My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I Super crashed early. I had dinner and my body was exhausted. I had so much going on Monday with bloodwork/XGeva shot... then the thing with my son at the ER.... then Tuesday I went and spent hours with my father... the DH came up and we were up late. Wednesday was spent with prep work and we had some Wednesday night company. Which ended up in another late night. I just hit my wall!! Extremely tired and need a serious long night sleep. Ugh! Good food though! Wow! DH made a home made cherry pie and crust! Omg fabulous! Sleep well! ~M~
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Love and thankfulness to everyone here. It is such a warm and supportive thread, even if I don't post much I get a lot out of your discussions. Love your photos Mrs M - I love to see we are just all normal ordinary people/families trying to get on with our lives.
Mel: Thanks for asking Since my previous Urgent Care visit I've got rid of the Nasty chesty cough and feel so much better on those lines. Even my DH has stopped coughing so I am out of the spare room!
Unfortunately this week my bloodwork came back with raised liver markers and Bilirubin creeping up Given my scare in March where I was down to only 1 chemo I could take (which thankfully worked) My MO sent me for an urgent ultrasound to make sure there was no blockage. Sadly, it meant no time for her to get results back to me that day (it was done at 6pm as I had to wait after eating) So we were told we must check into Urgent care and a doc will let me know the results Really didn't want to after our previous shenanigans. We waited 3/4 hour - not too bad - only to be told by the nurse the urgent care doc was not comfortable in giving me my results and I had to wait for my MO! Well that was all I wanted to do in the first place - but everyone - checking deck, ultrasound tech, booking lady on phone - said I should wait and see urgent care. Now I was in a worst position as I feared it showed something really bad. In the end my MO rang early the next day - and the US didn't show any blockage - its just the cancer getting the way (odd to think I felt this was good thing but hey thats cancer life) Remaining Urgent Care - to Scardy Cat Care!!!!! They definitely seem to have less experienced doctors in there! I love Kaiser - but I've had problems with Urgent Care quite a few times!!
I still have my lovely boys home from colleges, and one more day with my brother and his girlfriend who have looked after me like a princess all week.
Love to everyone and wishing you all successful treatments and low side effects!
Sarah
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I'm going to Em's for a week! Will be home on the second. Haven't been out there for well over a year. I'm excited! A whole week with my Wyoming kids!!!!
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Hello scwilly~I am so glad to see you here. I was hoping you had been feeling better since your jaunt to the urgent care. Sometimes I think they waste our time. Running us here and there. It's crazy. We don't have that kind of energy!! Yuck. I crashed so hard last night I could still be sleeping but I have to run out to get my medicine. It's a pain sometimes. Not to mention it's like 20 outside. I'll be in your pocket when you're at your Onc visit. Sweet sister. Hugs beautiful lady! ~M~
Good morning everyone! Sheila. ? How are you darling. ? You're on my mind. ๐คฒ
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Gracie~๐๐๐๐๐ you so much deserve to go. I am so happy for you. You need this time! Nothin like spending time with those you love. Especially children. They warm our souls. (When they behave of course lol). Love you friend. Hope you have a good time that you smile for weeks after. Travel safely lovely friend. ๐~M~
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A little late but Happy Thanksgiving everyone. So glad to read your posts.
We had a small turkey dinner, DH and I. I made a pumpkin pie so we had the traditional dessert. Very quiet, just the two of us but okay. Leftovers for today! DS plans to come for a few days at Christmas so I'm hoping to feel well enough then and to have the energy to do some food and decorations.
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Question: How do you all use this site? At first I used this site for research, frantically finding and reading everything I could that I thought pertained to my situation. I asked questions and people replied. I would also go to the 'active topics' heading and see if there was anything I could add that would help some else who was going through what I just went through.
Now I have 'my favorites' list. Several threads that seem to have become my groove. When I log in I see the active posts in my chosen list of favourites. But I rarely cruise over to the active topics heading to see who is new here.
In a way this streamlines my time here and keeps me in touch with people I consider my pack. But I also think it removes support from newcomers who might need to hear different stories. After a while I feel like a broken record and like everyone is sick of hearing me say the same stuff over and over. But to the new person, frantic and in a state of terrified disbelief, for them it is the FIRST time that maybe anyone has addressed their questions or comments. If I don't show up and give to these new people, I am, in a way, working against the whole point of this forum.
