Embryo related advice

Anonymous

Embryo related advice

Lolis197138

Hi Ladies,

Long story short, Dx with stage 3 ER/PR+ bc after first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Managed to have 6 day 5 embryos through IVF before chemo and before we found out I was ER/PR+. My sister was going to be my surrogate but that fell thru due to health concerns. I don't have any other options of surrogacy and hubby doesn't want me to get pregnant as MO said in front of hubby that she wouldn't tell me to be pregnant if I was her wife so MO not on board and hubby is cared sh*tless to lose me to cancer.

I have a dilemma, I don't want to destroy my embroys as I would feel like I killed them and I am thinking about donating them to other couples at least the embroys might have a chance. I feel responsible for bringing them "in this life".....and now I am faced with deciding their faith. I can keep them frozen till I die and outline in the will what to do with the embryos.

Am I being a horrible person by wanting to donate my embryos?!?

Suz-Q

You're not a horrible person for wanting to give your embryos a chance at life. You are faced with a very, very tough decision. Maybe talking with a counselor or therapist would help your decision process. It would be life changing for couples to received such a special gift

Lolis197138

Thank you Suz-Q. I appreciate your comment. I feel like the counselor will want to make sure I am Ok will whatever decision I make and I want to make sure I making the right decision by the embryos. I feel like I have to duty/responsibility to do the right thing since I couldn't use them to bring them to life myself.

I know this is a personal choice but I want to make sure this is the "right" decision and not just guided my my feelings (it's more for my peace... got many demons to battle).

Thanks.

Lola

ruthbru

You are not being horrible at all. You are being very brave & very unselfish.

Beehive23

I just want to throw it out there but I have read many many articles that pregnancy has no effect on cancer coming back. I have even read an article that women who had a baby after treatment actually had less of a chance of it coming back. If you do your two years on Tamoxofin and do IVF with no additional hormones, I don't see what is wrong with it. Although adoption is always an option and I can understand as my husband would be the same way. I think it's an honorable thing to donate your eggs to a couple who may not be able to afford IVF or has an issue they they are unstable to have their own. Whatever your decision, your a great person

JFL

You are not a bad person!!! You are very considerate to want to help other people and give the embryos a chance for life. Think of how many people who cannot have kids would love such an opportunity to inherit an embryo. I admire you. It is a very personal choice and everyone's perspective may be different. Do what you feel in your heart and head is the right thing for you to do.

I have two frozen embryos which I will most likely not use because I am now stage 4. I haven't thought about what to do with them. In theory, I would want to help others as there are so many out there that want kids but can't have them. However, in reality, I know I would have a hard time knowing I have biological children out there. I would want to track them down and raise them myself. I just don't think I could let it go and it would be a major hot mess for all involved. I wish I could let it go because I would love to help someone who experiences the devastation about not being able to have their own kids if that is what they want.

As far as IVF and cancer risk, I did all the research for many, many years and talked through it with my doctors. I heard the same info that there was no difference or possibly a benefit to having a child after BC, but that IVF increased the risk of recurrence by 1 or 2%. I was comfortable with that risk, as were my doctors. I ended up being one of those 1-2% (after completing the full 5 years of tamoxifen and 8 years NED). However, I know others who stopped after a few years of tamoxifen and did IVF with no issue. I am the exception and not the majority. For some reason, the pregnancy hormones (estrogen as well as growth hormones) either triggered the cancer, or, perhaps I already had slow-growing, undetectable mets and these hormones caused them to accelerate with a vengeance. I started to feel symptoms within weeks of my IVF but was clueless and thought I was having the most painful pregnancy in the world and never suspected cancer.