BRCA1+ and Divorce

Atleerc

About a month ago I found out I tested positive for BRCA1 after learning my sister at 42 has breast cancer and tested positive as well. I have a strong family history of breast and ovarian cancer. My grandma was 32 when she was diagnosed the first time. I am 30. Pretty much every female in my family on both sides has had either breast or ovarian cancer or both

My husband is divorcing me and I feel so alone going through all of this. Trying to process everything and decide what is best for me is so hard when you don't have someone. I have one amazing daughter and have always wanted more kids but now I feel like I there is no way that will ever happen. Three of my aunts have died from ovarian cancer so I feel like I need to take care of everything so that I can be there for my daughter.

How do you cope losing your hopes and dreams and the love of your life all at once? I know I'm doing what's best for me, but that doesn't make it any easier.

cliff

it that's all it takes for him to dump you, he's not worth it. he should support you through all the troubles, not run away.

Moderators

Hi atleerc, and welcome to Breastcancer.org,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through all of this, but we're really glad you found us. You're sure to find our Community a very supportive place with lots of great advice and information.

First, you may be interested in checking out the main Breastcancer.org site's page on What to Do if Your Genetic Test Results Are Positive.

Also, you may want to join in on the Positive Genetic Test Results forum, as well as the Sex & Relationships forum, where you can meet others who may be experiencing what you are.

We hope this helps, and look forward to hearing more from you soon.

(((BIG HUGS)))

--The Mods

Emily2008

I'm so sorry...what a rough place you're in.

I would really encourage you to find a FORCE support group in your area. FORCE is Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered, and it's a group for women who are BRCA 1/2 carriers. The one in my area meets every 2 months or so, and it's a wonderful place to meet other women at different stages of the journey. Last month I met a 33 year old unmarried woman who froze her eggs in order to have an oophorectomy. She said when she finds Mr. Right, she'll use her frozen eggs to try to conceive. So there are options, and there are many women who have walked this road from whom you can get much advice and encouragement. You're only 30, so it's not like you have to have your surgeries right away. Explore freezing your eggs and getting the rest of your personal life straightened out before acting on your BRCA status.

Many hugs! You'll get through this!

Juls4

It's great that you know you have the mutation because that means you can be proactive and do the necessary screening. I have the BRCA 2 mutation (which I found out about after being diagnosed with breast cancer). I finished treatment but I'm still at a high risk of developing a second cancer so I get a mammagram and breast MRI every year and have ultrasounds to check for cysts on my ovaries. Depending on how worried you are, you may want to consider a unilateral or bilateral mastectomy to reduce your risk of develping breast cancer. Maybe your insurance would cover it and/or reconstruction since you have the BRCA mutation? That reduces your breast cancer risk to almost zero. You also could freeze eggs and then have your ovaries removed to reduce your risk of ovarian cancer, but that will mean you go into menopause which could affect your sex drive, cause hot flashes, etc. For the record, you can get pregnant through IVF even if your ovaries are removed and you're in menopause. You have plenty of time to find a NEW love of your life. I would suggest getting out and volunteering or joining any meetup groups near you to meet new people and keep your spirits up. Coping with loss is really tough, and I've found sharing as much as I can with people in my life has been most helpful. That's why I suggest making an effort to make new, meaningful friendships. There's nothing like having someone who you can be totally honest with and who can handle your baggage. It doesn't have to be a husband. I have a great husband, but I have also become really close with several friends since being my cancer diagnosis. When you share your baggage, often other people will share theirs and it becomes mutually beneficial. When you can, try to be thankful for what you still have instead of focusing on what you lost. You have an opportunity to be really supportive to your sister while she battles cancer, and you can educate your daughter about cancer so that can be proactive about screening when she grows up. Maybe you could consider fostering or adopting a child? Or volunteering with children in some way. Feeling good myself went a long way toward helping me cope.