No hair.....I am beautiful......and so are you

Egads007

I aptly named 2013 'My Year of Bald'.....and man did I HATE it! Pre-chemo I had long thick dark hair which I'm not afraid to say was my pride and joy and probably my best feature. Bang on schedule it literally curled up and died after the second round. I stood in front of a mirror, electric buzzer in hand, bawling as quietly as I could with every swipe I took, so as not to upset my 12 year old son.....yeah, cancer brings out strength we never knew existed, as I wanted to scream. I met my mother the next day for lunch and she took one look at the head scarf and brokenly said "that color suits you"...we both quickly went into melt down mode.

Fast forward to the end of chemo, surgery, 3/4 of the way through my daily rad sessions and I had a fine 1/8" fuzz happening. I felt good that day, almost done! In honor of my mood I dressed with extra flair, and made sure to powder my nose. As I started the electronic registration I realized there was some kind of glitch in the system. I turned to find a staff member and saw two ladies right behind me. I apologized for the hold up and started to explain there was some kind of problem with the machine. They were staring up at me (I'm tall, both were petite) in such a way that I thought I might have powdered my ear instead of my face. I'll never forget this.....the first lady said in an almost dreamy voice "Oh I love your hair"...the second gal seconded the lady's sentiments and they both continued to scope out my head. I couldn't help but notice that they both were still completely bald. So what did I do? Did I demurely say thank you or 'you're too kind'? No. I stood there like the idiot I was and preened like Kim Kardashian on the red carpet.....I think I even ran my hand through my stubble in a supermodel type swipe. I can't describe the joy I felt at someone considering my feminine side, the euphoric feeling that for that few seconds in time that I no longer walked with a huge capital 'C' over my head....dare I say I felt like a woman....and a vibrant one. This must be what the most popular girl in high school felt like, now I get it!!

After a heartbeat I remembered to get over myself, tell the girls that their hair would soon return.....and remind them both they were at least 10 years younger than me and look WAY better and less wrinkly than I. Then I thanked them for the gift they just gave me. The glorious gift of feeling beautiful for a moment....without much hair, no eyebrows and one eyelash (which I meticulously mascara-ed that morning....lookin' kinda like a minion.

I have seen so many beautiful women during this journey. Some had gorgeous eyes, skin, bodies, personalities and the loss of hair did not for a second disguise their beauty. Each and every one of them still stunning in their own way....add that to the strength us folks build thru it all and its a beautiful combination.

Your hair loss is/or will be temporary, but always remember, bald or not, you are still beautiful, smart and strong. Ain't nothing taking that away, not even chemo.

NotVeryBrave

Thanks. It's good to hear the positive, the uplifting. I think we are often our own worst critics. We all need to step back sometimes and applaud all we've been through. I know I do.

randrgirl

Your post is just on time. I start chemo next week. I bought a wig tonight just in case I can't manage the bald look. I don't know how it's going to get to me when the hair goes, I simply know that it will get to me when it does. Thanks for the reminder about focusing on our whole self and all the beauty we encompass-- with or without hair