My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Anonymous

I think everyone has to make a lot of considerations as part of their overall risk calculation -- own preferences, treatment stage, area locations and situation, activities planned, etc. Some people have a greater range of risks they are willing to take than others or have other factors that change the calculus. Its definitely a lot to consider!

Is there a way to maybe propose an outing to this lady that is within your current risk parameters - maybe more local and outdoors where everyone can arrive in their own car and still socialize but outdoors? Or you choose to go to something maybe a little further out but in your own car? Just say something like "thank you for thinking about including me, but right now I need to stay a bit closer to home. How about meeting up at X to do Y?"

candy-678

Sondra- That is more my thinking--- more local, not a long drive since I get fatigued so easily. And I can come and go in my own vehicle. Then do something outside. A picnic type thing. The weather will be changing soon--- later this week supposed to be sunny and in the 70's. And next month, my favorite month, the leaves will change and the weather will be crisper. That is maybe something I can plan. We have local parks. See if that sounds like what my friends might do. Hum.....

dutchiris

My son is getting married today!

I have scans on Wednesday. I'm glad they are after the wedding in case there's bad news.

illimae

Exciting news dutchiris, congrats 🎊 🍾

dutchiris

The wedding was originally scheduled for this date last year but COVID happened. They have been together 7 years. It's about time but I wish we could have eradicated COVID by now.

Edited to add; I like her, she's a keeper.

Micmel

congrats. Have a blast!!!

GoldensRBest

I love weddings. Please share a wedding photo

mara51506

Mel, I missed your post about the rear end within a day of a new car. Yes, insurance will cover it but that really sucks to happen. I am sorry.

tangandchris

Hi everyone

I feel a bit like an outsider, but I hope I can jump in and vent some.

It's been a tough week with family and marital issues. My husband has been working out of town since my MBC dx. He has taken a pay cut to be home, which should be great. But I'm not so sure. Money is something of an issue, but more than that we are not clicking. He's always been a wonderful support for me, but the communication is not good. We have talked about it, I've cried, he gets mad and it just feels like it shouldn't be this hard.

Also, my oldest daughter just found out she's pregnant with her 2nd baby. This is wonderful news!! But, they are also leaving next week to go overseas. I'm completely against it and honestly freaking out about. They will be gone a month and I'm selfishly thinking how much I will miss them.

I'm worried about her traveling newly pregnant with a 3 year old. Not to mention Covid!!

Thx for letting me vent.

booboo1

Tangandchris,

Firstly, you are not an outsider. We have no one by that name here. We are the supporters and champions of anyone who has suffered from this crazy disease called Metastatic Breast Cancer. So you are an insider in every way.

I just read today (Dear Abby) that “gray divorces” are, unfortunately, becoming more and more common since Covid started. I know I’ve had to dig my heels in and work extra hard to not run away from my marriage of 35 years. I’m glad I didn’t. It occurred to me how hard it must be for him sometimes, so I’m focused on looking for the good in him.

I am sorry to hear about your daughter though. It would be hard for any Mom not to worry about her pregnant child who is moving away overseas. Maybe focus on the thought that it’s only for a month and not permanently. But vent anytime. I just hope what I say helps a little.

Sunshine99

tangandchris, I second that you are NOT an outsider! I'm sorry you would even think that. I'm also sorry for all you are going through right now. Life is just so hard sometimes and there is just so much stress and sadness around us right now. You are welcome here, ALWAYS!

Micmel

Tangandchris~always welcome! Always ! having cancer and being married is very difficult. I don’t have the fight nor the will to argue or battle with anyone. No less him. It’s exhausting. It seems like each relationship took on a wreckage of some sort in. My life with each person I have one with. I am not the same person. I never will be again. Acceptance is what I need to do a better job at. I just don’t accept what has happened. It’s gonna be six years in January since diagnosis. It honestly feels like fifteen. Every day is grueling in its own way. One way or another. Wether it’s pain, emotional turmoil. Mental stress, physical fatigue. Each day as a Person without cancer is totally tough. I watch my DH who busts his ass to take care of things. But someone with cancer just plain can’t do things they used to. Letting go of that is difficult. Which. Brings me back to acceptance. I don’t know if I’ll ever find it.

I’ve learned I think he’s scared tooo. He doesn’t want to loose his partner of 18 years. It’s gotta be scary watching someone you love struggle. So I agree putting ourselves in their position is a good choice now and then to do. You’re all always welcome to plop down and let your feelings roll. No outsiders here.

Hi Runor!

mara51506

No strangers for sure in this group, we are all family, even if we spend some time apart as life happens for us.

Micmel

My daughter loves to have pictures taken. Her friend is a photographer and took some recent pics of her and Sil. They came out beautiful, sometimes I can't believe my little girl is a woman now.

