Just diagnosed and waiting, trying not to stress out

ChiSandy

Ah, the Trevi fountain--how'd you manage to find a relatively uncrowded spot? Both times I went (Dec. & July) it was mobbed with millennials wielding selfie sticks. Great gelato down the block, though. Where else in Rome did you go? Anywhere else in Italy? Been only twice (not counting an afternoon each in Ventimiglia & Aosta and a day in Venice on one of those bus tours), but I miss it so!

Linda, when I practiced law I did general practice--most recently estates, probate, real estate, collections, misdemeanor defense & traffic. When I started out in Seattle (over 40 yrs ago!) most of my practice was domestic relations, primarily post-trial support & custody modifications. It was the most emotionally exhausting work I ever did, worse than the criminal law. I keep my law license in order to be in the annual CBA "Bar Show" satirical musical revue (missed only one year since 2002--last year, because I didn't know if I'd need chemo, how long my radiation would be, or how I'd feel. Didn't think it would be fair to give a half-assed performance, so I wrote a sketch instead). I'm also active in AFofM Local 1000 and some volunteer music organizations, so I'm on call to negotiate contract disputes and help with 501c3s. I have to get 30 hrs of CLE every couple of years, and I'm most fascinated by entertainment law--which is how I ended up taking that course in New Orleans. I'm also a performing songwriter, so I combined the trip with a couple of gigs.

Up late because I'm in a suburban hotel room with my husband, who is working this weekend at a couple of hospitals down here. But the air conditioning is noisy, the bed shakes with every little movement, the comforter's too small and my earplugs from an old airline amenity kit are stale (they actually have a shelf life) and won't block out the traffic noise or snoring. (And I had coffee too late in the day). So I'm waiting for the Xanax to kick in.

One year later I am realizing that life is a bit different--not just because of the cancer but because I'm almost 66--but I have gone from thinking of hardly anything but cancer & treatments, then to viewing events in my lifebefore it as having been on the other side of a break in time, and finally now as something that no longer restricts my life nor defines me. I think of it only when taking my letrozole, looking at my medic-alert bracelet, stepping on the scale and wincing at the numbers, attending my monthly support group meetings, and of course communicating with all the wonderful ladies (and a few gentlemen) here on BCO.

Sjacobs146

Positive2strong, I did have terrible thoughts prior to surgery. I hated the idea of being put under anesthesia. As I sat in the hospital waiting for surgery, I had this strong feeling that it was all wrong, and I should not be there. It took all of my strength not to get up and run out of the room. I had asked about not being put completely under, but was told that the under arm area where my tumor was located iis too sensitive. everything turned out fine though

Positive2strong

dear Chi Sandy,

We went almost everywhere in Italy, I have many photos but hate to bore you with them. The photos help with with anxiety, I was at my hairdresser yesterday and while she was shampooing me, I had to stop stand up go outside and I showed her my photos. Thank Goodness she's known me for over 25 years and I haven't told her but she has seen me almost pass out before in her chair when I was so exhausted from work and life. So back to Italy, after Rome, to Amalfi Coast for a wedding, then Sicily. Then back to Rome...we have friends that live in Rome and we stayed at their home in a separate apartment. It was great, we drove our car up to our own place, our own key and could sleep as late as we wanted.

Then headed north to Venice and Milan, then back to Rome to depart. In the past we go to Monte Carlo and up the French Riveia but not this time. Next time my husband says we will arrive at Milan and do that area first before we visit family and friends.

I still had cities I didn't get to, my husband has wonderful family there, they are just amazing. The last time we were there was 14 years ago

Oh the fountain, we are night people and went there at midnight. It worked well also with the heat in the daytime.

So I am dreading today as my surgery is tomorrow, a friend, a model sent me an invitation to a red carpet gala and fashion designer showcase so if she only knew how much I need that distraction.

I know all of you have been through this and I am so happy I have you to talk with about my concerns and life.

I too am 66 hard to believe, however recently my Docs and medical reports remind me ....oh this happens as you get older.

I do have a pre scheduled trip to Providence RI on Oct 26 To visit my husband's USA family. His sister was not thrilled we went to Italy before her brother coming home. So for Halloween we will be with the little kids.

I see my son in Vegas in Novemberand my husband has business in Palm Springs that same weekend so I will see how this all works,

I hope I can find a support group to attend. Last year I quit my full time job, been there 12 years and began consulting. Truthfully, I haven't done much consulting and so I feel I have a lot of time.

Everyone's texts and support are truly getting me through this.keep them coming.

