Looking for encouragement please!!!

Cinderzhere

Hi I've recently been diagnosed with stage IIIa breast cancer. Just had a lumpectomy and had 26 lymph node's removed which six of them came back positive for cancer. My doctors have set me up to start chemotherapy in a month and after that radiation and then hormone treatment after. I am frightened I am scared of what's in my future,I'm scared of "what if it comes back"things like that. I'm constantly weeping and crying. Please share your stories of survival so that I may have some hope. my husband recently read some encouraging stories of survival and it helped me a bit but I think I need more!! I don't like feeling like I'm crazy. I also am dealing with posttraumatic stress because this past summer I was taking care of my mother-in-law who I love very much for four months and died here at my home on August 26 of metastatic breast cancer in her bones and liver. I was with her at the cancer center and it every doctor appointment and every radiation treatment. I was there for her every waking moment until the day that she passed away. I didn't even have time to finish grieving over her cause within a month My husband found a lump in my breast. This whole past year has thrown my life in a downward spiral I feel. Also for years ago I was beside my good friend who had died from metastatic breast cancer is for 17 days. These two situations were horrifying for me and that's why I feel like there's no way I'll survive this. Please help me if you can I need to hear and read your stories

Thank You

Cindy age 59

---

weesa

Cindy, you have posted in the right place, and we all understand where you are right now because we have been there. Please peruse the Stage 3 forums--especially the 5, 10 and 15 year survivors forums that are posted at the very top. You will find a lot of encouragement here.

Just keep reading and reading and reading here.

Check out our diagnoses--you will find many of us are similar to yours--myself included.

SSInUK

cindy - what a very tough hand you've been dealt. I'm touched by the huge kindness you've obviously shown to others in this predicament. Now I hope you will feel the same love and support in turn. As Weesa says - many many women make it from where you're standing. There are many such stories on these boards. You are in the worst time right now but you will adapt and it will ease. There's lots to take in and a bumpy treatment ride coming. But you're going to be OK - I really believe that.

Lafish

Hi Cindy, just want to let you know that everything in front of you is doable, once you get going with treatment it becomes just a little easier to deal with. My thoughts are with you, take one day at a time.

LAF

sugarplum

Cindy, I so remember being where you are - and that was almost 11 years ago for me. I wish I had found these boards during that time, as none of the women I met in my daily life had the scary statistics I did. Two things have helped me the most: connections with an increasing number of compassionate survivors, and the passage of time. You can't do anything about the latter, but by joining this forum you have already begun connecting!

Hang on for the ride 'til you come out the other side....Julie

PoseyGirl

Hi Cindy,

I'm not much ahead of you in terms of diagnosis and treatment. I was diagnosed in June with IIIA, ER+, PR+ (low), Her 2 +. I have had chemo, surgery, and now just started radiation. The reason I found your post was because I was feeling like I was becoming a puddle tonight. I - like you - have done a lot of weeping and crying. It was much more frequent in the beginning, but I still melt down. Right now I do appreciate so much what others are saying here...that it will get better with time, that it's so hard when we're in it, etc. And connecting with some women who have walked our paths in person has been helpful too (and of course, reading on here). Even though I haven't met anyone here, I feel a deep connection for obvious reasons. So I'm hugging you virtually and saying that you can do this. That's what people told me.

nye1980

Hi, Cindy. I also have a similar diagnosis, as you can see from my signature. I remember clearly the day after my mastectomy, when we new I had at least one positive node. I thought I was going to die then and there. It's been more than six months since and I've finished chemotherapy and radiation, and today I am going back for my follow-up scans. I am terrified! But I also read the stories of long-term third stage survivors and I know all the treatment is so much better these days. I'm right there with you, lady. And since you've been through what you've been through with your MIL, it's all going to feel so much harder, I know. But remember that your story is YOUR story. Not hers. No matter how close she was to you. This is YOUR journey.

Moderators

Cindy-

We're all here with you. You've come to the right place for support!

