Decision

patti4511

I am at a point where I don't know what to do with treatment anymore.i started as her2- now I am her2i was on taxol perjeta.so and herceptain for about a year til it stopped working then I just was on a trial for 2 months which showed that was not working either so now tomorrow I go back to my Dr to see what the next step is this is such an emotional roller coaster don't want to be sick on whatever he is going to put me on my husband thinks I should take a break and stay off everything or just not take anything anymore and just live my life my 21 year old son basically told me the same thing he said all these meds that are poison is not good for your body either he believes the drugs will kill you more then the cancer itself just don't know what to do I know it is a personal decision but if I except no more treatment I will always wonder what if has anyone ever felt the same way

Patti

blainejennifer

Patti,

I can't quite make out your history. Have you been Stage 4 since 2001? Wow. No wonder you are getting tired of the ups and downs.

As much as your husband and son love you, they aren't medical professionals. Yes, anti-cancer drugs are full of fun side effects, but when they work, they buy us time. Have you had a frank talk with your doctor about what you can expect?

No matter what others say, you are in charge of your body and you can do with it as you deem best. I agree with you, in that if I discontinued treatment, I would always be wondering if I had done all I could do. As I hate doubts, I'll probably be angling for chemo till my last moment. I'm not saying that's the best path, mind you, just the one most like me.

How are you feeling right now? Would some anti-anxiety medication be a good thing? Are you in pain?

Where is the dang magic wand when you need it, right?

Hugs,

Jennifer

PattyPeppermint

only you can make those choices. Dh and son just don't understand. But my dh and ds have told me the same. I will keep trying until my life isn't worth living. I don't think I'll ever do IV chemo again but who knows. If I can't feed myself and wipe my butt then I quit. At least that's how I feel today. My emotions flip flop all the time.

LuAnnH

Your husband and son love you and it sounds like they are saying they understand if you don't want to continue with tx.  As for what to do, that is a decision only you can make.  Ask yourself if you are ready to give up on life?  Are you ready to say goodbye to your husband and son?  Can you tolerate any more chemo?  What options are still available to you?  Do you want a 2nd opinion before you quit tx?  Does your onc feel you only have hospice left as a choice?  These are just some of the things to think about.  I have seen people that have quit tx and it broke my heart, I so wanted them to fight more but they were ready.  They had enough of the rollercoaster, enough of feeling ill, not being able to participate in life, they just say no reason to continue.  They knew it was their time and they passed away peacefully with grace and dignity in a way they wished to.

It really is not something any of us can answer but maybe with ideas thrown your way it can help you come to grips with what you really want,  Good luck and God Bless you

scuttlers

Wow, I don't know if I am reading this correctly, but I would be devastated if DH told me to stay off everything and not take anything anymore. He has been my constant cheerleader though 7+ years. "You can do one more day" "just another hour honey" "you can do this". "I am here, let me help".

Yes, there were horrid times. All in all so far - 18+ months total of HARD chemos. Not all in a row, reoccurrence was twice. And radiation. And of course the orals - arimedex, Tykerb, Xeloda, Letrozole, etc. and five major surgeries. And a clinical trial and Herceptin infusions EVERY three weeks for 7 years and 10 months.

BUT we have made it to now. Which is almost four years of no evidence of disease. Yes, there was a toll to pay. I move slow. I sleep a lot. I have aches and pains and head aches. I feel old, and thanks to the treatments, I am getting older! I laugh, cry, enjoy, love, and live life to the fullest I can. I could NOT have done that without support from family, and I hope that is not where you are right now.

I did take this past summer off everything except the Herceptin. It was a fantastic summer. Back on, nose to the grindstone as they say.

My daughter told me way back in the beginning - why don't you just die already? Ugh, couldn't believe I had actually raised someone so self centered and without empathy. Another story, another time. Not pertinent.

What is, is that THIS is your decision. Itis easier with support, and I hope I am reading wrong. Personally, I like living, even with the side effects.

pwilmarth

The only answer I have for you is: Do you enjoy living? Most of us continue because we still get some joy out of life. But many women do reach a point where they are exhausted and no longer get pleasure from life. And they decide to stop treatment. That is very much a personal decision.

As far as your son's opinion about the drugs "poisoning" you, the answer is yes, some of the drugs have side effects that are not tolerable, but many of the newer treatments are designed to target only the cancer cells. In every discussion that oncologists have about these drugs they talk about the toxicity of the drugs they are using. The balance is always in favor of safety and administering the drugs with the idea that a drug is stopped if you don't tolerate it.

pajim

Patti, here are my 2 cents. It could be that your husband and son are looking at you and feel that you are suffering. I have found that this disease is harder on my husband than me because he has to stand by and watch . Or possibly they are trying to give you their permission to stop treatment should you wish to. Many women continue simply because their family members want them to.

If you're still happy with your life you should continue treatment. If you're not happy you need to have a discussion with your doctor. Maybe there are other treatments that will allow you feel better even if they won't make you live longer. Something -- as pwilmarth says -- with acceptable [to you] side-effects.

Have you thought about what you want the end of your life to look like? The fact that you're asking this question [likely] means you aren't ready to stop. Some women are never ready. My cousin had intrathecal chemo two weeks before she died. No reason to feel guilty about continuing or about stopping.

sharethehope

I love your reply. Thanks for posting. I think I will be rereading often. April

DivineMrsM

Do your husband and son think they know more than you? It is your body and your life. If it were me, I would make my own decisions regarding if I did or did not want to continue treatment, even if it went against my loved ones wishes. I would ask my loved ones to support my choices.

You may need to do some deep down soul searching and ask what is it that YOU really want. Not want your husband thinks. Not what your son thinks. You have the right to make up your own mind and not have others make up your mind for you. Put yourself first. Yep, its okay to do that.