How to help mom after surgery

Lynn5479

hello, my mom just got diagnosed this Monday. Luckily we saw a wonderful surgeon this week and surgery is scheduled for next week already. We are very blessed we caught it early, she was given stage 1 grade 1 at this point and is getting a lumpectomy with SNB to be followed by radiation & hormone pills.

My dad will be there to help in the evenings after work, but I'm wondering what I can do to help her recover and how long recovery takes? I'm sure we'll get groceries and make meals before so food wise we should be good. She has books/tv to keep her occupied. She lives close so I'll visit as much as possible with my 3 year old who is the absolute joy of her life, but other than just 'being there' and cleaning, cooking etc. not else what else I can do for her? She's pretty stubborn and hates to accept help, but I'll do myself best

Kicks

LISTEN TO HER! Wbat she actually says - not what you want to hear, tbink, or what someone else says!

Don't try to take over and try to make her feel like she is incapable of doing what she feels SHE wants/needs to do. Not what makes you feel good or what others tell you that she 'needs'. Don't take over but keep eyes open when at her house and discretely do little things - never make her feel that she CAN'T . She needs to do whatever she wants to and not be told that she can't.

Be there for her and listen to her.

I was 63 when DXd, Hubby and Son got together and came up with their plan. Basically it was that they would not try to make me an 'invalid' but encourage me to do any and everything I wanted to do but to not worry about doing anything I wasn't up to - they would handle it. IF I wasn't up to handling (or didn't feel like) the house, meals, dogs and my bunny, then I didn't - Hubby did. If I didn't feel up to doing horse/barn chores - Son did them. Point is - they knew the more I did, the better, but also that I knew they were always there as my backup just in case and they always made sure what needed to be done was done. (Through neoadjuvant chemo, UMX, adjuvant chemo, rads)

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER! She will let you know what she wants/needs if you but listen to her.

tatatootsie62

Lynn5479, I am so glad that I came across your post. I was just diagnosed with ILC; I will be having

a bilateral mastectomy on Nov 1st; my cancer was ER+, Pr+ but HER2- which I am told is good. I too

will have an abundance of help and support after my surgery with meals, prayers, visitation, etc. Just

be there for your Mom; if she needs anything she will tell you hopefully, but she sounds a lot like me....

too independant for her own good! Listen to her and do not make her feel inferior and like she has no

say in anything. Recovery from a lumpectomy is relatively short, however you do not want to overdo it

either. Light tasks are ok...she will be able to no doubt bathe herself although some assistance would

not be a bad idea. You really have to play it by ear....DO NOT LET HER LIFT ANYTHING HEAVY! If you

are in doubt, it may not be a bad idea to talk to her surgeon because he will ultimately determine her

activity level following surgery and a lumpectomy is far less invasive as you know a mastectomy and

thus restrictions will be different. Stay positive, let her adore her 3 year old grandchild....that may be

the best medicine in itself. I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers and hopes for a speedy

recovery. Visit the "Lumpectomy Lounge" on this website; the gals there are much like your mom and

have certainly helped me through, what I felt was an impossible time.

ElaineTherese

I had a lumpectomy; recovery wasn't too bad. Heck, I went back to work the next day (for a half day). I will say, though, that my range of motion in my arm was affected for awhile. But, as soon as I was cleared to do so, I did the stretching exercises recommended by my surgeon, and I recovered from that as well. One thing you might be able to do is to put her favorite dishes, pots, pans, mugs, etc., in places where she can reach them without lifting her arm above her shoulder. I also needed help with my drain, but your Mom is unlikely to get a drain because she's only having the sentinel node removed (I had all twenty of my Levels 1 and 2 lymph nodes removed). In general, though, everyone needs to rest a bit more after a surgery. I was still a bit overtired until about six weeks after surgery.

I see that your Mom will be getting radiation, too. That can also lead to fatigue. Anything that helps your Mom get some extra rest would probably be most helpful. Best of luck, and I'm sure your Mom will appreciate all your help!