Too scared to function....

MTwoman

Keep up the good work Sabrina! I'm hoping you get good news today. We're here waiting with you. ((hugs))

PhoebeLee

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for a while, but I do remember how nice it was to receive support when I needed it in my 2015/16 breast cancer journey. My stats should still be below; despite needing two lumpectomies before my mastectomy I always considered myself pretty lucky overall, although I still suffer with health anxiety that has (until now) been greatly improved by my change of diet (no sugar and no carbs for 5 months now). I should add that just 7 months after my mastectomy my appendix burst and I needed an emergency open appendectomy with a colon resection due to endometriosis sticking my inside organs together like glue. Before the endometriosis verdict cancer was suspected as a likely culprit. Let's just say I'm no stranger to the idea that anything that doesn't seem right in my body seems to point to possible cancer, triggering these pretty bad bouts of anxiety bordering on depression as I imagine my luck will someday run out, a situation I'm back in now unfortunately.

I recently scheduled a gyno exam because I had some atypical cervical cells in my last pap. It wasn't alarming but they wanted to see me in a year. This time the gyno explained that because of the non HPV status that a pap smear was not needed in my age group, just a pelvic exam, which a new intern performed (rather awkwardly/suddenly I might add). There was bleeding (I've been post menopausal for almost two years and taking tamoxifen for 1-1/3 years) during the exam that made them concerned enough to do the pap afterall. I got the results on the phone, good news delivered first (cervix is ok), sandwiched in with the "I don't want you to worry" news- some glandular cells in (I'm presuming the blood) look unusual, which warrants now a endo biopsy, on Tuesday. When I asked about whether she was checking for uterine cancer, she replied "yes".

I feel like I'm just bracing for the next battle with this series of health issues all lined up/packed in within two years time, and sometimes I wonder if I'm up for another one. I'm angry that tamoxifen comes with the increased risk of uterine cancer (I recall a former onco saying nonchalantly " Well, if you do get uterine cancer, at least that is another primary cancer and usually easily treated with a hysterectomy". Apparently this is lightyears better than getting a secondary or metastasized breast cancer? These are our choices Anyway, I will have to wait two weeks total for a verdict if my life will be turned upside down yet again. I'm in the middle of changing oncologists as my old one was spending all of two minutes with me in the fastest physical exams known to man, forgetting my bloodwork, not giving me the time I deserve. I will now drive 2 hours to see a better oncologist if I need one.

Sorry so long, I'm just so sad, can't help but think my luck is running out. Wondering if my strength is running out, too thinking things like where I want my ashes to be spread. I'm taking ativan which only helps a little. My imagination is my worst enemy.

Any support/input is much appreciated. I'm just so tired of this roller coaster.

---faithhopelove---

You sound so much like me. My level of anxiety went over the top the first time I was just even called back in for more pictures during a mammography. I just want to say that Effexor was the best thing I ever did. Give it a try, anxiety is so debilitating. Blessings to you!