This is so hard.

nineteen93

This is something I want to get off my chest a little bit because its eating me from the inside. Let me start with my family. I have 2 siblings, we were raised by a single mom. My mom has been a very strong woman as far as I can remember. She would put us first before anything else, unfortunately that includes herself.

Last August she was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC ER+/PR+) already at stage IV with mets in the lungs and spinal cord which caused a Malignant Spinal Cord Compression (MSCC). Being in a middle class family and raising 3 children all by herself, she told us that she knew alone that there was a lump in her breast far before the diagnosis, yet she focused on her work and did her best to keep us in school. She also did not want us to worry, like any other mother. It was when the MSCC took place and made her legs unusable, that we were able to find out that she was suffering alone with this deadly disease.

First thing the oncologist did was to conduct radiation therapy on her spinal cord which resulted to her ability to move her toes a little bit.. It was like a miracle for us! After showing the effects of radation therapy they temporarily stopped it and started with the chemotherapy. She is currently undergoing 2nd cycle of chemotherapy.. In which it was showing good result.

Searching the internet for possible treatments for MSCC, I have read some terrifying articles/study like how the people with MSCC has a very low survival rate with only 20% of the patients lives more than a year. It seems to me that the website i was reading it from was legitimate. (I guess its really bad for someone experiencing this to search in the internet for answer.) This is where my heart sunk and almost lost all hope. I know i need to be strong and optimistic for my mom, but as many of you know, it is so hard to keep it that way. I love my mother so much.. I want to keep being positive but sometimes, given all the factors, i cant help thinking that my mom wont last until Christmas or New Year.. I can't even imagine a Christmas without my Mom.. Right now, even when she is bedridden and suffering, she is still smiling and trying to be happy as much as possible to keep us from worrying.. Still, i can see how it weakens my mom and how she endures the pain. It breaks my heart seeing her like this.

I apologize for my english it is not my native language. I also apologize for the way i wrote this, it seems to me that there is something in the way i wrote this is wrong but i cant really put my finger on what it is. Thank you for taking time reading this.

Meadow

Nineteen93, Your English is excellent, do not worry. I am so very sorry to hear your wonderful mother has cancer. Please give her a warm hug from me, and I am holding her up in prayer.

Bubblegum1286

Your post was perfect. Your love for your mom clearly shines through. My mom is sick too, and I'm so terribly sorry that you are in a similar boat. My heart is aching at the thought of possibly losing my mom, and I'm finding it very difficult to sleep at night. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. Hugs to you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.