Something Really Bothers Me

stephilosphy00

I actually have the lump there for over 2 years before it was diagnosed last month. I really blame myself for not taking it serious. Luckily the PET/CT scan showed it hasn't spread to anywhere yet. But 2 years is such a long time, I'm still very worrying the possibility that the cancer has sneaked to to other organs.

HolaSandy

I'm so sorry you find yourself here, and I certainly know how you're feeling. I too feel like I should have considered the worst and rushed to get it checked when I first found the lump. A part of me will always kick myself for not doing just that. But I had no reason to think it was anything other than a cyst. I was 32, no history in my family of any cancers and relatively healthy otherwise. It completely came out of nowhere. I apologized to my family over and over for being diagnosed. Somewhere along the way through treatment I had to figure out how to forgive myself for not paying closer attention.

It looks like we had a similar diagnosis, and I'm so glad that the PET results were good for you. Although the paranoia of it spreading makes life difficult, it should get better and not consume your every thought. If you find that the thoughts are too much, don't hesitate to talk to your dr or a counsellor about your anxieties.

The truth is that this is a truly scary and overwhelming thing to be dealing with, but you will find wonderful support here. I hope you find a way to push those thoughts out of your mind so that you can get some peace. I did yoga, walked, read, watched funny shows on tv, and played with my 2 year old. All good, positive distractions.

I also came across a saying that helped me to refocus at times: don't look back, you're not going that way.

There is no point in looking back at what you could or "should" have done. That part of your life is in the past. But you can make healthy changes now and do everything you can to fight this.

Sending you best wishes and best possible outcome. Take care.

KBeee

If we had crystal balls, we'd know what to get checked right away. We don't when you feel healthy, it's hard to imagine there being cancer there. Forgive yourself. You are just a busy person who assumed all was fine. Lots of people do that and everything is fine. Look forward. Not back. We all live and learn

wallycat

There's absolutely no way to know if it was there for 2 years or 5 years or last week. I am sure my cancer was there for over 5 years but I had no lump so no one rushed to deal with it. KBeee is right, we move forward since you cannot unchange what has already happened. Best to you.

Anonymous

I truly believe spread and metastasis have to do much more with tumor biology than with "catching it early." I found my lump, got medical attention promptly and was still diagnosed initially Stage lll with extensive node involvement and Stage IV two years later. I think it's a good sign that you had the lump for two years and only have one positive node. Your tumor pathology probably isn't that aggressive then. In fact, recent studies areshowing that aggressive cancer cells can seed mets before a primary tumor can be felt or even seen on imaging, thus making this "early detection" stuff pretty much a myth.

Hopeful82014

In addition to all the sage responses above, I will add that I think many younger women absorb the message that breast cancer doesn't happen to women in their 20s or 30s. In fact, the latest guidelines on mammograms suggest that mammograms aren't really necessary even for women in their 40s, except as decided on an individual basis.

While each woman will respond differently to finding a lump or other anomaly, I can understand that a younger woman might be less likely to be extremely concerned about it. Many doctors, too, tend to brush off such concerns in younger women, which certainly doesn't help.

Kicking oneself doesn't help. Having cancer is tough enough without any extra regrets added in.