Yearly testing and terrified

NoWhyToIt

Feeling like rocking back and forth in a fetal position before testing next week. It's been 4 years and suddenly it seems like just yesterday. Nobody understands. Nobody possibly can. Except maybe you guys. I am a strong person in normal life but in this brings me to a different place altogether. I'm locked within myself in an altered state of fear. As much as I don't want it to be true, I think cancer is the worst thing that can happen to families. My fear is for myself, for being back in that lonely place between life and death but it is also for my family. They have just about picked themselves up from it all. Please tell me I'm not going to bring them back there.