different perspective

starbright38

HI , I've been reading the post but haven't "joined" yet.....I 've been Dx stage 4 in 2017.....the thing is this BC diagnois has me uninterested in "trival" sort of things.....if you get what I mean.... I find when friends talk about things that in the large scheme of things I don't give much value to or care to talk about I sort of zone out on them..... I used to care about every thing, now with this shift in thinking......I don't know.....is it just me ? I can't go back to the old me after this life changing events that are happening........I know more what is important and find others aren't in the same boat, so to speak.......is this normal ?

TWills

Yes, I think this is normal. It's overwhelming and distracting, to say the least, to process everything when diagnosed and for a while into or probably even after treatment. So much is thrown at you. Give yourself a break and others should too. You'll get back to the old you, it just takes time.

Freya244117

Perfectly normal. I'm stage IV too, and I am exactly the same. I am different, my priorities are different and I have no tolerance for whinging and bullshit. The only way I could go back to the old me, is if they found a cure for cancer, and that's not looking likely.

I've cut a lot of people out of my life, and it was the best thing I could have done for me. My main priorities are my husband, myself and making as many great memories as we can. Everything and everyone else is peripheral. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or say that you are not being nice by thinking how you do. If there is one time in your life when you put your needs and wants first, this is it.

starbright38

Freya , Yes that is what I mean the whining.......I guess they may catch on and then figure they don't get the result they want from me and try another day...and eventually they stop or lessen up a bit...lol.............I know its my choice......it just seems like the people who are whinning really don't have much to whin about and I want to shake them sometimes and tell them to stop it...lol

starbright38

Twills....I think part of the old me is gone......and I have to find the new normal as they say............will my friends adjust.....if they understand they will...........if they don't ...they don't.............People change for all different reasons, having a illness can change a person.........

starbright38

yes, even when I was stage 2 I started having the priority change......

mustlovepoodles

My tumor was stage 1, but luminal B, which is considered a more aggressive cancer.  I found that after I had completed two lumpectomies, chemo, and BMX I just wasn't the same person.  Over the past year I have become less and less enthusiastic about work. In fact, I finally retired in July after 40 years of nursing.  I just can't seem to muster the concern I once had for people, especially when they have minor illnesses or injuries (talk about whiners! Ugh). 

DH is fully disabled with lung & heart disease and suffered an aggressive prostate cancer in the midst of my BC journey. I'd like for us to spend as much time together as we can. So, we're putting the house on the market and moving into our RV.  We plan to live summer in the north GA mountains and winter over in Florida. And if we get tired of that, we'll figure out the next step. It is so freeing to just get rid of most of our stuff and MOVE ON.

Freya244117

Poodles, I think your plan is wonderful! We lived in our RV for 3 years while we travelled around the country trying to decide where we wanted to live / have a base. We still spend many months of the year roaming in it.

I hope it brings you both lots of adventures and joy

mustlovepoodles

Thanks, Freya. Our families think we've lost our minds and gone off the deep end, LOL.

AmyQ

Star,

I was in a very petty, narcissistic business when dx with Stage IV BC. I tried to rise above it and do whatever it took to be nice to my clients. I owned a wedding planning business. But after hearing complaints over the most trivial of matters, such as the shade of pink being not quite right or complaints that a certain flower wasn't available in the middle of winter, I sold my business and happily retired.

I wanted to scream at anyone registering any kind of complaint because in the big picture, I was and am fighting for my life and they're fighting for something trivial or impossible for an event that lasts one day. So yes, I understand so very well.

In the end, it wasn't really anyone's fault, this was the nature of the business and for a dozen years I empathized. but no longer. I'm happy I found someone to buy my business and moved on to volunteering at my church.

We are in different places than people without life-threatening diseases so it makes sense. Don't feel badly about your new perspective. It's completely normal.

Take care and good luck

Amy

AmyQ

Poodles,

I love that you lived in your RV for three years. Sounds like a wonderful way to change perspectives. I have often thought of doing something similar but my husband is far to grounded in our home to ever make a change like this.

Thanks for sharing your story. Do you have any regrets?

Amy

beach2beach

I think any kind of diagnosis of an illness can change someone's perspective. A close friend of mine, whom I love dearly, who was at the hospital during my surgery, prepared meals for my family before I went in, texted me the day after i got home from the hospital. I was in only overnight. She texted me and asked me why I was not responding to her texts, that I shouldn't take advantage of her and everyone gets into moods. Really? lol Guess all my thank you's prior to and after didn't matter if I didn't reply. I was catchiing zz's whenever I could the day or two after. My bad. I'm trying my darndest to not get caught up in middle school b.s.

Take care of yourself and work with the way you feel and everyone else will have to just understand.

mistyeyes

A change in how you think is normal. People change a little with every event in their life, and this event is a big one. I find myself feeling like I am in a different realm looking in at everyone else. A lot of things don't bother me at all anymore, and I try to understand some complaining, but I mostly shut it out. There are those times when someone is complaining I want to yell Who Cares-I have Cancer!!!!

Freya244117

Amy, I was the functions director at an upmarket club for a while. I HATE WEDDINGS!

There is one that sticks in my mind more than any other. My ex husband decided to get married there. I told my boss that I would take leave and my 2IC would do it. Oh no, the ex insisted that I had to organise it, and since he was spending a lot of money, the boss agreed. He was abusive physically and mentally, so not someone I wished to have anything to do with anymore.

It went as expected, he complained about everything, and kept trying to get me fired. The day went off without a hitch though. I got great pleasure out of charging him a hell of a lot more than normal, and got a nice commission from the suppliers. It was enough for a nice holiday. He screwed me over in the divorce by hiding assets, so I felt no guilt at all.

starbright38

Misty. you hit the nail on the head with that remark...lol

Freya244117

KB, that is so awful. Sadly it is not uncommon. The human race leaves a lot to be desired at times.

Starbright, if you ever need to vent, we have the Steam room for anger thread. Sometimes you just need to get things out of your system.

JKL2017

Misty, you are so right about cancer changing how we look at things.

Freya, you rock! Before retiring, I practiced family law & dealt with a lot of divorces. You found the perfect payback by profiting financially from your ex-husband's manipulation. (I always say revenge is a dish best served cold!)

And KB? WOW! Just wish the husband had been forced to pay the photographer's bill! Maybe if he had gotten pics of the assault he could have sold them to the soon-to-be-ex-husband & recouped his loss. Bet the honeymoon was a doozy!!!

mustlovepoodles

AmyQ, Freya is the one who lived in her RV for 3 years. Me and DH are just starting out. We've owned an RV for about 10 years, even took two of our kids on a 6,000 mile cross-country trip in 2007. That's when we first thought about making it a full-time thing. Unfortunately, I wasn't even close to retirement then and, you know, college tuition and stuff.