Well now I've done it...

Brightness456

I'm not even sure where to start. I met with the genetic counselor today. My daughter and my sister were with me. I panicked and could hardly participate in the conversation until it was nearly done. Then I had blood drawn and we went on to my next appointment with the PS. He said he thought a lumpectomy and radiation may be possible rather than a mastectomy, although he needs to discuss it with the BS and of course, depending on the genetic counseling, a BMX (is that the correct abbreviation) would be necessary. Nonetheless, he thinks my chances of successful reconstruction are good whichever path is necessary. I left the hospital feeling a little bit of hope that maybe I can make it through this. Just this one piece of good news, that I'm a good candidate for successful reconstruction, gave me a tiny ray of hope. I know I'll still have to face chemo and maybe radiation and I may lose my hair, but at least I'll have a shape when I address those potential issues.

Oh, and I talked with my son, who almost never calls or comes around, for maybe 3-5 minutes this morning when I was in a panic. He has no patience for any emotions other than support from me to him.So apparently my children all want to medicate me. And my sister agrees. I feel like the last thing I need is to feel foggy from medication when I'm finally coming out of the fog of shock. I'm not criticizing anyone who needs medication. I admire people who are able to advocate for what is best for them. At this time I do not want to take anxiety meds. I want to read and educate myself. I want to know what the worst case scenario could be so I can prepare while hoping for the best. I don't spend hours on the forum. I spend some time though and it helps.

I'm so upset and angry that I'm not sure I'm making sense. I ended up arguing with both my daughters and my sister. Now I have no one. No one is supporting me in the way I need. They all want me to act fine with this and if they have to artificially medicate me to get me there, that's what they want. No one wants me to express my emotions as they really are, just the ones they want. And the irony is that I was actually feeling like maybe I can get through this. I felt hope for the first time, not much, but some at least, and because I won't let them cajole me into taking meds, they pushed and pushed and I pushed back and made everyone angry and hurt even more and now I truly have no one.

For the first time today, I thought maybe I can actually get through this and now everyone is angry with me. I honestly don't know what to do now.

MinusTwo

Brightness - we all want so support you, but it would make more sense to post this on your previous thread where everyone can see the back story. Hopefully you'll do that and delete this new message so I'll answer over there.

Brightness456

Oh,I thought because it's kind of a new topic, I should make a new thread. Is there a way to move it?

Susug

Brightness- I personally think you should post in any forum you want. I read a lot of post so I knew who you were I have been following you since your first post. I think many of us read many many without responding. I hope your doing better. All of us on this forum know how your feeling. It's a scary time in your life. Hugs from me Sus

NotVeryBrave

I agree with susug. Sometimes having a separate post makes more sense if you're looking for a new audience or have a new topic.

MinusTwo

OK ladies, you might be right. It's just my opinion that I can better understand if I've read the back story.

Brightness456

I think the moderators reviewed my post that was moved from here to the topic "here I am" and decided I'm legit, so now its posted there, along with my abbreviated explanation.

Looks like I botched this just like everything else about themday. Geez... Anyway, my topic is now found in "here I am" and I still don't know how to delete this whole thread somit doesn't continue to confuse,the issue