Would like your quotes about your fears for a new campaign

Moderators

• Breastcancer.org is launching a fundraising and awareness campaign around the fears and anxieties associated with breast cancer. Would you be willing to share your point of view? Your name, image, and powerful quote may be featured in a variety of ways to educate people about the need for more education, support, and access. Thanks for your help!!!

If you'd like to share your perspective, please submit your answer to one of these three questions to ttf@breastcancer.org, post it below, or PM the Mods.

• What scares you most about breast cancer?
• How did you manage the fear?
• How did your support system help ease your fears?

All submissions must include your name, quote (35 words or less), and image (a headshot sized 600x600px, web resolution: 72 dpi).

If you would like to share your point of view but remain anonymous, please send your submission to the mods via direct message. Submissions may be featured in a graphic or video in the future (*username, image will not be used).

Breastcancer.org reserves the right to use language in its entirety or in part. No creative license will be taken. Your likeness and quote will be shown to you before it is used.

Examples of ideal submissions:

What scares you the most?

• "Has cancer spread? That is my biggest fear. I am working on not letting stress and worry make matters worse. Not knowing is very difficult. Support and info from others is VERY helpful." –Willow52, 4/16/17
  https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topics/854100?page=1#post_4947545

How did you manage the fear?

• "I am completely unashamed to rely on antidepressants and anxiety meds. They're helping me survive and filter out my extreme feelings and focus on healthy coping skills." –Lindzanne, 4/16/17
  https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topics/854190?page=1#post_4947676

How did your support system help ease your fears?

• "I believe my fears are fueling my imagination and plan to take the advice of new BCO friends. Their stories and personal experiences have brought me hope and a greater level of calm." –notanisland, 4/16/17 https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topics/854100?page=1#post_4947689

Denise919

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. I was not so much scared, but shocked since I have always been relatively healthy and am not, nor have I ever been on any medication other than daily vitimins, however, my christian faith and my husband and church family were my support system. I prayed a lot, which I do anyway and knew in my heart that whatever happened, my Lord was always there right beside me so I was able to get through the treatments with relative ease. Of course, i was depressed at times and in various degrees. That's when my support system (husband and church members) really encouraged me. My advice to breast cancer patients and survivors is to have a strong faith in God, and yourself and to have a support system in place that you can really count on when the going gets rough, because it WILL get rough and to reach out to any and all forums you come in contact with. It really helps.

javamama

My greatest fear was dying and leaving things undone. My second greatest fear was the cancer had spread and I would have to do chemo until the day I died. Interestingly enough, the full body scan after the mastectomy indicated that the rest of me was clean... which allowed me the ability to breath and plan to do the most essential things right away-so I wouldn't ever again feel as if I left something undone. My support system didn't alleviate my fears. They couldn't. But they uplifted me and cocooned me in support so that I could go on until I learned I scanned clean. They helped me live day by day until I could BREATH again.

Moderators

BUMP! Would anyone else like to contribute and also volunteer to take our survey? If so, please send us a PM with your email address and we'll include you on the survey list. Thank you!!!

Traveltext

Most people going through cancer diagnosis, treatment and remission are dealing with alternate emotions of fear and hope in a state of anxiety. Fear of test results, fear of income loss, fear of inadequate health insurance, fear of poor medical attention, and fear of recurrence. Worst of all, you fear for your long-term survival chances.

Treatment is a sort of sanctuary, and while you are preoccupied with your condition through this phase, afterwards you have to adjust your brain to contend with a new reality and the sooner you can find a way to allay your fears the better. Meditation or tai chi works for some, others seek distractions in work or play, and/or with friends or family. But fear returns when you are lying awake in the early morning, and your brain reverts to such thoughts as how many treatments are enough, and how can you possibly do enough surveillance? Oh, and Is that a met symptom? Then, waiting for your regular screening results brings on the dreaded scanxiety.

Fortunately, we can push fear aside with that that positive emotion, hope. To live in a state of hope, to have confidence in hopeful outcomes sustains all of us living with cancer. Improved survival rates give rise to further hope. Gradually, as time goes on, you realize your survival odds are really quite good, and fears become illogical. Hope has conquered fear.

SSBNewbie

My greatest fear from the moment I learned that I had breast cancer was not being there for my 15 year old son with autism. I need more time to prepare his 17 year old sister to advocate for him.