So I struggle with what is the right way to behave here to give back. To be involved. How many of you still check out the active thread and join in on discussions with newcomers seeking advice and support? How many of you do that only rarely but mostly cruise your few favorites (like I do), to touch base, to get your BCORG fix for the day, without looking at any other threads?
I know that Micmel has done such a stellar job of being a fine hostess and sweetheart, knowing what is going on with everyone, taking the time to mention and acknowledge, that when I come here I feel like I've been patted on the head by my favorite teacher. Or given a gold star on my school work. Oh, how I loved those gold stars! I NEED to stop in here, often just to read. I cannot keep everyone and everything straight in my head (thank you tamoxifen fo making me stupid!) but I do want to know how everyone is doing. There is something this thread in particular gives me that makes me feel connected to people who 'get it'. This and a few other threads. But my comfort maybe is making me a bad member? How do others use this site? -
Runor, I use it in the ways you mentioned. For research, I read the latest updates and use the search features to look up specific meds/procedures. I visit my favorite threads and agree, big shout out to micmel for keeping us all straight and for caring so much for this crew. I also browse the new posts daily and do share what Iโve learned, however, I find I mostly stick to the stage IV or threads related to problems I may have had too. I find it increasingly difficult to deal with things I consider trivial or morally objectionable.
BTW, weโre home from the cabin and today is my thanksgiving. Happy big plates of food day!
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Runor~ and Mae~I also look around. A lot. I read everything. It's also another way I keep my flock together. I never get sick of reading what anyone says. This thread has grounded me and I've buckled in for the long haul with all of you, know whom Ive come to love so much. I will offer some points if I feel the need. I think our words resonate if they are at the point of wanting the help or advice. Some people I just don't have time for. I've seen good. But I've also seen meanness wether it was purposeful or not. I just steer clear of all thingstoxic. That's usually how I roll. I do not usually post on many other threads. This is my Home but I truly do care!!~M~
Bigbhome ~ loving you ๐
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unor: I vusually stick to my favourite topics, unless I have a new specific question. A new chemo might add a thread. Sometimes the number off favourites go up in down somIm not overwhelmied. I find it hard to post, so read and mentally post all the time. Some thread reads are for comfort (def thi sone) , some for info (those these give a lot of support and comfort too) and some are just to make me laugh. As my cancer has become more difficult to manage it becoming more difficult to keep up and feel I can contribute (being so tired
Big hugs all round.
Sarah
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Scwilly~Hi there darling! I agree my topics fluctuate! I like dogs so i follow that one. Having cancer in general is a daily challenge that we have to maintenance in our minds and deal with unwanted side effects. It's not in our hands unfortunately. No matter what we attempt or how hard we try to stay positive. It sure Is life sucking and emotionallydamaging. Life isn't one big party. At least not in my life. Not anymore. I used to be so content. Now I'm just frightened of scans and any doctors visit at all. I'm just sick of the entire experience. I want to get off of this ride. I know you all do too. This thread is here because I don't want to hear about all the side effects I already know I feel. I'll read once and then learn. I love to have you all here. We are a team. Like our sweet Parry says. Hang in there ladies... a cure has to be out there somewhere. In some hands that don't even know it yet. I'm never giving up that hope. At least for our daughters daughters (or sons of course).
Hugs to all ~M~
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Mel - hey, boo! Iโm still here. I had a really rough go of it for a while. It scared me and my entire family. Couldnโt walk; had to use wheelchair, coughing continuously, slept all the time, couldnโt eat. All in all I lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks, bringing my total weight loss to 36 lbs. We were all worried that the end was coming and fast. It was scary! I tried reaching out to God again, hoping he hears me this time. Iโve felt abandoned by him for so long. Iโm not sure how thatโs going, but I just need to be at peace with my situation. And finally, finally, radiation kicked in. I can walk again without excruciating pain. Granted I havenโt walked any distance but I think Iโll be able to give up wheelchair this week! So happy to see so many of you doing well and enjoying the holiday. ~ xox
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Shelia~ty for checking in. I was worrying as well. I'm glad to hear that finally that the radiation is kicking in and relieving pain. You deserve the peace you are looking for and we love you. Very much. Ty for checking in! Sending you big gentle bear hugs. Much love my sweet friend ~M~
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Hello beauties!
