Good prognosis, but am struggling emotionally

lifechoices2017

Katrientjie as I read your post, it was so similar to mine; I am 49... not sure of your age...Sept 25 confirmed diagnosis... ER/PR+ HER2-...surgery Oct 19th, 2cm, clear nodes and margins... 20 rad sessions complete Nov 29th - Dec 27 and Tamox on Jan 1....

Marms

hi I am recovering 2 1/2 weeks post op. Bilateral Mastectomy stage 1a no lymph involvement and probably will not have to have chemo or radiation. Do I feel fortunate....yes....do I feel afraid...yes. I also chose no reconstruction and feel very good about that decision. I am taking Femara so far no side effects.

Luckynumber47

Yay, Marms, you got the hard part behind you. Now it's all about healing.

My diagnosis and treatment a year and a half ago was very similar to yours and I've learned to turn the fear down to simmer. Every time I get a weird little symptom I remind myself that the letrozole is doing its job and it couldn't possibly be mets. It seems like a silly cliché but it all gets better with time

Snickersmom

That was exactly what I had done in May of this year, just in time for my birthday!. I am 70 so am on Arimidex. So now I get to have the menopausal crap all over again! At least this time, the night sweats aren't as bad as they were before.

I do feel very fortunate that it wasn't worse but Luckynumber is right - I am always waiting for it to pop up somewhere else. I think that's a very normal reaction. My brother died of breast cancer 3 years ago and they related it directed to 2 tours in Vietnam when Agent Orange was being used heavily where he was stationed. He tested negative for BRAC genes so we all breathed a big sigh of relief when we found that out. So my diagnosis in March really knocked me for loop. I am still waiting to wear up from this really awful dream.

Hang in there and get plenty of rest, Marms. Now you need to concentrate on healing!

thesedays

There are so many parallels between the OP and me, I could almost have written this post. I don't look or feel sick, and I know I have an excellent prognosis but I'm not out of the woods yet.

I have found that the most supportive people have NOT been the ones who said, "Oh, you'll beat this and it will be fine" although that's nice to hear. It's the people who say, "It's OK to be angry, disappointed, depressed, etc." because I know they are telling me the truth.

thesedays

p.s. My mother, a 34-year survivor, recently called and said, "I have some news but you probably don't want to hear it." I replied, "You brought it up, so please tell me."

The news? Her latest mammogram was perfect.

My response? "What do you mean, I didn't want to hear that? OF COURSE I wanted to hear that!"

Sheesh.

Another supportive voice came from an acquaintance who, when I told her my then-very new diagnosis (I hadn't even had my first lumpectomy yet) said, "My mother died from breast cancer." No, she didn't scare me; I knew that already and this made it very real to her.

Snickersmom

So true!! I look and feel fine,but I have a very long way to go. I don't get any comfort from "you are cancer-free so you don't have to worry anymore" either.

EastcoastTS

I look and feel fine too -- on the outside.

For example, leaving PS appt today (final with Exchange post review) and was behind someone going through chemo. Scarf on her head, etc. Idk. It just felt emotional to me -- and they would have never known I was leaving a cancer appt, too, of some sort. I don't look it. Sat in my car a moment just feeling everything. I feel that I've changed while so much has stayed the same.

Snickersmom

I am so glad I found this Community site and talk to you all! Everyone feels the same way. It's just nice to know that what I am feeling is apparently normal. Just because I look the same (well, except for being flat) doesn't mean I haven't changed inside. It's what doesn't show that's so hard to deal with

EastcoastTS

Snickers:

Yes, we do share so much in this journey, don't we? That's why I can admit all this stuff here. Things I can't say to anyone else.

And I'm for the first time in my life NOT flat. (I was AA cup before!). LOL Breasts are odd things to me actually. (And I got very small implants.) But they still seem much bigger to me!

Snickersmom

thanks for the chuckle!! My sister always has razzed me and said she got the brains and I got the boobs. So much for that!!!! I chose not to reconstruct because I just turned 70 and figured I just didn't want to be bothered. My bilateral mastectomy was my 70th birthday present instead of our planned trip to Alaska. But I got my first ever tattoo to mark this occasion

EastcoastTS

Snickers:

Well, yeah for the tattoo! My first (and only) was when I was 25 or so. I think it may be time for another. I just have to figure out what. I hope you still get to Alaska sometime soon.

Snickersmom

I have been to Alaska several times but not to stay for any length of time. My husband has never been and I guess one of these days we'll get there. It just doesn't seem as important now.

My tattoo is the pink ribbon with a blue/green butterfly on top. So the ribbon is only visible on the top and a little on the bottom of the butterfly. The butterfly is about 2 inches long. Then above that is the word Warrior. I felt very strongly about getting this tattoo because it has a definitely symbolism and marks such a hugechange in my life. But I don't plan on ever getting another one!! I had it done on the outside of my leg about halfway between my knee and ankle because I wanted to be able to see it as well has having it visible to others. And since we live in Florida, I am almost always in shorts or capris.