38 and Diagnosed Yesterday

KristenSp

I'm 38 and was diagnosed yesterday with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Treatment will most likely be a lumpectomy with radiation and maybe chemo or a mastectomy with chemo. The chemo portion depends on tumor marker tests which are not back yet and if it has or has not moved to my lymph nodes. My lymph nodes looked good on ultrasound but they will biopsy them during surgery to make sure.

I have 4 kids, 11,8,5 and 3 and have not told them yet. I plan to wait until I have all the info and a better idea of what type of treatment I will have.

Edel0224

I have been following your thread and wanted to reach out and send you love and prayers. I know this time must be very difficult. God bless

meg2016

Hi- I just wanted to say welcome, though sorry you have to join us. I was 39 at diagnosis and have 2 kids. I did the same, waited to tell the kids until I had more information. Although I am pretty sure my 11-year old already knew something was up. This part is hard- waiting for results and a treatment plan and can be scary. For me it got easier once I knew the plan for moving forward. You should find lots of support here! You may want to ask where you are being seen if they have a social worker. Where I go they were able to provide a lot of resources for talking to my kids (and even a care bag for each of them with age-appropriate material, etc.)

JBeans

Good luck. I was diagnosed a few weeks after I turned 39 and have two little kids. It was hard but it got easier with time.

I wish you all the best.

SSInUK

Sending all best wishes. As a friend who'd been through it said to me - kids are both the comfort and the thing that gets you through - and the greatest point of emotional difficulty. They break your heart - but they are so in the moment and the day to day it pulls you through. You are a mum. You are the strongest and best. You do miracles. Youcan do this. Blessings to all of you.

Logang

Welcome. Sorry you are in this situation. I was diagnosed right after turning 39. I have 2 boys and they are older than your kids. I told mine a few days before my biopsy because their dad and I had to leave home early that day. My husband is usually already at work when they get up and I usually don't leave until after the bus picks up. I didn't want to lie to them. You will be surprised what you can get through! Keeping a positive attitude and finding the humor in things goes a long way! Good luck!

LeslieMemsicMD

I am so sorry you have to deal with this problem but you are not alone. I agree that you should not discuss the situation with your kids until you know exactly what you plan is, but they may see you upset. Be prepared to tell them something at this stage - even if it is that you have a sore breast. You are still awaiting some crucial data that will guide recommendations regarding your treatment options but keep in mind that we have mad great strides in the care of breast cancer with less mutilating surgeries, better reconstructive operations, shorter radiation regimens and more effective chemo - including improvements in minimizing the side effects of chemo. We even have "cold caps" which can prevent hair loss. Take some time to get all the facts regarding your tumor and then get at least one second opinion regarding your surgical and chemo/ antihormone pill options. Make sure you know all of you options before committing to a plan. Do not let your fear paralyze you OR rush you into treatment you may not understand or want. Good luck and take care.

MaggieMae123

I just want to say hugs to you and tell you that you will be okay. I know that it is so scary. I was diagnosed last summer and what a long , hard year it's been. I did come out okay on the other side and so will you. Best of luck to you!

Dennyj

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I was diagnosed in August at the age of 39. Like you, I have 4 kids ages 8, 8 ,5, & 3. I think my twins had an idea that something was up only because there were some changes that were not normal (like I was not going to coach their soccer team and some other stuff). I called their pediatrician before I told them because I wanted to make sure I said the right things. I held off telling them for a while only because I did not have the heart to tell them but I finally told them the weekend before my first round of chemo. The older two cried because the news was scary, the younger two were like okay....can we go play?!? I have tried to keep an open line of communication with the kids and I tell them when chemo is coming up so they know what to expect. It has been hard to say "breast cancer" to them and we do not say it often. I have lost my hair and that was hard for the older 2. The younger 2 like to rub my head....

This will not be an easy year for you but you will be ok. You will do everything in your power to do well for your kids because that is what mom's do. There will be days that you are tired and don't want to move off the couch...but you will because kids are very motivating and the mom power will kick in. Hang in there, you got this!

4everStrong

hi to all, another one to this list .. i am triple negative though.. strength to all of us.

Tresjoli2

Kristen I am sorry you find yourself here. I was 40 when I was diagnosed, with a 2 yo and a 7yo.

You are wise to wait to tell your kids. I waited until I knew exactly what was happening a day could really prepare them.

The American Cancer Society has a lot of information for you on how to tell your kids in an age appropriate way.

Hugs,

Pamela

etnasgrl

((((Hugs)))) Welcome! This is such a wonderful place full of incredible ladies who have so much knowledge to share and advice to give. I'm so sorry that you find yourself here, but am glad that you found us. These boards were such a sanity saver for me when I was first diagnosed and all throughout my treatments.
I was 41 when diagnosed and had an 11 year old son. I never did tell him. As a matter of fact, no one in my family knows, save for my husband. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do....but I will admit that it was very lonely and still is sometimes.

Please come here often. I learned SO much from the ladies here. I actually learned more here than I ever did from my oncologists. Not to mention the support was crucial.
I know this is a scary time and you feel overwhelmed.....but please trust me when I say that you are SO much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you will get through this.

jamiesam26

I am not a mother, but I am 26 and I was just formally diagnosed in the past couple days. I am also very scared and I do not know where to turn. I wish you luck, and will be praying for you! I hope that you get through this, from beginning to end, very strong

Moderators

Jamiesam26-

We're so sorry you find yourself here. Being diagnosed is never easy, but it can be especially hard at such a young age. The first days and weeks can be confusing and difficult, but just know that you are not alone. Also, if you haven't done so already, you may want to check out our Young w/ BC forum, lots of great info and other members to connect with there: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/27.

The Mods

Hopfull2

Hi. I am sorry you have to go through this. It's so scary especially having children wondering where this journey gonna leave us. I too was diagnosed couple months ago right before turning 37. I am about to start my chemo treatments and have 2children 13&2. So I know where your coming from. The begging is the hardest not knowing what stage your at or what treatment you will be doing. Hang in there