My best friend has pancreatic cancer....

SanFranKitty

Two days before my exchange surgery one of my oldest dearest friends came over to my house, sat me down and told me she had a very serious form of cancer that started in her pancreas and spread to her liver. She had been feeling fine and still does the only unusual thing was that she had an unusual pain under her ribs.

We met when we were 18 months old and have been best friends ever since. Even though we don't always see each other ( sometimes for a few months) it's always super easy to catch up. We've seen each other through every aspect of life, kindergarden, high school, first boyfriends, I was in her wedding. We both have hippie parents, are geminis, the same height with the same color eyes. We even had chicken pox together when we were 6. We have so much in common. How strange that we should get cancer the same year as one another.we are both 46. But obviously we are dealing with two different things. I had stage zero breast cancer. She is fighting just to have more time with her children.

I guess I just want advice on how to cope emotionally and how to beast be there for her and her family right now. I have told her I am there if she needs me. She did say I could go wig shopping with her which I am happy to do. I have not reached out to her mother or husband yet.

I am crying every morning. She doesn't know that and I don't feel she needs too because she is already going through so much. I thought breast cancer was the worst thing that could happen in my life. But this is far more painful. Honestly I cannot picture life without her.

Sher0402

I have no advice but wanted to reach out and tell you how sorry I am. (((Hugs)))

Beatmon

So very sorry for your friends diagnosis. Just be there for her!

ElaineTherese

I'm sorry to hear about your friend! My uncle has Stage II pancreatic cancer, and no, the survival rates don't look good. Fortunately, they could operate and they were able remove the detectable active cancer. He's going through chemo right now, and he says that more than anything, he's just tired. But, he's set a short-term goal for himself: after chemo (in January), he's going to Hawaii to visit with his oldest son and two of his grandchildren. It gives himself something to look forward to after treatment, and it reminds him why he's fighting.

I went through chemo myself (five months), and I was amazed at the generosity of people I know. One of my friends helped me make a list of concrete things that people could do to help me. Some things were: picking up my daughter from her sports events, buying items for my sons' lunch boxes, coming to chemo with me, meals on Wednesday nights when my husband worked late, and help with my twins who have autism. Maybe you can ask your friend it there are some concrete things that you can help her with. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

Best wishes!

farmerlucy

Consistent, caring, contact is very powerful. Maybe make a note to call or visit on a regular time frame, like every week. Ask open-ended questions like "How has your week been?" Then really listen and help her express herself. So many folks are one and done, but those that hang in there are very, very, appreciated. I can tell already you are a great friend and she is lucky to have you. Be sure to take care or yourself too. Being a caregiver can be quite emotionally draining.

I love Elaine's idea of making a list of needs!

SanFranKitty

Thank you all so much for listening and for the advice. YOu have given me some things to think about