Found something that concerns me

Seraphima

I was just diagnosed with BC a few months ago, but possibly had it for years (Paget's easily confused in my case with a benign condition, but I've had an eroded nipple since about 4 years ago). My surgeries were in August. My SNB was clear. First surgery left questionable margins, second was clear.

Tonight I discovered changes in a mole on the skin of my shoulder. I'm pretty sure it's VERY recent. The skin is suddenly raised, it has a scab-like appearance, with a whitish border and slightly irregular shape.

My oncologist wanted me to see a dermatologist to get two other questionable moles removed anyway. But they have been unchanged and I've had them for decades. So far attempts to schedule a dermatologist have not worked - they aren't taking new patients or they don't accept Medicaid (which I'm on temporarily just because of the cancer, my previous plan wouldn't have covered enough for treatment). He actually wanted me to see a number of doctors, and I've gotten most things scheduled, but with surgeries and all, I'm still looking for a primary and a dermatologist.

I don't have a question really. I kind of want someone to tell me this can't be because I just had surgery. Heck, I want someone to tell me this is benign, but I know no one herecan do that. I'm planning to call the oncologist in the morning and let him know. My next appt with him is in almost 2 weeks. I should start rads before then, as far as the plan goes. And I guess I'll do what I can to find a dermatologist that will take me. The one the oncologist recommended isn't accepting new patients.

Maybe I just want to hear a calm perspective in all of this. It's still too new.

wrenn

i get it. The worries after a diagnosis seem to be there for all of us. I hope you can see a dermatologist soon just to ease your fears. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

I take an ativan a couple of times a month to have a day off from the damn worries. Hang in there. Keep us posted

Seraphima

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Thanks, Wren.

I hope cancer doesn't turn me into a hypochondriac. I just started feeling like myself mentally/emotionally a few days ago, and I felt better in my incision finally yesterday. Then last night I found that suddenly raised mole, and also bent WAY over deeply for the first time I guess, and got so dizzy I almost fell. Woke up today kind of dizzy and feeling "not right". It may be in the past I felt slightly dizzy in passing and just brushed it off and have forgotten. Probably a number of times. But NOW everything is kind of scary. And my lymph nodes were clear. So just days after surgery I don't think I should have any really increased worries. But my fear is not listening to logic. I was less afraid when I knew I had breast cancer and was just approaching treatment - or maybe my fear was deflected to the anesthesia.

I've been through a lot of stuff in life, and I'm not used to being made afraid. I don't like this feelng.

wrenn

Seraphima, I attended a retreat with cancer patients and attend meditation and all of the cancer people have the same anxiety. It is a side effect of the disease for many of us. It is good to acknowledge it so you can take steps to minimize it. Meditation helps and so do drugs. Many people find taking an anti anxiety/anti depressant temporarily helps. It is a new world. I think it is hard to go back to the way you were but for sure you can get to a point where the new world is quite pleasant and comfortable. Hoping you find peace.

Seraphima

Well, just hearing that it is normal and common helps. Thank you, Wren.

Sometimes in life we have to adjust to a "new normal". That may be the case. In a sense, I am also thankful. I've lived 50 years in life, and never saw it as quite so precious as I do now. I tend to procrastinate anyway, and I could just as easily procrastinate living as things I wasn't especially looking forward to.

Trying to find the "good things" in this and minimize the bad ones ...

Thanks again.