The Mods

Cinderzhere

I'm so thankful to have come to this site..it has really calmed me down and givin me hope when I had none.

Cinderzhere

Thank you each one of you for sharing your journeys. It has meant everything in the world to me!!!!that I will survive this and knowing that others have went through the same thing..I'm still frightened but I feel stronger having you all to turn to every day!!!

Cindy

lkc

hi Cindy, so sorry you are joining us. I too had a huge loss pre my dx, my mom passed away from met BC. I was then dxed with a stage III BC, this despite vigilant monitoring and my training as an oncology nurse.

Needless t o say I was dum founded. I had every bad prognosticator in the book.

That was almost 12 years ago, and I am blessedly well. It is a rough journey, but somehow we get through it.

My advice is surround yourself with only positive people, take exemplary care of yourself during tx, get your self a great medical team you trust explicitly, keep faith that yo will be ok, come to theses forums to get support and accurate info, donT Google, lots of outdated stuff out there!

Take one day at a time.

You'll be ok.

sbelizabeth

Hi, Cindy. Our stats are remarkably similar. When I woke up from my lumpectomy I was horrified to find out the sentinel node was malignant, and even more shattered to learn a few days later that 28 nodes were removed and 6 had breast cancer cells.

That was In November 2011, more than five years ago. I'm doing great. I had DIEP reconstruction, where skin and fat are moved from the abdomen to the chest to become warm, squishy "breasts," and just a few days ago I had 3-D tattoos to replace my nipples.

The phase you're in right now is just terrifying, and I remember feeling like I was going to cry forever. I was so scared. What will treatment be like? Will I tolerate it or be miserably sick? What will I look like when this is over? Will it come back?

For you, right now, the fear and sadness is like a 500-pound elephant that's charging around your living room, breaking lamps, flattening chairs, pooping on the rug. "Cancer Radio" plays in your head 24-7. It's exhausting. But...treatment will be over before you know it. The elephant will shrink down to a little mouse that sits quietly in the corner and you'll hardly notice it or think much about it. You'll always need to be vigilant about new pain that should be checked out, but pretty soon breast cancer will be in your rear-view mirror. A long way back there.

Like lkc said...you'll be OK. Gentle hugs coming your way.

Spookiesmom

Please don't hesitate to ask a doc for anxiety meds, or something to help you sleep if it gets that bad for you.

I'm starting my 5th year out. I still have my port, my "keep away" charm. I see my MO a few times a year. But as was said, the elephant is now a tiny mouse. I barely think about it now.

This is the worst time now, it really does get better😊

yogamama

There are many of us still here, years later. I know, I come back here often and search for stories of hope and survival. I am never disappointed. I look at my young children and know, I will be here for them a bit longer. Yes. It does happen.

dutchiris

I'm still here. I work full time and am enjoying spending time with my first grandchild.

lisa137

Still here, also.

I was where you are though; pretty sure I was going to die. And soon.

Avoid drama like the plague. Spend as much time as possible with people who make you laugh, who make you feel good. Keep the faith, definitely--most of us actually do make it!

And if you just can't shake the fear, the tears, etc., talk to your doctor--whichever doctor you feel most comfortable with--about meds for anxiety and/or depression. I had to, and it made all the difference for me.

Three years ago I was bald and doing chemo. Now I'm planning my third-year-in-a-row trip to Disney World, dealing with a houseful of three dogs and two cats plus my beloved husband, just dyed my hair to a most ridiculous shade of red never intended by nature a few nights ago, and despite the fact that I do have aches and pains and issues that I didn't have before cancer, I am quite happy and content with my life. You will get there too. Do whatever is necessary for you, to get you there, but you will get there.