Jojobird

What scares me most about breast cancer is death. Dying. Even writing that makes me choke. I've got a 12 year old daughter and husband both of whom I love very much. I grab time in fistfuls and take each day like a feast.

What helped me manage the fear is talking about death and dying. We deny it in this culture, but I didn't hesitate to make arrangements, organize my finances, call on my women friends to help out. I also joined a support group, joined these boards, and this also: after my treatments ended, I wrote letters to the nurses and doctors who helped me, expressing my deep gratitude for their work. I also continue to take antidepressants, hike and run, and let myself say "no" much more often, without guilt.

My husband, daughter, and friends are my support system. They let me cry, vent, nap, eat or not eat, -- all emotions were allowed at the table, all fears, angers, hopes, joys. We made a "Feelings Rights" poster in our house and honored it. Allowing the full experience has been very healing. I've resisted the pressure to be positive and to be strong. I've let myself be weak and angry. Thich Nhat Hanh once said, "No mud, no lotus," and both had, will always have, a space in my yard.

gb2115

My fear is not being around to see my daughter grow up, get married, and maybe have a daughter of her own. I manage the fear by doing my best to be in the moment when I am with her, to soak it all in, and have her know how much her mommy loves her. I need to do better at staying in the moment, but it's getting a little easier.

shelabela

What scares me the most?

I have always been a very healthy women I am 43 years old and I am the rock in my family. I have always had yearly appointments and 6 months before I found out I had cancer was my last one,. My Dr felt no lump on my breast. I also have done monthly self exams. In Oct 0f 2016 I felt a hard spot on my left breast, the next month it was bigger. When I finally got in to see my dr it had grown to 3 times the size of when I first felt it.

To answer that question of what scares me the most...........

" Is that something can spread that fast that quick and you never know about it."

I never had any symptoms, I have no cancer in my family.

If I had not did self breast exams this would not have been found for another 9 months. It would of spread to who knows where. In 3 months that it grew that big it also spread to my lymph nodes.

Another quote I live by

"One more minute, One more hour, One more day, closer to kicking Cancers butt!" This is how I live my life now. There is no planning farther then an hour later, You never know when that next side effect will catch you.

When I am at work and miserable and want to go home I tell myself that.

Thanks.

Shellie Gossman

Ojttocs

• What scares you most about breast cancer?
• How did you manage the fear?
• How did your support system help ease your fears?

I've always known that breast cancer could kill me, but I was blessed with 17 years of remission. Seventeen years of quiet, intruded only by that yearly mammogram scanxiety. Then, suddenly, it was back with a vengeance. Now, with bone and skin mets and numbers climbing, I'm facing the worst possible outcome: I really may die. I'm not ready to give up, however, so I still use the same weapon I've always used to battle this horrible disease: Knowledge. I learn everything I can. I read. I consult with experts. I connect with fellow cancer travellers. Breastcancer.org and other forums help me learn from my sisters and brothers about the human aspects of managing our diseases. There is wisdom and comfort knowing that others are here as well.

Intelligal

What scares me the most about breast cancer is the suffering-Cancer is a horrible disease and I fear the suffering and pain the most-

I also fear that antiperspirant is causing many of the breast cancers in women today and we are over-looking this problem. I know, they did research, right-I don't believe a word of it-Secret, for example many women use this in America... I really do think we need to stop using antiperspirants-this is from an educated women who did the research, on herself-Period!

God Bless To All of You Beautiful Women who have cancer-Fight, never let cancer win! Period!

Intelligal-BSN RN

Momine

Traveltext, completely off topic, but you look so much like people in my family that it is almost eerie Any Scandi or German genes?

Moderators

Intelligal - Thank you for your contribution and welcome to BCO, although we're sorry you find yourself with cause to join us. We're sure you'll find support and encouragement in this wonderful community, so please spend some time getting to know some of our other members and threads. Let us know if we can be of any assistance!

Best wishes,

The Mods

Traveltext

Momine, none of the connections you mention. English ancestry and six generations in Australia.

Momine

Traveltext, funny! Oh, well, at least we are BC siblings.

Traveltext

Momine. Yes indeed. And isn't it great having 186,966 siblings!

Momine

Yes, always some sort of upside

Pwnhusa

I just found out few weeks ago that I had a 5 cm cyst from my mammogram ,they brought me in and showed me the last 3 years how it's got bigger ,so they said should have drained ,so they called today and made the appt but now they said if its thick they might have to do a biopsy ,imam just wondering why they didn't tell me that when they brought me in the room and just telling me now , so now my stress is high over this ,Should I be concerned and has anybody else experience this ,tks

Meow13

My biggest fear after being diagnosed with breast cancer was the TREATMENT.

