the anxiety of waiting

ladylindael

Hi alI

I just needed to write this somewhere. LOL So my story is.. I had a doctor appointment, just for a normal check up and to get some blood tests. I hadn't been to a doctor in a LONG time and figured I should make sure I am healthy. Before I decided to do this, i had found a small lump in my breast, it was a like a bb size. I figured since it was small it wasn't nothing to worry about, which was a bad decision, because breast cancer runs in my family. My mom had it and my great great aunt had it. So three months later, i still hadn't had it checked. So I decided at my doctor appointment I would mention it.

And just to mention something i was feeling, but wasn't sure what it was. The last couple months, maybe even more I had started feeling very fatigued. And I am normally a pretty active person. So I started self diagnosing it.. dehydration,. not eating well, anemic.

So anyways I went to my doctor appointment, I mentioned my lump, so he did a breast exam. and said he did feel it in there and that I should get a mammogram.

So i went and got a mammogram and an ultrasound. First mammogram I had ever got. And they found a 5 cm mass! 2 inches! not the bb I thought it was. and less then 24 hours later, my doctor called. He said he set me up for an urgent biopsy, because I have a high chance of it being malignant. HIGH CHANCE. That scared the hell out of me. So I got off the phone and cried.

The next day I had a appointment for a paps. So I had that done, and all my blood work came in. Everything was great. Not anemic.

But the words he used scares me to death. He didn't come out and say I had cancer, but something like this. "They did find something." and "at least you found it in time." But with out saying the c word. What does that sound like to you guys? He saying I have it, or maybe? He also said after the biopsy we will discuss on what do do next, that he will be the coordinator for getting me to the surgery,

So now I am waiting for my paperwork to go through. They called it a raff, not sure that's how its spelled. But they said 72 hours, then I could make an appointment, They said today or Tuesday they would call and we could set it up. so I can get a appointment for a biopsy.

So now I am so full of anxiety. waiting. But I myself think I do have it, and thats why I have felt so fatigued the last couple months, and how the doctor acted. But I wont know 100% until that biopsy.

I am so stressed, because i was working full time. My income was the only income coming into the house. I took time off work, because i know either way, cancer or not i will have to get surgery. Plus i am so anxiety ridden I wouldn't be able to function at work. I work as a hotel clerk at a best western. So I took vaction/sick days off, and will work on diability if it turns out to be cancer. I am also scared because my mom had an aggressive cancer. I hope it don't work like that from genetics.

Emily

Moderators

Hi Ladylindael-

Welcome to BCO. We're sorry for the worry you're experiencing, the waiting is truly one of the hardest parts. We hope you're able to get the biopsy scheduled soon, and that the results are benign! Please keep us posted!

The Mods

GinaDexter1982

Hey honey, can I be nosey and ask how old you are? If you are under 35 there is a high chance that it is a cyst or a fibroadenoma, and those grow pretty big. I was diagnosed with one in 2015, found near my ribcage and the dang thing was about an inch and a half big. And if you are under 35, I really wouldn't panic too much about this yet.

It sounds to me that your doctor is just not sure yet and he didn't want to put a word on it before he knew for sure. You will know in three days if it's cancer?

wallan

Hugs to you! Waiting is very difficult - anxiety is experienced when its this difficult. I know this all to well.

Hopefully it turns out benign and you just have a bad scare. But if it does turn out to be something, this site will get you thru.

Let us know...

wallan

Kayla250

it is definitely the waiting that makes this whole process almost unbearable. Sometimes i swear I'm swallowing my heart back into my chest. Like you mentioned the biopsy results have to be back to have a diagnoses confirmed or better yet a diagnosis resulting in a benign condition.

Finding "something" has so many possibilities as there are so many benign breast conditions. Adding "you found it in time" may not have been an appropriate comment at all, at least one that should only be made when followed by exact details. I'm sorry that these words have you in a tailspin. Isn't it crazy that all our questions seem to come after we've left the office or said goodbye n the phone.

Hope you find the answers you need. Take care.

ladylindael

Hi GinaDexter, I'm 44 year old. And I still need to get the Biopsy, once i get that then i will know in 3 days. And hopefully i will be able to make an appointment Tuesday.

Hi Mods - thanks for the welcome and I will for sure keep you posted!

Hi Wallan - I really hope it turns out to be a bad scare.

ladylindael

So I finally have an appointment set for march 10th to get biopsy done. I'm so tired of waiting. But at least now i know when I'm getting it done. I had also got the paper from the place that did my ultrasound and mammogram. They said they couldn't get good results because I have dense breast tissue which makes it a higher chance of cancer.

So now I'm waiting for the 10th to get here and hoping they find nothing bad from it.

