I thought the nerves were done...

Mojojennijo

so until today I was t even worried about my full body scans I have tomorrow.

Does tumor size and her2+ play any role in chance of metastasis? I won't ever know my node status cause I can't have surgery first. (Before chemo

Anyways what I'm finding myself anxious over, is waiting for onc to come into the room Wednesday at my appointment and waiting for him to open his mouth. I'll be going crazy trying to read him.

I'm sure this is all probably a build up from my whirlwind past couple weeks and I probably am borrowing trouble worrying about it now.

Mojojennijo

I was just an anxious mess when I posted this. I do have lorazepam my onc gave me. I took one and felt less nervous. But I can't delete the post. So I guess worst thing is I can't pretend I'm not a little scared.

I hate feeling like I have no control.

Peregrinelady

Mojo, we have all been there. It is difficult (and I didn't take my own advice), but try not to envision worst case scenario. I think loss of control is one of the worst things about cancer. Your life is different now, but it doesn't have to be a negative thing. I finally focused on just me for the first time in my life, eating right and exercising to feel like I was fighting the cancer. Take the Ativan when needed and please let us know how the scans go.

Mojojennijo

pere, that's a good way to feel like you have some sort of control! I'll try to do some of that.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel!

I will keep updated how the scans go (probably on my ilc post) haha I never know where to post what 😂 I'll try to imagine there will be no surprises and focus my mind on that.

Dang this cancer crap! It really messes with you!! I could do without it

Mojojennijo

also is this standard to have these tests? I was told I had very diffuse her2 receptors in my biopsy. He said they were everywhere (isn't that what they are supposed to do?) anyways this doesn't mean they suspect mets tight

beach2beach

If you weren't worried I'd think you were on something to keep you calm. Heck I get nervous going to the dentist never mind all this crap. I don't know what it means to have diffuse receptors. Can't they explain what everything is in English! I think it's just what some Dr's do. Some do scans before, some don't order scans. I had none. Sending good vibes your way

FarAwayToo

Hi Mojo, we were diagnosed around the same time, I remember seeing your posts in "Not diagnosed but worried".

I'm in the same boat - I had my bone scan today, will have an MRI tomorrow and CT next Tuesday. My plan also includes neoadjuvant chemo, but I know it won't start until we have all these results back. I want to start planning for something, even if it's getting the port in and starting infusions (I would rather plan a nice vacation), but I can't even start thinking about that, because "who knows"?

Hang in there and let us know what your onco says today.

P.S, I take ativan pretty much every day for the past week and a half. It's the only way I can function. I already asked one of my doctors if I should be careful about getting addicted and she said "don't worry about it right now"

Castigame

Sisters,

Re Ativan SE and how it helped me to go thru chemo and rads.

First of all even if it knocks you out , you need it because sleep is the best supporting medicine for chemo and nerves. I slept quite a bit thru DD chemo. I had to take as much as 2 mg per day at highest.

Second of all, it is not addictive. After chemo, I reduced it to .5mg without any issue whatsoever. Your neves will calm down àfter chemo and surgery.

Wish you speedy recovery.

Mimi

Mojojennijo

farawaytoo:

Waiting sucks! I got my port a last Thursday What's crazy in my mind is that I went in on the 5th to have my full biopsy results and had the port put in 3 days later. Seems like that was so long ago. Weird.

I got the results back from the Ct and bone scan and at my tumor board meeting they discussed some nodes, a spot by my spinal cord and a spot on my lung. My oncologist didn't think much of it but the radiologist insisted on a pet scan and ultrasound. So I had those Friday. I go to radiation oncology Tuesday and back to oncology Wednesday to get the results of the last two tests. Oh and maybe my brca but I know that can take weeks.

Anywho oncology said chemo should start this coming week or the week after if Nothing showed on these last two scans.

I hope you get through the waiting for results game quickly! It's definitely hard on the nerves!

Also lol beach, I started taking my lorazepam and it's helping!!

MTwoman

Rebamacfan, "second of all, it isn't addictive" respectfully speaking YES it is. Of course, not for everyone, but for some, yes it is. Like alcohol, some people become addicted and others don't. Her doctor was correct, however, they can cross that bridge at a later date.

Mojo, I am so glad that you should get started on treatment this week. It seems to me like you've been waiting such a long time now, I can't imagine how much longer it must seem for you. Warm wishes and gentle ((hugs))

Mojojennijo

Personally I do not like the effects of the lorazepam. I think it makes me grouchy.

Today I will first get a nice short haircut (never had short hair before) and then off to oncology for pet scan results and will find out when I start chemo. This should be the end of the waiting for results for a while. I am not looking forward to chemo but it will give me the opportunity to figure out my new normal and settle in. Even if it sucks. I do know it's temporary.

My insurance had a counselor call me yesterday and she gave me some tips to stop "killing time" before everything gets started. Gave me some things to focus on and plan. It was actually really helpful to talk to her.