I too have children and unfortunately my oldest who is 19 sees these “previvor” posts. Thankfully she understands and has seen what I’ve been through and understands this is not a trivial matter

Momat143

that’s awesome, sounds like a great kid growing up with the right ideas!

Lisey

Bosum, that is a great point. Only when we speak about and shout about it does culture change and people become more accepting. In my case, there are tons of women being interviewed for articles as flat and fabulous warriors. They are topless and not afraid to show off their chests to the world to showcase that this new body can be powerful and sexy, etc. The New York Times, Good Morning America, Even Oprah in this month's magazine (Oct) have women bearing their chests to showcase the results and choice. There was a New York fashion show for ana ona with all sorts of women topless. Reconstructed, Flat, Unis, They were boldly and proudly walking down that runway not afraid to show their scars.

This openness can change opinions and society. Even I was interviewed in the Times about my choice.

labelle

Everyone diagnosed with this disease has to deal with it the best way he/she knows how. There's no wrong way to get through this.

However, I think we should remember that our younger sisters have not only grown up with social media, but also with the pinkwashing of this disease. As a result, I suspect they experience a great deal of pressure to be positive about the whole experience and I sometimes wonder if this pressure to pretend that BC is pretty and pink and easily curable drives some of their posts on social media. I'm not sure they dare to express negative feelings, frustrations publicly since pinkwashing tells us this is "just a bump in the road."

Momat143

I was looking for some support for myself and I'm so disappointed to not even be able to find that here. I will be unfollowing the post but feel free to continue the conversation amongst yourselves. Be well

Lisey

Momat, you may not be reading this but if you are. I'm sorry you don't feel supported, that was not my intention. I do think though, your post had less to do with YOU needing support, than you wanting to judge and condemn young women who post on social media. I am offering a different viewpoint, as someone who posts on social media and am being body positive. I'm not promoting myself - as you suggest, I'm trying to shine a light on the good things if one has to go through this shitty disease.

If you need support, make this about you, what you need, your feelings. All I saw was you judging others who are more open and willing to be in the spotlight while they navigate this journey. I won't join in with you and rage on those young women, I would rather support them.

ErenTo

Heh! Social media DOES bring out the worst in some people, cancer or no cancer. It's an excellent platform for self-promotion and narcissism galore. I'm on almost all of them and turn off notifications of blatant, nauseating self promotion of any variety that doesn't bring anything to the table for me, further hiding in my bubble. I prefer my bubble

bareclaws

Lisey, I’m not on Facebook, so hope you’ll post pics of the costume here. It sounds amazing!

MeToo14

Momat143 I get what you are saying and you have a right to feel that way. This isn't funny and it's life changing and scary. But people have a right to deal with this monster the way they feel comfortable.

labelle I think you are exactly right. There is such pressure on us to pretend everything is okay because others don't want to see the truth. While I didn't go into too much details I did post on facebook about my diagnosis and what I was going through. I did that because I wanted to make sure people got the correct information. I wanted to educate and let everyone know what it really is like to live this. People looked at me and saw I was getting up everyday and going to work and living my life so they assumed I was fine and this was no big deal. I wanted to let them know that isn't true. I wanted them to know the reality and how difficult this is.

Lisey

Thanks Bareclaws!, I totally would post it, but I'd get chided for self aggrandizement. Plus, I'm not as young as I once was, it may be scary, not sexy. But im doing it anyway and praying for good lighting. I'll send you a pm if it turns out.

exbrnxgrl

I am very open in real life and on social media, about my stage IV bc. I've posted pics of myself in the infusion center as well as my DD and myself goofing around in the infusion center. This may not be everyones's cup of tea and that's fine. I also make jokes about bc and my likely death. Humor is one of my coping mechanisms. Again it may not work for everyone, but I think there are as many ways to cope with bc as there are bc patients.

exbrnxgrl

momat,

I want to add, in the same vein as lisey’s comment, that it seems as if you were looking for others to support your opinion, We may not support your opinion but there is plenty of support here for things that you may be going through with bc

Lula73

I will say that the way I took the original post was that there are young women promoting themselves on social media as either having BC or being high risk and advertising it as some happy great thing the same way they would self promote if they just graduated college, just got engaged, just landed their first real job in their chosen career etc. They're not looking for support, they're looking for the attention from as many people as possible. There is a difference.

Ex: recent posting quoting following stats: risk of developing bc IF poster tests BRCA +, risk IF mom & poster both test BRCA +, (no genetic testing done by the way), oh and poster states she has a cyst in one breast and now needs to decide whether or not to have a bmx or just take tamoxifen... Um, what in the world are you even talking about?!? BMX for a cyst?!? Tamoxifen for a cyst?!? Ask a simple clarifying question on whether genetic testing was or wasn't done - get slammed for asking (the answer was 'no testing done') & poster states that she shouldn't have to justify herself to "strangers". This is just my most recent experience.

Lisey

Lula, When a life event happens (whether horrible or wonderful) people deal with it all differently. A lot of women, especially younger ones do post events on social media and do want support and attention - I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I posted that I had breast cancer (got TONS of comments and attention and support) and after the shock wore off I started documenting my journey with articles, selfies and comments. Unlike some women, I don't post selfie after selfie, but a LOT of women do. My cousin posts a selfie everyday - and I swear she has the same face in every single one, but it's her way of dealing with her journey of divorce and being alone. who am I to judge her for wanting positive comments on the way she looks? I know she's sad and dealing with depression - but you'd never know it with her daily smile pout selfies... it's her way of getting a boost.

This is an age of women who grew up on social media, they use it as their self esteem boost and post EVERYTHING about their lives. Frankly, I bet in 50 years we'll all be plugged into the cloud and going to schools virtually, having virtual friends ala Ready Player One, so again, why judge them for turning lemonades out of lemons?

MelissaDallas

"Previvors," many of whom are gene positive, may find themselves at 25 or 30 having to make a decision to prophylactically have themselves sterilized and have mastectomies to avoid developing cancer. I think they are certainly entitled to do whatever it takes to restore their bodies (and self-esteem) to as normal an appearance as possible, and I wouldn't consider that "sexualizing." Sexualizing is October "Save Second Base" or "Save the Ta Tas."

I have to say that even at fifty, when I had a huge ovarian cancer and had to be cut (and scarred) from pubis to sternum I mourned my younger pretty torso and waist and how much I loved showing them off in crop tops when I was young