Tamoxifen. My Life is Already a Mess. What's the point?

AnaMaria34

Hi All,

Anyone out there like me? I'm 34. I am very fortunate to have many good things in my life, but I am miserable. I have existential depression for which medication and therapy doesn't help. (I still go to my psychiatrist and counselor frequently nonetheless hoping to find something.) My depression has been around for more than 20 years at this point.

I quit my job because I was miserable working. It wasn't the employer's fault. I just had no motivation to do what was required. Now I stay home doing nothing (no housework, no hobbies, nothing productive or even enjoyable) all day, every day. I don't contribute to the household or to my health in any way (other than going to appointments).

I have no goals or aspirations. I want to feel better but don't have the willpower or energy to take any steps. And if and when I do, I frequently end up making others miserable with my negativity. Of course, I feel awful about myself.

I also have some medical conditions that may be worsened with the use of tamoxifen. (Frequent migraines, lichen sclerosis of the vulva)

With my depression, fatigue, medical conditions, and all of the other things that may happen (decreased libido, fat storage, body pain, etc.) is it worth it for me to take tamoxifen?

My loving saint of a husband is understandably miserable. I feel like tamoxifen doesn't offer me (or my family) any real benefit.

I don't want to regret a decision I made in a depressive state that can't be undone if I happen to find myself happy in the future. But I don't want to waste my time and my family's time with more of my issues should tamoxifen make things worse.

I have to tell my doctor soon what my decision is about treatment. I had a bmx. I've decided not to do chemo. I have no idea what to do about reconstruction. Is tamoxifen worth it for me? I really don't feel like following up with trying to manage any side effects I experience.

Thanks for reading what I'm sure comes across as a very annoying negative post.

gb2115

Hi AnaMaria---I am 38 and have been on tamoxifen since the end of February. Just so you know, no awful side effects, at least not yet. I get hot flashes during certain times of my menstrual cycle, but they're short--so short it's more amusing than anything. They last maybe 2 minutes, I get them maybe twice a day. Everyone is different, but I thought you should know that not everyone is miserable on Tamoxifen.

Hopfull2

hi anamaria, I am 37 and I just started my 3rd bottle of tamoxifen. My side effects are mild. I finished chemo at the end of February and in 2weeks going in for reconstruction surgery. This whole thing sucks. It rocked my work and turned it upside down. It's normal to feel this way. But you can get through this. Just try and stay positive and find what makes you smile. Things you enjoy and go and do it. Hugs to you

Moderators

AnaMaria, We just wanted to drop in and say we're so sorry to hear you're dealing with this depression and hopelessness. We are sending our positive thoughts and love, and hoping things will turn around for you.

Perhaps hearing from others that tamoxifen may not make things worse will help you make a decision. What if you try tamoxifen for a while and if you experience major side effects, talk to your doctor about other options, or take a break for a while?

We hope this helps and that you hear more soon from others here who can help!

--The Mods

exercise_guru

AnaMarie

Tamoxifen can increase depression but have you gotten any help or assistance medically? It sounds like Paxil ( cant take with Tamoxifen) or Effexor ( can take it with Tamoxifen) would really help. Truly when you are feeling this terrible it is time to find a way to help. I didn't read the kind of cancer you had. if Chemo was recommended and as young as you are I think it is important for you to know your risk factors before abandoning it completely. Also there are social workers at the hospital that can give you some help and listen. They work with a lot of cancer patients. I found them to be very helpful.It is hard to fight for happiness in a black fog but don't give up.

dtad

Anamaria...so sorry you are feeling so bad. Depression can rob us of life. Would you mind making your stats public on the forum? We could help you more if we knew more of your story. Good luck and keep us posted.