I managed my fear by talking with others diagnosed with breast cancer and anti anxiety medications.

The best support system was my friends who had been through it. Mostly just listening and talking through my fears. My family wasn't very helpful because they were just as afraid and not very knowledgeable.

Artista928

My biggest fear was my family finding out, aside from my bro. Don't get me wrong, they are kind and loving but way over the top anxieties. They are also Dr Phil and Dr Oz experts from having watched the shows. I already have anxiety issues that have been at bay since I've cut them out of the loop. Thankfully none of them live close so it's easy to hide. I've been locked up before due to anxiety and they don't want to see that for me again so I play that card if someone says they are coming to visit fam and want to see me too. 3 years. Works great. Emails is how I keep in touch.

txharleygal

Fear: a feeling that is part of life just like joy and sorrow is. Without fear we would never be able to find out just how damn strong we are when we have to be.

June 3, 2016...a day that I remember quite vividly. Out of work for 2 plus years, at the end of March I had just started a brand new job and was so excited. But God had other plans for me as I had found a lump and was going in to have it checked. As I finished double checking my history on the iPad they gave me at check in, I hesitated to check yes or no on the very last question "has anything changed since your last mammogram"...I checked yes and that was the start o(r detour) on my current journey.

I am the don't make waves, don't get in trouble, the "little middle kid" that flies under the radar person. Breast cancer doesn't allow that to happen to you.

Without my faith in God, the support of my husband and family and a whole lot of prayer I am where I am today. Does it suck - sure it does. I had days where I cried, screamed and hated every single moment of that particular day . I also had "ok" days and counted on those days to make the bad ones manageable. I learned a whole lot about people along the way as well which is a whole other story. Do I dwell on it - absolutely not.

I ride my own Harley. I have a patch on my vest that says "Put your big girl panties on and biker up!"

In life all we need to do is hang on for the ride! God's got it all!!

artistatheart

My biggest fear is that my DH will decline a lot without me. Start drinking more, not know what to do with the finances, get in a crummy relationship where the new woman takes him for a ride. Not that he is helpless or dumb. I just love him so much I don't want to see him hurting for even a day.

Lalajordan7

Hello everyone I am in tears as I read all of your post of unsupported husband. I'm not sure how I am feeling I was Diagnosed stage 3 breast cancer in Jan. Me and my husband planned the perfect wedding in the park...then I found out I had breast cancer. So April 6th 2017 we got married at the court house never got to wear my beautiful wedding dress. I am 48 years old 4 grandbabies n I'm scared to death...my husband has been by my side everyone thinks he is so amazing n yes I do too but emotionally I'm not allowed to be afraid...I feel like I'm not allowed to be afraid and yesterday they put my port in I'll start Chemo on the 5th of June. When I talk about how afraid I am he says things like it won't be that bad you'll be fine. I worry about everything this is so scary for me but if I bring it up he shuts me down. He does not realize how serious this is...he does not understand. We got in a big argument today we have 2 pit bull puppies who are out of control he works all day and I have to take care of them and once I start chemo it's going to be so hard. I told him today we should think about finding one of them a home. He flipped out and said he is moving out and I'm selfish. I am so afraid of what I am going to go through and his loyalties are literally to his dogs before me. I feel like he should be more concerned with my health. Yesterday after my port got out in he was at work and as bad as I felt I had to tend to the dogs and the male is so strong he almost knocked me down. What am I gonna do once I start Chemo? I have to deal with caring for the dogs or lose my husband. I don't think he realizes what I am emotionally going through. He famous words are.... you can't do anything about it so don't let it consume you, It breaks my heart. I feel like he should be putting my health first. He acts as if cancer is not that serious. I'm sorry I been holding all this in and have no one to talk to because I don't want to involve my family because everyone thinks he is so amazing since all this cancer stuff. I just want to be stress free and I want him to see how all this is effecting me. When I am scared of the unknown he says I have nothing to worry about. Do I have the right to be afraid? Or should I hold in my feelings? I'm am so afraid! So many things crossing my mind like after all the chemo will it come back? Is this cancer gonna be the cause of my death. I don't know I'm just so sad. I feel so alone right now. I just needed to vent since I can't do it anywhere else. Thank you and God bless all of you!

