Paralyzed with fear!!

Sheliahm

Hello all

So I was Diagnosed with tnbc in 8/2016. Completed chemo and a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction in 2/20 and now I'm waiting to start rads. But as im waiting I'm seeing and feeling small bumps in the infected breast. One was cut off and of course there was cancer present. But also feeling something right above my collar bone. My onc thinks it's regional occurrence but I have a have it of focusing on the worst possible outcome..metastasis. This is all I think about. When I was Diagnosed I pretty much knew I would die from this disease but not this soon. I'm being told to have faith and stay positive and I'm trying but its really hard. And all though I'm staying with my sister I'm kind of going through this myself. I went to all my treatments doc appts alone and it's tough. I have a bad feeling and I really feel like giving up. I feel like I can't move on.

Jojobird

Shelia,

I hear you, feel your fear. My dx is very similar to yours, only I had 21/21 nodes. I'm one year out from dx. Just last night I had terrible chest pain and today rushed to an appt, only to have the doctor (after oxygen test, bp and EKG) tell me everything looks fine. I feel better now. Thinking it might be anxiety related, or due to too much vaccuuming with my left arm (right is susceptible to lymphedema). Long story short: I am right there with you in the fear, in the worry, in the thinking what if, what if. Let me tell you last night my mind went to some very dark places. I don't have any easy answers, but know what you are not alone. I hope you are getting support - I have called bc support lines during some very difficult moments, and the women who answer throw me lifelines. This is a very difficult diagnosis, and I join you in the 3C club. I hope you can get out and take a walk, go pet a dog or cat (if possible), call a friend, try to get off the carousel of fear. Or not, and feel all the feelings, and cry and scream. Whatever works.

Hugs to you.

Sheliahm

Thankyou for responding jojobird. I feel like running to the er because of the chest pains. I want to not be scared anymore because it's out of my control.

Meadow

Shelia, your anxiety is certainly understandable, and I am sorry you feel alone in this battle. Have you asked your doctor for some anti anxiety meds? This would really help, I think. And please continue to reach out here on BCO, you are certainly not alone. Sending support to you.