More worried about telling my family then anything :(

Anonymous

More worried about telling my family then anything

lakegirl22

When I went for my mammogram 6 months ago they found calcifications & told me to come back in 6 months for a recheck. I have extremely dense breast tissue and lots of cysts so they usually do a sonogram which they didn't do this time for some reason. My left breast has gotten noticeably bigger in the past year so I had a bad feeling as soon as they said I needed to come back. So I went back on March 28 and they ended up doing a sono also and said that not only had my calcifications changed but they also had found a solid mass under one of the large cysts that did not show up on the mammogram. So I went for my biopsies yesterday morning. Had 2 different ones, they were both painless and went fine. When the Dr. was doing the second one I said this is the mass I am worried about & he said, this one has me pretty concerned also. So they were supposed to give me the results today but called and said the pathologist needed additional time so they will call me in the morning with the results. I have had a bad feeling about this from the beginning. I hope I am wrong but I am wondering is it normal for me to be more worried about my family right now then myself? I absolutely DREAD telling my parents, they are elderly and I know this is going to be SOOO hard on them. Not to mention my husband and my kids. Part of me doesn't even want to find out because if it is bad news then I have to deal with telling my family

lovepugs77

Hi Lakegirl22, and welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us. The people here are a great source of support.

I felt the same way as you do about telling people. I didn't want to worry them, and didn't want to deal with all of the questions that i didn't have answers to. I was diagnosed in February and my fiancé knew because he had been to the biopsies and was with me at the follow up when the surgeon told me. I waited a month to tell anyone else - by that time I had my surgery scheduled and was able to talk about it a little better since I had a plan ( which has since changed based on the results of that surgery). We only told our immediate family - our parents and my brother. They all handled it well, and have been a good source of support. After that surgery's pathology came back, I told a few more family members and my best friends. So far, this kind of tiered revealing of info has worked for me - I haven't been inundated with questions/comments from people, and they've all respected my wishes about privacy. When and how you tell people is truly up to you. You just need to do whatever. Works best for you, and trust that people will understand that you need to put your own needs first right now.

Im hoping that you get good news this morning and don't have rode all with all of this. You will be in my thoughts today

Moderators

lake girl, we're thinking of you, and wishing you benign test results! Please come back and let us know how it goes.

The Mods

lakegirl22

thank you both for your replies and encouragement, will let you know!

keepthefaith

lakegirl, Being a Mom, I think we are wired to "protect" our loved ones from bad news. My children are both adults and it was still very difficult for me. I felt guilty, worried and didn't want to burden them. But, my family turned out to be a great source of strength and support for me. My Mom was 80 yrs old and also a BC survivor, so she knew what I was going through. It's a hard pill to swallow, but you will be surprised how strong we really are. I hope you have nothing to tell them!:) Best wishes.

SummerAngel

In my experience with this and other types of stressful situations, how you handle the situation will very strongly influence how your loved ones handle it. I kept my friends and family, including my children, in the loop from the beginning and just stuck with the facts. I didn't cry or freak out in front of them, and they took everything in stride. The fact is that the majority of us will have to deal with the treatment but then will go on to live a normal lifespan. That's what I kept in mind the entire time. Emotions are contagious, and if you keep yourself together while talking to your family they will be much more likely to keep themselves together as well.

lakegirl22

I so appreciate everyone's input and encouragement! Today was a little disappointing as they had said they would have the results today since they didn't have them yesterday. Well the nurse was very good to keep in touch with me and told me that the pathologist needed some more time so it would be later on this afternoon. By 3pm she called me back and said that he was needing to do further testing so if they did not call me by 4pm then it would be Monday before I heard from them. Part of me was disappointed and the other part was kind of glad. Its Easter weekend and I will be with all of my family and while my husband and kids know, my parents and siblings do not so it will be easier being around them and not knowing yet I guess. I have to say that all of this is just making me even more convinced that the results are not good. If it was all benign they would surely know that by now. And if 80% of all biopsies are benign and they usually find out the next day and 20% need more time to be tested by pathology then that to me would mean usually the 20% are the ones that are malignant. I just want to know and move on! Sp I will be back on Monday to fill you in hopefully. Thanks so much for the replies it means a lot to me to know that people care and are listening.

obsolete

LakeGirl, so very sorry you are finding yourself in this stressful situation. Yes, delays are worrisome, but delays due to Easter holiday weekend short staffing with quality control & senior pathology staff possibilities are not abnormal. Some borderline pathologists require outside consultation, so please feel assured that this extended delay may be in your favor. It shows that your pathology people are not merely jumping to conclusions, i.e. that the quality consciousness is crucial. I would not necessarily assume this is a negative concern.

