Struggling yet trying to be strong

Snowflake67

I was diagnosed in September 12 and had a lumpectomy September 29. The past few weeks have been really really hard on me. I feel alone and confused about my cancer, and treatment. Hoping for for clarification this week. My husband is a narcissist person and has not been very supportive even though he claims he is. My days are not only difficult dealing with the cancer but also my marriage. I also have 2 children in college who turn to mom for everything-and I want to be there for them. But I am struggling too-and I'm a little tired of trying to keep everyone else happy and content with their life. I know I'm mom, I know I'm a wife but for once I need someone to watch over me. Sorry forcomplaining

keepthefaith

snowflake, sorry your found yourself here. Try to focus on things that make you happy. You can still be there for your children. Find a balance between taking good care of yourself FOR your family and taking care of them. You can tell them "no" once in a while, if you don't feel like doing something for them. As moms, too often, we feel guilty, selfish or un-worthy of someone "taking care of us". Ask for the help you may need and be specific. If you think going to a funny movie would make you feel better, ask your kids, your husband or a friend to go. Have your husband go for a walk with you. Have him fix dinner or go to the store. He may just not know what you need. You deserve someone to take care of you. It's not your job to make everyone else happy all of the time. I journaled a lot and I think that helped. It's okay to have a "pity party" once in a while. It's part of the healing process. It's not complaining. Best wishes as you navigate your recovery!

Lily55

I had to reply to this.......you are NOT complaining.  A cáncer diagnosis is TOUGH.  There is an advert on UK TV at the moment that says its the toughest thing most people ever have to face.........

I am 4.5 years out and still feel intensely alone, sadly it seems to go with the territory, people who have never been here just don´t seem to get it.  So in a way you need to adjust to the fact that no one can really share your experience except others who have been there.  But I also have to say that I think I expected people to be proactive and no one actually was and if I was in your place again I would ask for what I need from day one........my ex partner (I left him due to his  lack of support in the year post diagnosis) admits now that he effectively abandoned me but makes the excuse it was becaue he did not know what to do.....my reply was anything is better than nothing.....in my case I did start asking for things but still got nothing and that is why I now prefer to be on my own.

IT is NOT your responsibility to keep everyone else happy, maybe its time to sit down with them all and say you are finding this really hard and could do with some support yourself and here is a list of things that would help you (eg practical things, distractions, a weekly phone call, whatever will help you, and ask them specifically who is up for what). 

Be your own best friend FIRST, you have a lot to deal with

x

tangandchris

Wow...such great advice!! I could stand to use some of it too

This is tough stuff to deal with!! Life goes on around us and we are still trying to deal with cancer in our lives. I agree that you coming here and venting is part of the healing and you should never feel bad about doing that!!

The college aged kids are old enough to understand that you need some extra help, even if that means thinking of you first. You should speak up and say what you need. If you are like me though, sometimes I didn't even know what I needed...in those times I needed someone else to pick up the ball and take care of things.

((hugs)) Take care of yourself, go easy on yourself.

edwards750

I can sure relate to your feelings. I have always been a strong person so I think my husband expected me to be that same person. I kept my game face on so I didn't scare my youngest son. I did share my fears and thoughts with several good friends, one of whom had had BC and is a nurse at St. Jude. She was my salvation.

It is time to put you first. My kids are older too which helps.

I also joined a support group at church. Awesome ladies. It's like a therapy session sometimes. One of our ladies is a radiologist so we pepper her with questions.

One day at a time. This website was my lifeline from the getgo. I've made friends with several ladies. Remember BC doesn't define you.

Diane