How can I help? Care packages, etc?

kboo27

Hello,

I have a close friend who was recently diagnosed. This friend is also expecting a baby. Chemotherapy treatments will begin soon.

I am serving as the contact person, sharing information with our friends on her condition, treatment, etc. People have been asking for many ways to help and I am struggling to figure out what is best? She is following a strict diet as part of her treatment and she has asked that people not prepare and deliver meals. I am trying to figure out other ways to help. I am thinking of telling people that ways they can help include:

-Restaurant and local grocery store gift cards

-Items for a care package (would LOVE some ideas that have been successful for others)

-Snail mail, texts, emails, etc. with positive, supportive messages

What am I not thinking of? What are good ideas for a care package? Have never gone through this before and would so appreciate others' wisdom.

Thank you,

Kristen

Moderators

Hi kboo27,

Welcome to the BCO community!

We're really sorry to hear about your friends diagnosis and we hope she receives the best treatment. This is a really interesting topic that you've started here so we hope other members chime in soon with their recommendations and suggestions.

You can also check out the thread below created by members:

Tips and Shopping list for getting through Chemo

Sending you and your friend our best wishes,

The Moderators.

Wildplaces

It must be overwhelming to be expecting a child and be faced with dealing with cancer.

1. Pe patient - your friend will need Your help and it include food over the next months so remain receptive as to what would be welcomed - I have just finished my 8 cycles of dose dense - she is not quite there yet ..
2. I needed help with - childcare, food shopping, house cleaning, driving to doctors appointment, a good friend lending ear where I could really let loose if I choose to, choosing a little Chemo kit ( scarves ( wrapunzel have a good selection and they wrap creatively), medications - Losec, dexamethasone, loratidine, Movichol, bio theme mouthwash, a simple not perfumed cream, vit d , loose clothes for the chemo sessions, a diary, green tea...I am bad at asking, but mercifully my friends paid no attention and just did their best - At what point I got it ?? I learned to smile and say say you...and then the day was better, warmer.
3. You are not intruding - you are dealing with a very independent woman faced with having a child and seating through chemotherapy - she will be strong, and beautiful and independent but will also needbe surrounded by happy people - those truly happy to help😊

Finally - don't fear either her diagnosis or how your friend's grief will be expressed, and it will be there.

Fear is the weapon cancer uses to rob us of our lives together.

The belief that we are all so much more then a bunch of crazy cells is what I hold on.

ElaineTherese

Hi!

I had a friend who organized a site for me via "Lots-a-Helping Hands." I would let her know specific needs; she would post them; and people would sign up to provide them.

For example, I needed people to pick my daughter up after softball practice and basketball games. On Wednesdays, my husband taught an evening class, so people signed up to bring dinner for me and the kids.

It would help if your friend could be as specific as possible. During chemo, my taste buds got fried and I found that only a few things tasted good to me. In the end, I was just requesting Subway turkey subs for our Wednesday dinners.

Thank you for thinking of helping your friend out. My husband hates to accept help from others, but I knew that I needed help. I couldn't have gone through treatment without the help of others.

Best wishes to you and your friend!

Icietla

Hi Kristen. Welcome to BCO. We are very sorry about the circumstances that have brought you here, but we are glad you have found us, and we are glad your friend has such a kind, caring circle of friends who want to help her through this very trying time.

First, something very important -- Do not express concern and then drop out of her life! Keep up regular contact and expression and show of concern. Be the friend/s you always were, and be understanding if she seems preoccupied. She is going through an exceedingly difficult time. She is severely burdened and challenged and she will be much more so with the rigors of treatment and caring for her baby. Her disposition may be different. Doubtless she will be preoccupied with her health and baby concerns for a very long time to come. If she never had cancer before, she will never be the same as before. The effects of cancer and cancer treatments on our bodies and our psyches are lasting effects. Knowing that others care very much about her will do her good, will be a comfort.

Sometimes she will want/need another's ear, figuratively speaking. Give her your ear then, and give her a shoulder too if she needs it, all those times. Listen to her. No judgment. No unsolicited advice, especially relating to health or medical stuff -- Never any of that!

Without knowing more about her, there are not many specific goods suggestions I can make. Think like -- what would she surely want, like, need, use. And think like -- she has so much bearing on her, and I am (or we are) helpless to relieve her of all that, and helpless to relieve her of the worst of it, but I (or we) can share our time and efforts to do things to help her so she will not have the additional worries about having to do those things too for herself -- so her energy can be conserved for focus on what she must do.

Local grocery store gift cards would be great, yes. Restaurant cards, maybe not. Maybe ask her in about six months or so. She may want never to eat restaurant food again. She may have particular dietary concerns for the rest of her life, and she may have medical advice for even more dietary restrictions during her treatment. [Explanations here would be too lengthy.] How about a Shopping List notepad she could use to specify wanted particular grocery items, and (healthy) friends could regularly get and deliver her groceries to her home? She will be immuno-compromised through and for some time after all her Chemotherapy, so her exposures to others (of questionable health status) and even small crowds should be as limited as is practicable.