The fact that you are more concerned about telling family indicates you are a "service-to-others" type of character (vs service-to-self). This positive characteristic usually reveals those people are of high emotional intelligence. Hence, whatever the outcome, you will do extremely well, due to your emotional intelligence factor and your realistic outlook.

As difficult as the waiting may be, please try to find peace with your family as you all celebrate Easter weekend. May Jesus Christ be with you always. Hugs

Denise-G

Wishing you all the best - Just a note on elderly parents - my mom was 78 when I was diagnosed.  I was afraid to tell her, but wow, she stepped up to the plate and was my caregiver.  Little did I know at that time that 2 years later, she would be diagnosed.  She was better able to handle it because of what she went through with me.  Then one year later, my sister was diagnosed.  We all had a lot of experience and helped support each other.  Not easy by any means, but we did it.

MinusTwo

I did not tell anyone until I had been through considerable testing & had a treatment plan in place. No need for others to worry until then, except of course your DH.

Once everything was confirmed, I told only my grown son & my ex-husband & two friends. I didn't want to have people calling all the time to see how I was doing when the only answer could be 'crappy'. I didn't want people bringing food that I couldn't eat. I didn't want to have to worry about how others were handling it and certainly didn't want to make happy conversation around the elephant in the room.

If you feel that you want the support, then by all means reach out. But in my opinion, it will be easier on you and on them if you wait until you know where you're headed.

lakegirl22

Wow "obsolete" I love how you picked up on exactly the type of person I am! Thank you for your words they brought me comfort knowing that you are exactly right!

lakegirl22

thanks Denise-G, my mom is also 78. I am hoping that she will be able to handle this as well. It helps to hear other peoples experiences.

Racy

Hi, you don't have to tell anyone (if there is something to tell) unless or until you want to. Your needs are most important (in the event of a diagnosis), not any obligations to others.

Take your time and look out for you. Wishing you the best.

Artista928

My fam doesn't know except my bro. They would all go over the top anxiety and become Dr Phils and Dr Ozs. No thanks. Bro is the only normal one. Only if I became stage IV AND time is ticking would I fill them in. You don't have to tell anyone. That's up to you whether it would help you. I don't see how it would help them.

lakegirl22

So the Dr. called me today and confirmed what I already knew, I have breast cancer. Just going to keep this short cuz its been a long day and I have to work tomorrow. It is positive for progesterone and estrogen which makes sense since I've been using hormone cream for 10 years Also positive for Her2. That is all I know so far. They have got me in with the oncologist this Wednesday & my MRI is scheduled for Thursday morning. Breast surgeon on May 4. Finally told my Mom & Dad which went WAY better then I ever expected and is a huge relief to have that over with! I am taking one day at a time and will take whatever comes my way. My glass is always half full and I continue to feel blessed no matter what. Give thanks in all circumstances is what we are supposed to do so I will My daughter said why do these things have to happen. I told her because if we never had obstacles or things to overcome we would not become strong and wise and learn from them. Something good always comes from something bad I have always believed that. God is in control and I am going to get through this with His help & the support of my family friends and all of you.

jsn1904

You're not the only one! I am not worried about myself at all..more so about telling my family. My dad has cancer and I know it will be particularly hard on him..sending you positive vibes and prayers x

dtad

Hi everyone.Telling my adult children was the most difficult part for me too. We all want our kids to be happy and don't ant to be responsible for any unhappiness. However as difficult as it is we all adjust to the new normal with time. Good luck to all...