Having a baby after mastectomy

rozalynh

I'm looking for anyone who has given birth after they had mastectomies and couldnt breastfeed. I had double mastectomies a couple years ago and recently got pregnant through IVF. I'm feeling really sad about not being able to breastfeed and dreading having people talk to me about it once I have the baby. Any advice on how to make this easier?

MinusTwo

Roz - what a miracle that you got pregnant. Congratulations. I don't have an answer to your question, but I'm inclined to keep my medical history private. Can you just say something like, 'no, it didn't work'. Plenty of women don't succeed at breast feeding so it wouldn't be wildly unexpected. And not a lie either.

LM070917

Hey Roz, congratulations that's amazing! Unfortunately I can't help you either, but it's something I hope for down the line. Can I ask if you were ER/PR+ and how long you waited after dx? I imagine there will be a lot of ladies in the same boat and someone will chip in soon

ravzari

In all honestly, it's none of anyone but yours and your pediatrician's business how you choose to or need to feed your baby.

Formula exists for many reasons, including babies who are allergic to their mother's breast milk (that happened to my husband's daughter and to 2 out of 3 of her kids), women who have problems breast feeding due to discomfort, not producing enough milk, women who are on medications that would be passed through breast milk to their baby (and it would be unsafe + they can't stop taking the medication), their baby having difficulty latching or feeding that way, etc...or women who simply find it easier to feed formula, and it's nobody's business but yours how you choose to feed your baby as long as they're getting adequate nutrition.

If you don't want to disclose that you can't breast feed because you had to have a mastectomy, you're under no obligation to do so as, well, it's still none of their nosy business.

There's nothing at all wrong with telling someone that it's not any of their business if they ask why you're not breastfeeding or if you plan to breastfeed if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable discussing it with them. You can just leave the answer to, "Do you plan to breastfeed?" at "No" and move on in the conversation and if they ask why, simply state that it's your personal choice and you're not comfortable/don't care to go into detail about it.

Jezikah

Hi Rozalynh - I understand the sadness you're feeling with not being able to breastfeed and dread about questions. I also had a double mastectomy and hope to have more children, so I have mourned the fact that I won't be able to breastfeed any future children. I breastfed my daughter and very much enjoyed it along with practicing attachment parenting and being part of a La Leche League group. I understand the judging that can happen with people in these groups. However, like others have mentioned there are many reasons why women can't, or choose not to, breastfeed. It's up to you to decide how much or little you want to share. Those closest to you will obviously know the reason and for others, it's really none of their business. You can say it's a medical issue that prevents you from breastfeeding, but really, you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone. If anyone asks you a question or makes a comment that is out of line or makes you uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with commenting on how rude they're being, tell them it made you uncomfortable, or say something like "I don't think how I feed my baby is any of your concern".

Also, if you're interested in the closeness/attachment/'kangaroo care' aspect of breastfeeding, I encourage you to research other options like 'supplemental nursing systems' and also skin-to-skin care - look into babywearing with a carrier or wrap as another way to bond with baby. You might want to explore the option of donor breast milk or making your own formula as a meaningful way to contribute to your baby's nutrition. But honestly, researching and buying the formula you feel is best for your baby, is just as meaningful. It's OK to feel sad, but we all just do our best for our children and that is more than enough.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I wish you an easy birth and much happiness with your new baby!

rozalynh

Thanks everyone. Lottemarine- I was triple negative, so I was advised to wait two years after treatment. So, I waited exactly that long, and then used the frozen embryos that we had made right before I did chemo. We had three embryos, and only one survived the thaw and implantation, so its basically a miracle. I had trouble with unexplained infertility before I had cancer, so I figured Id better just go with IVF since I dont have that much of a window left to get pregnant. I have a lot to be thankful for so Im going to try to ignore my breastfeeding woes.

Ive read about some of the SNS and strap on bottles but I dont know which one to get.