Traveltext

I wouldn't mind those puppies if I was well, let alone starting bc treatment. If your new husband doesn't understand your situation enough to prioritise you while you go through this, then I see a big red flag this early in the marriage. You really do need to sit down with him now and set some protocols that work for you both, because you'll be too tired to manage the dogs during the days after each chemo treatment.

Meow13

Does your husband ever go with you to doctor's appointments? Maybe if a nurse or doctor talked to him about the seriousness of your health and the toll of the treatment he may understand. I know when my doctor talked about taking at ease after my surgery my husband definitely took in more seriously. My husband at first did not want me to stay with my mother while recovering he thought I would be ok alone during the day. After my doctor talked to him he realized that I would be better at my mothers.

Sometimes social workers are there to help find counselling for couples affected by cancer.

ndgrrl

What scares me the most is that it will return. It was found on my first ever mammo, no lump, so sign it was there. Like a monster under the bed, it was there and I was unaware. This I fear the most....

WenchLori

Lorrie, my DH was a lot like yours. He was so uninterested when I told him I had BC. I went to all my appointments by myself at first. Once we started talking about my surgery options which was 4 months after my diagnosis he became more involved. We only talked once about the what ifs. We both have a crazy sense of humor at stressful times. He told me at that time "everything is going to be ok. We'll do everything that needs to be done together." Then he added "besides I'm not lucky enough to be rid of you that easily" we both broke out laughing and we've been laughing our way through all of the ups and downs. He was by my side when I had my DBMX and I think he would have gone in the OR if they'd let him. He was with me for my port placement. He's gone with me to all my chemo treatments and he would have gone to all my radiation treatments if he could have taken a month off from work. He was able to make it to a few of my visits with my RO to ask questions about how things were "really going"? My hubby used to work with lasers and radiation for the AF so he knew a lot about it already. He'd check my treatment area every day to help keep an eye for any type of infection. He'd change my dressings when the skin under my arm peeled away. I'm praying that your DH wakes up and realizes BC is a serious life changing disease and that you need his support now more than ever. I agree with Traveltext, if his reasoning doesn't change then I think that's a big red flag also.

"If I stop laughing I'll start crying" it fits for me. I never went through the fear stage of my BC diagnosis. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it's because learning everything I could about my diagnosis, surgery options and the treatments to follow made the fear not get a hold on me? I found the humor in everything I possibly could. My BS, PS, MO, RO and any other doctor I had to deal with had no idea of how to take me at first. On all of my first visits with my caretakers I told them up front "If I stop laughing, I'll start crying so please laugh with me." And they did. The girls at my chemo and radiation clinics told me I brought sunshine in with me with every visit. At the end of my chemo sessions I learned that several patients requested to be scheduled at the same time I was as I made them laugh and forget about the poison that was being fed into their veins for just a few hours. I understand that laughter doesn't work for everyone but it helped me to keep fear out of my BC journey.

Sending gentle healing hugs and prayers for all that may need them

🤗💜🙏

triciaj20

Has anyone experienced tamoxifen induced retinopathy?

Moderators

Dear triciaj20,

You might get more responses if you post this question in the Hormonal Therapy Forum - try the topic Bottle 'o Tamoxifen.

The Mods

MomAngel

I was diagnosed March 2017. I had a lumpectomy on March 21 and two lymph nodes removed. The lymph nodes were not infected more was the tissue they removed. My onco type score is 23 so I'm in the intermediate level for possible reoccurrence 13%.

What scares me most is that this is my third bout with this disease all three times different types. This time though I'm scared more like petrified. I start chemo June 7, 2017 4x TC every 21 days. I'm scared of the SE's.

I am not ashamed to admit that I take lexapro an anti depressant I'm not ashamed to admit I needed help. I need help with chemo I hate vomiting and feeling nauseous it makes my anxieties go through the roof! Any suggestions would be fantastic. I start to see an acupuncturist on Monday 6/5 to help with anxiety and the nausea and vomiting.

I've heard mixed things about the type of TC I'm getting that the TC isn't as harsh as some of the chemo drugs so the likelihood of being nauseous and vomiting is minimal.

Thanks everyone for these boards they've been helpful.

lt84

Will it return? I take life day by day. I look for the positives in each situation. I pray. I spend time with family and friends. Cancer took away enough. It won't steal my joy.