Runor, I too use this site for research, comfort but also as a way to connect to others who might be going through a similar situation as I am. I feel isolated most of the time. It also helps me to vent the anger and sadness I go through as well as hopefully comfort other who are going through many emotions. If I can use this shit show to help others Iโm going to (whether I actually help or just lecture is still tbd, haha). Sometimes I come here to take my mind offbeat of myself too. I have my favorite threads and I browse the active threads to see if anything catches my eye. Iโd rather repeat repeat repeat than miss the chance that I actually help someone. In some way itโs how I use the cancer against itself (maybe thatโs silly, I know cancer isnโt self aware). One of the best things about this place is that you can use it however you want or need to as long as itโs not hurting other people. I definitely look around the stage 4 threads more and relate to what illimae (Happy Thanksgiving Day to you dear! Hope you enjoy your yummy food day) said about that.
Micmel,
your flock and you definitely keep us all together I feel like. I donโt know how you keep all of us and our goings on together, even if it is written on here! You are a super woman!
Shelia, I felt my breath catch when I read your post. Iโm very glad the radiation is finally helping. Sending you a very big soft warm hug and lost of prayers and positive thoughts. I donโt know if you celebrate Thanksgiving or not but hopefully all the yummy food this time of year will help slow the weight loss down so itโs not an alarming amount/rate of loss whether you wanted it gone or not. When I was first diagnosed my MO told me to watch out for weight loss and I literally laughed out loud and said Iโd be thankful for it. Now I can understand any sudden or drastic change is quite scary. Everything feels like trying to push a snowball uphill. If it rolls down it builds more snow and is hard to push on top of the lost progress to the top. How are you doing on your new Med? Hope itโs playing nice.
Take care everyone -
Yay for improvements Sheila, happy to hear it and hopeful it continues ๐
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Rainy chilly night I happen to love the rain. But my DH is driving in it. I don't like that at all. His DS..is flying in from holiday in Florida from visiting his good friend. So he's picking him upAt the airport...he is exhausted. He did so much work. I don't know how he does it all,and so well. I feel so lucky he loves me. He's so kind and helpful. Funny, silly, handsome..I just feel blessed in that area of my life. It's my people in my life that I am Thankful for... that includes you all.. keep warm. Last night was 26 tonight it's 37.. an improvement!! Lol brrrr I have bought two Xmas presents btw. I don't know where all this money is coming from lol bah hum bug! Lol.
Waving hello to Parry. Hope youโre well tonight. Iโm going to bed soon. Canโt wait. Lol
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Sheila, excellent developments for you! Woo hoo (air fist).
SCWilly, when you feel too tired and worn out to contribute, then just read for the comfort and knowing that whether you contribute or not, you are carried in the hearts and thoughts of everyone who walks the same road. That is the beauty of Micmel's thread, a place to just pop in and say, "Hi, feeling too lousy to post but hey anyway" and know that you are not forgotten.
Mae, now I want a happy big plate of food day! Of course we had our Thanksgiving back in October. And I didn't cook a turkey. Because I think left over turkey makes my fridge smell like someone farted in there. No to that!
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sure.... blame the fridge. Lol! ๐ ๐ lol
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Runor, your honesty is refreshing ๐๐
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Micmel!!! I am in shock! If I knew how to post a meme of someone with their mouth gaping open I would. You rat!
Bella, thank you. I have always found the smell of leftover turkey disturbing. Therefore I cook prime rib for all holidays and feel unrepentant. Even though Micmel just accused me of farting in the fridge!
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lmao I love you Runor. You make me smile every single day. I completely don't really think that. But. I adore you so I had to share my silliness. Or like my DH says. Blame the dogs lol. Love you all very much!! Or the fact that I act like I am 12 around him. Lol. ๐๐. And I LOVE prime rib. So I don't blame you. We call the items that remain too long in. Our fridge science experiments. If I'm honest the turkey got to me too. Lol but I still adore you. In our playful way!
