Mom diagnosed with Grade 3 Stage 3

Lolacherrycola

So my mom was diagnosed after months of switching out sketchy doctors, and she was diagnosed with Stage 3, Grade 3 breast cancer. They want to check to make sure it hasn't spread to other parts of her body like her brain.

I'm still in shock but have waves of anxiety and sadness. But it hasn't really hit me yet because she never seems actually sick. She's just tired sometimes.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I don't know how to be supportive. She's fine one minute then yelling how she's going to die the next and that she doesn't want chemo because they told her it will make her hands and feet go numb possibly permanently. She doesn't want her lymph nodes out because of the fluid build up...And they want to put a chemo port directly into her breast. I just don't know what to say to her. Nobody in my family has had cancer except for my paternal grandpa and that was due to exposure to chemicals. I don't know what She wants me to do. she's emotionally extreme right now, and hates it when I tell her it will be okay or tell her about my friends' mothers who are doing fine now "Because she's worse off" than everyone else. She's also attacking me personally and sometimes I don't know who she is anymore. I know it's scary and stressful, but if someone could tell me how to better tend to her emotional needs, please help me.

She has 2 large tumors that appeared within 3 months (immediately after a tick bite very close to her now tumors and armpit that demonstrated Lyme, so she's also going to the infectious disease dr to see if they could be correlated). Also all 3 tests have come back with different results. One tumor is triple positive, one is some hormone positive, and the one in her lymphnode is different. They also won't do surgery until they get the tumors under control with chemo.

I'm afraid she's also latching onto this tick disease possibility because she doesn't want the cancer to be just cancer. She wants an explanation. Bartonella and Lyme do sometimes cause tumors in the breast.. but idk if they cause 3 different types of them.

She also goes to the doctor alone. She doesn't want input from anyone. She's divorced and single. I'm worried about her emotionally and health-wise. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I don't know how to help her.

This is probably my worst nightmare. I can't even comprehend or process what is happening because I never thought this could happen. But I don't want my inability to process and her anger to drive a wedge between us.

So what do I do?

Thanks

O