GoldensRBest

Oh Mel - what a beautiful photo🥰. Your daughter looks so much like you - such a stunning young woman

mara51506

Very beautiful woman and wonderful photo indeed.

mara51506

Pocket duty if anyone needs it today, including Candy. My pocket duty is not just good for scans but if someone needs a lift in a stressful day.

I don't have much to do today, housework and walking mostly.

I must say that I am quite satisfied to notice that my heating rack with the tent over it does dry my towels and clothes quickly and I can remove stiff towels and toss them in the broken dryer (no heat) and tumble on no heat. They are softer than when I was using heat. Will put off fixing it for now since i do not need to. Also pleased that the vinegar I have used on my final rinse cycle keeps the dryer clean as in NO lint which is great.

booboo1

Mara,

Can you share your vinegar “recipe” that you use in the washer? I am probably weird, but I love the smell of vinegar, and I think it would be good for my washer. Thanks my friend.

booboo1

Mel,

That picture of your daughter has almost an angelic quality. She is beautiful like her Mama! And you need to start thinking that way, my girl. Beauty is so much more than the outside appearance. It includes the inside, and you are abundantly beautiful inside. You must have passed that on.

mara51506

I use a quarter cup of vinegar in the final rinse. My washer is smaller than a normal washer would be. If you use a normal size, go with 1/2 a cup with your final or only rinse. It will leave stuff softer after drying. Even though I cannot use the heat in my tumble dryer, I can use the air fluff to fluff out towels. No lint in my dryer.

My laundry goes small amount of detergent, about 1/4 cup of baking soda as well.

1st rinse with very diluted fabric softener. Softens and gives just a hint of smell without coating the items being wash.

Last rinse is the 1/4 cup of vinegar. I use hot water for all cycles if it is just towels and cloths, warm if clothes are being washed. 3 mins per cycle since my stuff is not soiled. Spin twice in my spin dryers to get rid of water and can be hung either on a regular rack to dry if in no rush or a heated rack before tossing in dryer to fluff.

For those who may not be aware, vinegar is fine in laundry or in my case steaming as well since it leaves no odour once the item is dry. If you like scent, essential oils may be the way to go in a vinegar rinse cycle.

Micmel

thank you ladies. She is a sweetheart inside and out. I am so proud of her. She has a heart of gold. The pictures came out lovely. My goodness to be young again.

mara51506

Mel, you said it. I miss my own younger days in hindsight, going to be 50 this November 11, crazy to think about.

I decided to take a long distance walk and get lunch since it is nice out today. Going to get cooler in the next few days which will be really nice to walk. Little warmer today.

Micmel

we are dealing with car crap. 😕

Micmel

BooBoo! 💜💜

booboo1

Mara,

Thank you. Someone told me they think that the dryer sheets are what is actually robbing our clothes of their brighter colors, and making whites not as white. I'd love to try doing my laundry with no dryer sheet in the dryer, but also an't wait to see how the vinegar rinse goes. I'll let you know how it turns out. And Mara, you are another one who I just know is beautiful. You are still young (in my book) and anyone who was lucky enough to find you and take you on a date would swoop you up in a minute. Besides, you've got to be the best laundress in Canada!!!!!

Hugs!

Tanya_Djamila

Mel sorry about the beautiful car. I hope your husband didn't get injured in anyway. Your daughters picture is beautiful. A photo to save and cherish.

Mara I will try the vinegar rinse bc I like it but my husband hates the way it smells.

Dutchris congratulations on your sons wedding.

Booboo I hope you're feeling well today.

Just a reminder for anyone interested today at 2:00 is the BC group on zoom.

My daughter started a new job today. First employment since her divorce and moving in with us. I hope and pray it all goes well. It's training first for answering and dispatching emergency calls. The training is 6 weeks I think.

Tanya

booboo1

Mel,

What’s up with the car? You guys sure have had your share of issues. But I blame it on the nutty drivers in PA. But then again, come to FL if you want to see some real interesting driving. What do you say, Tanya. Isn’t FL driving craziness even worse than NY?

Tanya_Djamila

Booboo I think FL is the perfect storm for senior drivers to meet millenials on wheels. Still no matter what they do NYC has the craziest drivers.

Tanya

KBL

Mel, sorry about your new car. I have a 2016 Fusion with 26,000 miles on it, and I still love it.

Your daughter is beautiful.

BooBoo and Tanya, yes to nutty Florida drivers. Was driving back and forth to Tampa up until 2015, and I had to stop because I was so stressed with the horrid traffic.

moth

Friends, I broke my arm! Lucky I didn't break a hip or give myself concussion because I fell hard out of my van onto the cement garage floor. I was squatting inside adjusting Olive's crate, getting ready to go to the park and just didn't get my leg under me when getting out & tumbled out. I got it casted in the er yesterday.

I'm learning to type one handed and to use the voice to text. I'm going to catch up on the posts now