Emily

wallan

Hi Emily:

Yeah! An actual appointment date. That is progress.

I am crossing all my fingers and toes for you that it is B9 and just a bad scare.

Hugs to you! I hope you are able to direct your mind to other things while you wait.

Let us know.

wallan

djmammo

Lady

I would be curious to know what the mammo / US report said, and how it was worded

ladylindael

I didn't see what the Mammo/us reports said. I don't have the patient portal set up. I was actually looking into that. But not sure what one to get. I will have to ask my doctor about it.

And also since it taken longer then I first thought, i went back to work. So at least I have that to keep my mind busy.

ladylindael

I had the biopsy done yesterday, so I should get results back Tuesday or Wednesday. The lady who did my Biopsy said it is suspicious. So now the real waiting starts...

Magick1130

i can relate to the anxiety of waiting. I had my biopsy done on Thursday and also should have my results back Tuesday or Wednesday as well. My BI-RAD is 4 and there were 3 groups of pleomorphic microcalcifications. They took a sample of 12, but could not reach all clusters with the steteostatic biopsy and focused on the one with the most. There is also increased density with the groups out microcalcifications. I'm a wreck. The radiologist never explained my results and basically said I'd hear from pathology or my PCP. I called the following day to obtain my report and only know what I do from reading the report. Good luck ladylindael

Moderators

Waiting is the worst! We are all here for you, and routing for all to be benign!!

mc75

Hi all....I'm waiting as well and want to claw my eyes out. Magick1130, I have a similar story to yours. My biopsy was Friday and they said 2-5 business days. I had to call the attending radiologist to get answers after my second round of scans. Then spoke with the surgical oncologist NP prior to my biopsy for more answers (this is protocol at my hospital apparently, kind of freaks you out before you've been dx with cancer to have to speak with the cancer surgeon...). I'm taking Xanax at night to deal with it and sleep. Wish I could take it during the day but I'm not sure my job would appreciate that.

Sending positive vibes to you all. Thanks for sharing your stories and for listening.

ladylindael

Hi everyone. Well the waiting is over. I got my results today. I have invasive ductal carcinoma. I am still in shock. I cant belive this is relly happening.

Freya244117

I am so sorry that you are joining us. Hugs. It does take a while to take in a cancer dx. Once you have a plan in place and know what is happening, it does get easier. Hard to believe but it is true. If you are having trouble sleeping, ask your doctor for something to help. There is a lot of good information on this site, and threads for IDC to ask questions. Try and stay away from googling, lots of outdated and just wrong information out there.

Do you have your next appointment set up?

HomeMom

ladylindael - So sorry you had the news you didn't want. This site is a great place to get answers and advice so I would suggest reading through all the topics and add the best one's for you to your favorites. My surgeon gave the names of women in town who had already gone through treatment etc so I could reach out to them to vent. It was very helpful.

You waited 2 months, I waited 2.5 YEARS. Lucky for me it was a low grade, but I could have cut out a lot of grief if I had gone for that mammogram even though my doc thought it was cysts.

This is the hard part believe it or not. Once you get a plan in action there is a sense of relief. You don't know at this point if it made it to your nodes, if is not there you have a good chance of having an easier road to recovery. I had very up beat doctors who acted like this is just a bump in the road and I'll be fine. There is always the chance of recurrence, but read up on what foods to eat, make time for exercise and just enjoy your life.

I wish you the best and easiest road to recovery, we are all here for you!

Icietla

I am so sorry, ladylindael. It is a terrible blow.

Once the start of your treatment is planned and and getting underway, you will feel less helpless, much better. Soon things will feel more like under control.

Here we are all a Community of Brothers and Sisters who will support you through your breast cancer experience. In the IDC Form section you will find many similarly situated persons.

Your first treatment step will depend on your tumor characteristics -- how/where it is situated, and also its IHC characteristics, which will be detailed in your Pathology Report. In case your meeting with the Surgeon is to review and choose from among your surgery options, start thinking about your preference of surgery type, in case it will be among those appropriate for your case.

When the start of your treatment is planned, you can start using your nervous tension constructively, to make preparations that will make your treatment and recovery easier for you -- so you will be able to take it much easier when you will need to take it much easier.

(((Hugs)))

Beatmon

Dear Ladylindael, I'm so very sorry that you got that bad report. Stay on this website to help you understand what is going on and what the oncologist is talking about. It truly helps.

Best of luck with the upcoming weeks.

wallan

So sorry ladylindael. That is a shock and a blow I am sure.

This site is the best for support, hope, encouragement and information. I am glad you have found it.

We are here for you.

Once the news has really sunk in and a plan is starting to formulate, you will feel more in control and better.

wallan