Hope you don't have many sleepless nights

Positive Linda

Positive2strong

thanks Grannie,

Did you have a lumpectomy

I noticed you were stage 1b I am 1A so far don't know the difference. I also am Estrogen + and Prig - her -

I missed a call Friday from the RN that is from surgery unit. My surgery is now around 12:30 It has changed a few times.

I like your commentjust have to let go

My husband is getting better, I just need for him to show he cares. We did talk and he said I don't want it get you upset by being emotional, that he needs to stay strong for me. He is 16 years older than me and I think our life has been worrying about him. So. A big switch now.

Keep the comments coming and thanks again for your support.

I will walk and I will say I walk to live.

I need to start doing things and starting routines for me and my health now. That will be a switch also as I have been fortunate with no issues and then I see now that the past 5 years, I had so much work and so much stress and probably not enjoying much in life. Also worrying about the bad economy and my husbands business.

Stay well and keep me abreast of your fitness

NoUGo-CA

Hi,  I wanted to chime in because I know you're probably extremely anxious about tomorrow.  Many of us were where you are right now and everything went well.  There are so many 'what-ifs' once we're told we have cancer.  The best that we can do is exactly what you've done.  Reach out for support and try to educate yourself about your options as much as possible. . .and then follow through.  Although harder to do then say, focus on the positives - tomorrow after surgery your tumor will be gone!

I'm glad you told your son and that he is being supportive.  You need that right now.  Not sharing can be isolating yourself which is why I'm so happy that you've found us.  Give your DH time.  Cancer is not an individual diagnosis when it comes to those we live with especially if they are our caregivers.  The care-giving goes both ways because this diagnosis affects them dramatically too.  We soldier on and follow our treatment plan.  It's not so obvious knowing what we need for those supporting us.

Take a walk today.  Exercise is never bad and keep moving.  I had 'cording' issues after the removal of sentinel lymph nodes.  Check with your BS if you have pain in your armpit/arm on the side of your lumpectomy.  I was fortunate to have a BS that understood this issue and she Rx'd physical therapy with a therapist that specialized in lymphedema treatment.  The therapy and getting stretching exercises to do at home helped my healing process and made me feel better. 

Hoping you will have a complication free surgery and a quick recovery tomorrow.

Vicki

Tresjoli2

i just wanted to say good luck tomorrow. It will be over before you know it. I will keep you in my prayers.

Love LA...I lived in Manhattan Beach for many years.

Hugs

Pamela

Jennie93

Hi Positive, I can relate for sure, I was very afraid before my surgery. I have a strong family history of bad reactions to drugs, so the anesthesia thing was much scarier than the actual mastectomy! I even updated my will right before surgery (it was many years old, but still). And that was before I found this site, so I had no support at all. My DH did not want to talk about it much either, I think that is normal for men. You need your "sisters" for that, and I hope you know we are all there for you.

Positive2strong

dear Vicki,

Thanks, I have a busy day today as a friend ( gorgeous model) invited my husband and me to a red carpet event tonight.

I am trying to let go and know you all have been thru this

I know logically I can't keep the tumor but those nodes maybe

I need to keep focusing on the future and my plans.

Hearing from all of you that you survived is so helpful.

Keep posting as it does help.

Positive2strong

thanks Pamela

Did you have your surgery in Boston.

I slept last night thank god as Friday I was up all night.

I am filling my Percocet prescription today

The Doc advised I take Vit c and zinc before surgery and arnica.

I am trying but skipped the arnica as I read side effects on it.

Thanks so much for your words and support

Positive2strong

dear Jeannie,

I have no experience with drugs or pills. But I know I need to let go

I have a friend 20 year survivor and she showed me her scars really not so bad

The fear of the unknown but you all are helping greatl

grainne

hi. Yes, i had a lumpectomy. A 1b tumour is slightly bigger than a 1a but mine is slightly complicated because I had a few smaller foca of idc (max .2m) within a 1.3 cm area of dcis, with 1 or 2 tiny satellite areas. I like your "walk to live" slogan! I'll use it to motivate myself on lazy days.

this time tomorrow the tumour will have gone and the op will be over. There are a lot of us following your posts. Be very sure that whatever time tomorrow you are feeling scared or alone, someone here will be thinking about you. We've "got your back" i.e., we are behind you looking out for you. Keep posting x

Positive2strong

I will take a photo of me walking on my path. My husband worries about me walking alone but that fear is not going to stop me now.

I do appreciate you and others wanting to know how I do. You all are helping

grainne

Thinking about you and hoping all went well

Positive2strong

hi Grannie, I have registered and I am waiting. It was good to get your message.

I originally was scheduled on sept 20 at a surgical outpatient unit , then I was moved to St Johns hospital to oct 20 today

It was first at 8 am outpatient surgery unit then to 11:45 then back to 8 and then moved to hospital and back at 11:15 surgery maybe 12:45

I am very tired because I think I just haven't been sleeping well. Last night I did go out until 2 am a friend modeled in a fashion show. That helped keep my mind off this.

