In Memoriam

Moderators

Thanks All for your opinions. As many have stated, publicly and privately, most of the issues were around being listed on a thread that contained the term "Angel". This is now removed, and is "In Memoriam". This hopefully resolves the first concern.

Second is the opt in and out. Regulating and insisting upon an opt-in is too much for the members, and the mods alike. If you feel strongly that nobody should mention you in the event of your passing, you have that right and ability to opt out. Also for additional privacy, we are saying only usernames and/or first name with first initial of last name may be mentioned. Again, please opt out if you are not comfortable with this solution.

ruthbru

Thanks again, mods.

nihahi

Musical....I am sorry that you feel "unheard or less important" because you feel you may be in a minority scenario. You have long posted your concerns about privacy.

Respectfully, I don't agree with your tying health privacy info (meds, dx, etc) into the same pool as acknowledging the passing of someone here. I have no doubt that very few people would be fine with having their private medical info posted without their consent, but that is appropriately dealt with within each of our "bio's"...we each can choose what to reveal about our bc info there.

But imho.....you are comparing apples to oranges, when you insist that confidential health information is the same as noting the passing of someone, which I have previously stated, always seems to be done by someone in close "connection", and with great respect and dignity. It just is not the same argument.

ruthbru

No one even knows that a BCO has died unless that member, under his/her own volition, has authorized a loved one to either post that fact here, or has authorized a loved one to contact a BCO member to do so. The only other way a member would know of your demise would be if you were personal friends; if you have become close enough to have exchanged information, become Facebook friends, have met up in real life etc. If that is the case, and you do not want to be memorialized here; then it would be wise, along with putting a statement in your bio, to let them know of your wishes.

Anonymous

Thank you Mods for staying focused on this discussion's topic. You have come up with a fitting resolution for a problem that never should have been a problem.

That being said.....before all the nastieness starts up again......

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

This was intended to be a discussion on how best to honour those who have passed on. Any other concerns belong on a thread appropriate to that topic. We all are bound together as sisters and brothers by this damned cancer. We don't have to all agree on the same things. Heck, we don't even have to all always like each other. We do need to treat each other with respect and kindness. Always.

Cancer will kill most of us that post here. BCO is where we come to for support, advice and friendship. BCO is also where we come to mourn our friends when they are no longer with us. BCO is our community, our family.

So can we please stop argueing about dying ? Our time on this earth is short enough......

Anonymous

Who could object to that or even want to regulate such an action?
Those who see the difference between the internet and real life.

nihahi, thankyou for your comment. Apologies if I wasn't clear enough (quite likely) - no I don't (personally) feel that way at all but rather how others treat people who they think are in a minority and then use that to support their position or use it as a device for such. There's always going to be minorities and I'm not going to be concerned if I'm in that category, either in reality or presumed otherwise, but I will stand up to it if it's used as a tool. As to having "long posted" well I can't see the relevance. If you're talking broadly, then in my capacity to help in privacy matters, I've offered my support to those who feel the same. I haven't done this for the sake of being a squeaky wheel. Rather, this issue in particular is sufficiently important to me because I have a strong aversion to forced opt-outs.

If you put meds dx etc into a separate category to passing that is your right, however I don't. I see the association is sufficiently close for me to include it as generally one - just like an orange has segments to make the whole.

I strongly believe in acting with compassion and I'll most often overlook things if a persons intentions are good. Everyone has their lines they draw, if someone crosses it it still needs to be put in perspective and dealt with (hopefully as kindly as possible).

Mods I don't know who thought of it but it was a great move using initials etc. One I never thought of and testament to the fact no one thinks of everything. Many hands make light work. Thankyou for all you do.

I don't see any nastiness so far since the Mods re-opened this but as they said "courteous" discussion . I would hope this thread resolves naturally without force.

nihahi

musical...I was clumsily trying to acknowledge that you have many posts about privacy issues, and that I recognize how important it is to you. I didn't mean it as a negative comment.

I accept that we may differ as to what falls under a medical privacy concern.