If any of you ladies are up for a hilarious stand comedy routine. Try ILIza Sherlinger millennial comedy stand up... talk about hilarious. This is for Runor below!
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.............Love you my friend
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runor - Iโll be to your house for Christmas dinner! I love love prime rib.
Mae - your trip looked like so much fun. I have a cottage about a half hour from my house. Iโm right at the beach and there is nothing I love more than waking up to look out all my windows at the lake. Just relaxing!
Gracie- im glad your going on your trip. How you have survived abraxane this long is beyond me. It was so hard on me and feel itโs about as hard as this ac chemo is.
I have my third ac tomorrow morning. Takes all I have to make go. Three more to go after this, ughhh. My next one is the week before Christmas so my down time will be Christmas Eve and pretty much the first half of the week. I havenโt been going anywhere bc of this is this worst time for germs and sick people. I canโt afford to get sick on top of this all and/or miss another treatment. I sit here at home being Christmas orders happy. I have lot done so far. I just donโt think Iโll Be into it this year being so miserable from chemo. I have to do it in hopes to be here next Christmas.
My son came home for thanksgiving from Colorado Springs. I bought him a ticket to come here bc we normally go see him. I knew Iโd never make the long 13 hour trip there. It was a short time he was here, flew in Tuesday and left early Saturday. I was disappointed some bc he seems to have spent a total of maybe four hours with his mother. Most the time he wasnโt with friends and husband dadโs family. I known itโs hard to see everyone but I thought maybe Iโd be a little more of a priority on his list.
Have a good week girls. Hope everyone has nothing but good all week long.
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The weekend flew by of course. When doesn't it. ? Especially if my DH has any extra time off. It seems to fly by. i scan first thing tomorrow morning, so I will be drinking the barium hand lotion tonight before bed. How much I hate this. You all already understand. This is just crap. Crap crap crap!
Skitz~I'll be thinking of you in your ac. In your pocket for sure. THe things we have to go through once that diagnosis occurs. Like I said crap!
Runor. You know I love you and don't really think anyone would actually do that. Lol I love your humor so much. It warms my heart the way you make me laugh. Honestly. You really make me smile. ๐๐คฒ ~M~
Have a good night beauties.
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micmel- ๐ praying for positive results for you. I wish I was lucky enough to stay on ibrance as long as you have. I made 18 months and thought that was good.
Enjoy your delicious cocktail. Ughgh they are horrible. I drink as fast as I can.
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I add a little chocolate syrup to it. To block that awful taste, itโs still difficult but masks it enough to get it down my gullet!! No one enjoys any of this. It suuuckkkks!
Hugs to you !
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Micmel, in your pocket with you for scans. I always ask for chocolate flavor but I've never gotten it yet. They *say* they sometimes have it.
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thank you muddling. I am in the throes. Of scanxiety. My stomach is already feeling queasy and I haven't even opened the damn bottle up yet. Says. Before bedtime. Yeah I'm sure it's so we don't yak it all up. It's so depressing that this has happened to us all. I'm sorry for each and every one of us. Truly I am. I just hope I don't ๐คฎ๐๐. Deep calming breaths! ๐
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In your pocket with muddling, you got this ๐
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Micmel, love that lady. That's exactly how I look when I smell turkey in the fridge!
Scan story, sort of. years ago I had to have some procedure in which my guts had to be 100% empty. The pharmacist gave me a bottle of liquid with very clear and emphatic instructions to take only HALF the bottle. Just HALF! So I took half and an hour later I wasn't pooping. So I took the other half. About an hour after that oh my god. OH. MY. GOD. I thought I was going to die. I thought my guts were going to come out. After hours of this I finally took my pillow into the bathroom and while seated on the toilet leaned against the wall with my pillow and dozed and drained.
Next day some tech took an x-ray of me, then while standing behind his little nuke proof booth I heard him chuckling. I asked what was so funny. He said, "You are the emptiest person I have ever seen!" Yeah, ha ha, so funny, smart guy.
I hope it goes better for you but this gook you have to drink sounds vile and gross. Like caramel Bailey's BLAH!
Hugs to all. Reading what everyone has going on, cheering, praying, weeping or cooking turkey with you all!
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