Partially to vent, Questions, Am I doing alright?

Anonymous

Partially to vent, Questions, Am I doing alright?

LifeinInk

I read a lot over this site in what to expect, what to do, and even just some insperation and I guess I am just looking to see if I am doing what I can and that I am doing right by my mother rather then become a hinderence.

I can remember near my finals when I kept getting news streams about breast cancer. This was odd as for months it had been about politics with little breathing room. It reminded me of an appointment my mother had and asking about it she said she wanted to wait till after my finals but she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Nothing much else was known yet but it still came as a shock.

We were not the type to think of this could never happen to our family. We just hoped when it was time to draw cards we got the pass and moved on. Unfortunately, that never seems to work in our favor and often when things seem brightest we must be knocked down a peg again. Yes, I know that's not how it works but with nothing to blame it's hard to vent or fight. My mom is my stone, it runs in the family even my grandma of like 80 would go bail hay by herself if no one was around by hand. After a divorce and moving across country back to her home state things were starting to feel ok at the very least.

In the coming weeks, we learned it was Triple Negative Breast Cancer and had no indication of the hereditary genes like the BA something. Still learning a lot of new words and names as time goes by. I worry about am I doing enough. I feel worthless already still being at home while attending college even wanting to back out to focus on her though that was shut down quick. I won't lie and say I am an average person as I have my own issues and problems but it was mom who helped me out of them. Even right now am sick with what the locals call a six-week flue……… So being a walking virus I tend to quarantine myself just in hopes she will not catch anything with a suppress immune system.

She has made it past her first treatment and goes in tomorrow for her second of a mix of Carboplatin and Taxol. Her first round had minimal to no side effects so is this normal? I have read things on it hitting the third day or the third treatment but so far there was no change in what is normal. I have kept track of memory, made food and keeping up on fresh fruits and vegetables that are not handled by many to be cautious. Read up on some tease and foods that help with nausea as well. Luckily it seemed what she ate on an average is about the same thing that is asked of on treatments. Even having the vitamins beforehand as well.

I know the most mood changer will be her hair as she already has said so and feels vain about it. Though many, doctors included go no you're not vain for that. She even could care less about a double mastectomy that is to come after chemo to remove a node and the mass on her right I believe, saying I am not entertaining any man so whose it for?

Already I noticed a difference in my thinking on dealing with a professor that was so adamant about ordering from the school library that I showed a set of books, that are the same, but refused to acknowledged or answer my question with just sending the same overpriced link. On top of that requiring the latest new Office because they are not all the same in the first place or plenty of free options. I didn't think of it in terms of actual money but in hey this is so much extra that I can pay for gas for at least two chemo treatments as we live far away. This already set a tone of anger without any real reason.

I was asked not to tell any around this town about what has been going on, least till the signs start showing themselves as she really does not wish to deal with people or church groups. She saw enough of that with her own mother when she was sick and she disliked it or the awkward words or just unknown of what to say. Even know those that know my family often the first question is "What about you?" That tears at me so deep that the first thing should be how is your mom. What about me? I plan on taking care of my mother as she beats this. It makes me feel worthless that people have to worry about me before the actual person having to go through this………I know I am far from perfect but for now I keep strong but having no one to talk to seems to boil up till you unload it all and are met with stares of being crazy and I am not sure they are wrong to be honest.

I still am very in the dark about things as no one seems to tell us the odds or what will happen. I have heard a few say it was a good catch after it stayed the same for years only to start rapidly growing in the last few months. Her scans also show it has not metastasized in any other area. All of them seem to be good news but I hear my mom at times talk about if it does what's the point of fighting it or why go through hell only to keep doing so. Or the I am already old so what does this really mean for a life after this. She is in her 60'sWhat do I say to this? Or help her through it. I know it says if go through 5 years the chance of this kind returning starts to drop significant and while harder to fight many have a much longer span before remission is even considered.

MinusTwo

Life - of course it's OK to vent here. BCO is a safe place for that. You need to take your lead from your Mother. Let her know you will be there whenever she wants you, but don't force her to talk about it if she doesn't want to. I hated losing my hair, but I got a good wig. I didn't want ANYONE who lives around me to know, so I wore my wig. I didn't want people calling to ask how I was feeling (crappy, gee thanks for reminding me...) or bringing me food (that I couldn't eat). If your Mom chooses to keep it private, respect that wish. My grown son came to drive me to surgery & stayed a couple of days when I got out of the hospital. Other that that I drove myself to every chemo, and to radiation every day after surgery. She will tell you what she's comfortable sharing.

I wish her the best of luck with treatment.