All of you that have been thru this help me tremendously

I have my mini Ipad with me and it helps to keep anxiety dow

Positive2strong

Ok Ok I am waiting it is 2:33 .I arrive at 11:00 I took a half pill of Valium , nervous to take a whole pill as I have never taken any pills

I came in with a headache and scratchy throat as it maybe a sinus trip.

I last ate at 11 pm.

My husband is watching the debate recap on TV

I am so thankful I have my Ipad and wifi it is keeping me sane a great distraction for me.

I have a nurse that had a lumpectomy 6 years ago and radiation. She is older and nice. She insisted I take a vallium but I only took half that fear of drugs

Positive2strong

ok saw the anthesogist don't like the idea of a tube in my throat.

Still waiting saw the doctor also

grainne

at this point, just let go. Trust these people to look after you. Tell them you are scared (i did!)or if you are in pain or uncomfortable then just let them get on with their job, which is to take out the cancer and keep you safe. Allow yourself the luxury of just handing over the worry and anxiety for a short time. It will soon be over and it will go just fine.

Positive2strong

it is 7:45 and I made it with one incision thank you all my sisters you are the best

Love you all

ChiSandy

Knew you could do it, Positive! And with only one incision, healing will be so much easier.

Grainne, there seems to be some confusion: a t1b tumor does not mean it is "Stage IB” unless there was at least one positive node. The Roman numeral “I” is the first part of the “Stage” and means it’s smaller than 2 cm. The Arabic numeral “1” reiterates the size. The lower case “b” further means it’s between .5mm and 1 cm. The upper case “B” refers to the second factor in “Stage:” the node status. A " t1b “ tumor with no positive nodes (you gave your node status as 0/3–3 nodes removed, none of them positive) is Stage IA, not IB.

grainne

That is great to hear! Looking forward to hearing more fromyou as you move forward!

chisandy, i didn't appreciate that. In fact, as they measured the tumour at 1.3 it should have been lower case c, which i couldn't find when i tried to put in my diagnosic details.

The nodes were clear but i have been puzled as to why they measured the tumour at 1.3, as it was an area of dcis with 3 or 4 foca of tubular within it. I thought the size of the largest single foci (? ) , which was .2mm, was used to calculate stage. I asked my r.o. about that the last time i saw him. He seemed puzzled himself when i raised it an said all he could think of was that there were 2 tiiny satellite areas of tubular , which was news to me so i was sorry I'd àsked. It didn't make sense anyway. I took the view that it is what it is and my knowing any more about anything that has no treatment implications would make no difference. However, l am curious and would be glad of any info.
By the way, I'm a lawyer too. Since my diagnosis my partner and i have sold our small firm and i am moving as a consultant to the firm that bought us for a year. I worked all my life, including taking 10 weeks maternity leave for each of our three children and one week off for the lumpectomy, continuing to work through rads. Now, i just want finished with it all and to be at home with my husband, We have a sheep and suckler cow farm in a beautiful area and there will be plenty to do but none of the burden of responsibility. What about you? You seem to have an unusually active and varied life?

Positive, sorry for hijacking your thread!

---

Positive2strong

dear Grannie and Chi Sandy,

I love you, your support o much

ChiSandy

Ah, now I get it. The reason you couldn't find “t1c" to put in your official diagnostic profile is that there's nowhere to list the “t" size--BCO lists the tumor size only by approximate measurement. Thus, a 1.3 cm tumor is listed as “1 cm" because it's between 1 and 2 cm. There is no place to enter or tick “t1a," "t1b" or “t1c." You didn't see an option for “c" because the only letters used in a BCO profile are the capital letters used in staging—which can only be I, II, or III and A or B; or IV, (The “t" size designation plus the node status and absence or presence of mets determine Stage). Blame it on the site's software. You & I both had node-negative 1.3cm tumors with no mets—therefore, they would be “t1cN0M0" and therefore Stage IA. (If you wanted to mention that your tumor was t1c, then you could write that in your signature line).

Please forgive me for seeming cranky: my Cubs lost tonight and took 13 innings to do it.

BarredOwl

Sending good vibes to Positive2strong for healing and the best possible pathology results.

Hi grainne:

"The nodes were clear but i have been puzled as to why they measured the tumour at 1.3, as it was an area of dcis with 3 or 4 foca of tubular within it. I thought the size of the largest single foci (? ) , which was .2mm, was used to calculate stage."

Did you mean 0.2 mm or 2.0 mm? I'll address both below.