Westthebest

Hi Cindy,

I had Stage 111B 5 years ago. Now it came back, but I am trying to draw strength from how I handled it last time as I start chemo soon. Last time I tried everything in the book-and it really helped! I am the one also always offering help. It was hard for me to accept help from others, but once I let my guard down some, it got better. I went to a local support group at the hospital (i was never a support groupie before). Met some nice ladies. Also saw a counselor-try a couple until you get the right fit. The outdoors is your friend. Even in crummy weather, walk walk walk-or whatever you like. Friends came and walked with me in the beginning when I didn't feel as well. If you have a pet, enjoy them more! I need to be busy-distractions help. Friends will ask what they can do-tell them text you, call you, or if you call them, distract/talk with you. If you don't work/occupation-do something volunteer....there are plenty of things you can do from home. Be determined you can do this. You will actually surprise yourself. When you have a good day, you will feel like a million bucks, and it will recharge you for a tougher day. You have support from tons of women out there cheering for you! Best to you.

Westthebest

orlandpark65

I'm so sorry that is tough stuff. I have been cancer free for 6 years 3 months. It will get better. I wish I knew about his when I was DX. I felt like I was the only one with stage III dx and a lot of nodes. Just remember your breast cancer is different than your mother in laws and friend. I don't come back too much on bc.org but I promised I would post my anniversaries. My life is great. I'm actually having more fun than ever and don't worry about the small stuff. You will find peace in your life again and you will always worry about the "what if" but it subsides a lot as you move along. God Bless you and feel free to reach out to me if needed.

dimetriamajor1

Hi Cindy my name is Demetria major and I just recently found out I have stage 3 breast cancer and lymph nodes as well. first and foremost I want to say I'm sorry for your loss and just like you I'm also scared; it seemed like everything just came at one time; seemed like the whole world was just swirling around and I'm standing there watching it go around me. I'm a prayerful woman I'm a deaconess of a Church. I have a support network of many people also a large family as well and I think that family is key, my church family is key for me, Jesus first on top of the list, my church family they are supportive.

I'm afraid to do chemotherapy on April 28th 2017 already had a left last breast mastectomy and 11 lymph nodes they check was cancerous, I'm happy. I stay prayed up I have to stay prayed up because that is the key for me if not prepared I don't know where I'll be at right now and I think God all the time cause it was found. December 2016 it was a stage 3 and is 4 centimeters big and it was in the front of my breast so definitely the mammogram and a breast ultrasound said it was everything came back normal and it was not. Cindy I'm here to tell you I thank God that I'm still here it is some reason why you still here it's a reason why you here for the fight I'm a Survivor I'm in recovery right now I'm not claiming no more cancer in my body I don't care what anybody say. I'm recovering and that's what you should be doing now to be in the recovery mode don't think negative cuz your mind is going to start rolling around negative thinking so think positive thank you

Castigame

Hi Cindy,

My name is Mimi. First of all , I am sorry for your loss.

Because my mom had ovarian and breast cancer, I have been concerned enough myself to get diagnostic mammos as ealry as in my early early 30s. All done at a same very reputable place. I was going to postpone the most recent mammo by about 3 wks because holiday season and all. Something or somebody told me no. Got BIRAD5 which means highly suspicious of malignancy. I could not stop crying whereever I was. Official DX on 01/11/17 which also happened to be my 47th birthday. Bilateral w stage 1 and 3A. I found out bilateral DX is not common at all. Me and My DH cried uncontrollably for about three wks. We kept asking each other " who hit me and just left" 1 BMX w no recon done. On the morning of BMX, I told my surgeon "This is the day, Doc" I am done w 3 out of AC+T chemo with neulasta shots every time. Radiations and ovary removal surgery to follow. So far SEs have been tolerable enough. I take tylenol, claritin, low dose anti depressants but no steroid or any anti nausea meds at home. Honestly, the initial.shock of the breast cancer bomb going off has been the only significant issue. Even the financial impact of the bomb has been minimal.

I would like to tell you about the church service we attended. I was wearing antiviral mask which crimped my style. Throughout the entire service, I kept asking " Why did you decide my time is not up? What did I do right in your eyes?" I felt no fear about my mortality which was dominant at the time of DX.

You are beautiful person inside and out. So there is absolutely no doubt your maker will leave you alone. It could or maybe be quite taxing physically at times. Ask anyone for help.