Maybe a few lightweight, easy care, personal-sized blankets -- like the spun polyester fleece type -- to have handy in case they would make her more comfortable in the Chemotherapy Clinic or anywhere else. Do you know her favorite color/s?

Gift baskets/packages of any products to be put on the body -- I mean anything to be applied to hair, skin, nails -- such as soaps, lotions, powders, scents, any of that stuff -- might not be good. Best that she selects that type stuff for herself if she wants it. She may have health concerns about some ingredients, maybe even about some product packaging materials, understand.

If she does not have one, a Berkey water purification system -- one having stainless steel (not plastic) vessels -- and even better with the optional stainless steel (not plastic) spigot and the optional stainless steel stand.-- would make a wonderful, very thoughtful gift she would most likely use daily and treasure for the rest of her life. Take a look down this page linked here__ http://www.berkeyfilters.com/berkey-answers/performance/filtration-specifications/ Then take a look over the rest of the website. If you wonder whether she would want and use such a system, ask her.

From about two weeks after her first Chemotherapy treatment, she will likely want some headcovering to keep her head warm and to protect her scalp from sunshine exposure. What type/s headcovering, if any, does she contemplate? Wig? Scarves? Turban style caps? Other style caps? In what region does she live? -- not to be nosy, but to have some general idea of her climate. If scarves would be her choice, the cotton, rayon, and silk scarves should not be coarse/scratchy. Big square ones folded (once) into triangles, with the folded edge placed along the natural hairline (or above the brow) and the triangle ends (side corners) tied closely at the nape, make for good scalp coverage, and they can help protect the scalp from (any scratchy material) hat/s worn over. There are some simple ways to help keep even fairly slick/slippery weave scarves in place on one's head. A typical cotton bandana, folded into a triangle and put on (tied closely) under and its front (folded) edge folded back over the front (folded) edge of a scarf woven of smoother material, will help keep in place the smoother weave scarf worn over it. Goody hair accessories brand produces some slip-resistant elastic hairbands with silicone nubs on both the inner and outer sides -- wearing one of those under a a closely-tied-on scarf can help keep one's scarf in place. The knit cotton turban style caps are soft, but they can be too warm in warm weather conditions. Pashminas (for cooler weather) and typical woven rayon or cotton dupattas/big rectangular multipurpose shawls (for warmer weather) are some other stylish headcovering options.

Has she a freezer? -- I mean, besides a typical (smallish) freezer compartment in a refrigerator-freezer? Her having a freezer would be a huge help -- to have already prepared food suitable for her diet for all those times she will be unable to do the work of food preparation. There will be more of those times when she is overwhelmed with the demands of infant care. For now, before Chemotherapy starts and before the baby arrives, might a (healthy) friend or two offer to help her with the work of her food preparation for her special needs diet? Perhaps make a day (or large part of a day) of it, being there for her, helping her to achieve something she really needs done, getting her (suitable to her needs) foods prepared as she wishes and getting them packed and frozen for her to have ready meals for so many times she will need them? Perhaps give her that type help as regularly as she needs it? She will most likely have fairly predictable cycles of feeling worse and then better between her treatments, but because of cumulative effects, each successive treatment will likely affect her more and for longer than the one before. There will be stretches of time when she will need all the rest and quiet she can get.

Might a (healthy) friend or friends do periods of infant care to enable her to have appreciably long resting times sometimes?

What about dependable transportation to and from her medical appointments and procedures, and infant care during those times?

Has she both a clothes washer and dryer in her dwelling?

Has she any household pets or plants? Pets and plants need regular care. If friends could help her out that way, that is one more way they might make her life easier -- maybe even a lot easier, depending on how she is feeling.

Has she other household members who would help about the household work, taking out trash for collection, stuff like that? Used disposable diapers must be taken out and away often -- they can spontaneously combust.

A good supply of disposable diapers -- starting with both the newborn size and the next size up -- enough always to be well-supplied for the next few weeks from any given point in time -- would be great. Some large multipacks of (undecorated) rolls of paper towels would be great. They will be needed and used.

Paper greeting cards are great. They can be arranged upright where one will see them often and thereby be reminded of others' caring. See, even the time and thoughtfulness in personally selecting and sending a card matters. A gift of one's time is priceless because each person's time is irreplaceable.

Moderators

Bumping this topic for more tips and advice from our wonderful members!

ShetlandPony

I would have liked to have had a black silk eye mask and really comfortable ear buds, for infusion room napping to calming music.

I really did get a boost from cards, flowers, texts, and emails.

Transportation for my kid to usual activities was extremely helpful.

Like your friend, I wanted to follow a very healthy diet and had certain foods I wanted to avoid or include. One friend had a brilliant idea. She gave me an anti-cancer cookbook and asked me to mark which recipes I would like her to make. That was awesome.