Considering size only, or the "T" component of the "TNM" staging system of the AJCC:

T1mi, T1a, T1b, and T1c refer to different sizes of "T1" invasive tumors:

T1 Tumor ≤ 20 mm in greatest dimension and includes the following sub-categories:

T1mi Tumor ≤ 1 mm in greatest dimension

T1a Tumor > 1 mm but ≤ 5 mm in greatest dimension

T1b Tumor > 5 mm but ≤ 10 mm in greatest dimension

T1c Tumor > 10 mm but ≤ 20 mm in greatest dimension

(1) If the 1.3 cm measurement refers to the extent of the DCIS, then size-wise, the tumor is not T1c in size, because DCIS is not invasive. Pure DCIS would be "Tis (DCIS)" in terms of "T" designation.

(2)(a) If the largest single invasive focus (of clearly separated invasive foci in accordance with AJCC staging criteria) was 0.2 mm (i.e., less than 1 mm), then the T1 designation would be T1mi.

(2)(b) If the largest single invasive focus (of clearly separated invasive foci in accordance with AJCC staging) was 2.0 mm, then the T1 designation would be T1a (> 1 mm but ≤ 5 mm in greatest dimension).

In either case (T1mi or T1a), if N0 M0, then the person would be Stage IA (T1 N0 M0):

https://cancerstaging.org/references-tools/quickreferences/Documents/BreastMedium.pdf

BarredOwl

grainne

hurrah! I've amended my profile with great delight! I did mean 2mm, Barred Owl, not .2. Thank you both, chisandy and Barred Owl, for your input. I am very grateful. I just can't understand why the tumour is sized as 1.3 cm . I follow you two and Beesie and kbee and a few others round these boards: you always have answers and kindly go to the bother of helping the rest of us out.

Positive, hope you are feeling much better.

Positive2strong

I do feel better...I was lost with all what you were figuring out

So one more time what is the difference between 1 a and 1 b

I am 1 a

BarredOwl

Hi grainne:

My situation was sort of similar to yours on the right: large DCIS, plus several small invasive foci (IDC), with the largest being 1.5 mm.

Hi Postive2strong:

For those with T1-sized tumors (see above re T1), the sole difference between Stage IA and Stage IB is lymph node status:

(a) T1 N0 M0 = Stage IA

where N0 = node-negative;

(b) T1 N1mi M0 = Stage IB

where N1mi = Micrometastases (greater than 0.2 mm and/or more than 200 cells, but none greater than 2.0 mm)

With lumpectomy, lymph node status is typically determined by sentinel node biopsy when invasive disease is known to be present.

BarredOwl

Positive2strong

barred owl

Thanks so many things to learn. I survived surgery, I am so happy. I was so afraid of being put out.

I have one incision and so far little pain. Because it is my right arm, I may have overdone it today as I didn't have any pain. Unusual, I went to bed after surgery at 3am and woke up at 7am. I just think I am happy to be alive. I had so many vision of dying on the table, like Joan Rivers. All the nurses after surgery told me Dr Kristi Funk is the best surgeon. So if anyone is Los Angeles and needsa surgeon, I am thrilled so far with one incision.

I am wondering how much I should worry about my pathology report, my ultrasound showed my nodes negative

grainne

positive, give yourself a little break to enjoy the relief of the op being over before you start worrying about the pathology. Everything you have been told so far is very reassuring. I hope you are feeling well and able to sleep better. Keep us posted.

ChiSandy

Positive, I now understand why you were so afraid of general anesthesia. What happened to Rivers was scary—but not only was it inexcusable, it was unavoidable. She was being 'scoped in an endoscopy suite, not in a hospital OR and not by a competent surgeon, certainly not a renowned one like you had. Her endo was starstruck (I could use a much cruder word beginning with “star-“) and took selfies with her lying on the table, heedless of her vital signs (not even sure if there was an anesthesiologist present, but if there was, perhaps the latter was similarly inattentive). You've waded fully into that icy pool, and that initial shock of diagnosis & surgery is behind you. Pamper yourself (or have your DH—Dear Husband, as we say here if we don't want to name names—do so). You should have your full surgical path results soon, and if that mucinous diagnosis holds up, that and the Grade 1 are very good news. Pure mucinous is one of the slowest-growing invasive breast cancers out there.

By this time next year you will probably have had at least one more European vacation under your belt and be planning another. But please post photos—we are all vicarious travel junkies here!

Positive2strong

thanks everyone for sharing your knowledge with me. it meant everything to me. I am so happy to have the surgery OVER. I don't have a lot of pain, I just don't sleep. I feel like I have a low grade cold or flu.

Did you all take Vitamin C and zinc after surgery. I had my surgery Monday, I thought I might have more energy by now