Mom diagnosed, heartbroken and terrified

melynn44

I don't know where to start, so I guess I will start at the beginning.

About 5 years ago, my Mom had a suspicious cyst on her breast. They performed a biopsy, and they determined it was benign.

My mom has annual mammograms, and everything has been normal until last year, they found the same spot. After a follow up, they claimed it was more than likely scar tissue and nothing to worry about. This year, the spot had grown, and they asked for more tests. First the mammogram, then the ultrasound, then the biopsy. The biopsy came back...cancer. I don't know the specifics. I don't even know if she knows.

She was diagnosed last Thursday. They did take additional ultrasounds which came back clean. They told her it was a 1/2 inch and very treatable. So, I have continued to be optimistic. They scheduled her for an MRI today and consult with a surgeon for this Friday. Would they be so aggressive if it were more contained? I have read of people on here waiting weeks for these kinds of things.

I called Mom and asked how her appointment went, and she responded that it was fine. Well, after work, I went to their home to take the dog out and what not (My mom and dad were still out of town) I saw that the hospital had called maybe 4 hours after the MRI, which immediately caused me to freak out. After all, if it was clear, they could just wait and talk to her about it Friday, right? So, I text my Mom and ask her if the hospital got a hold of her. She sees my text immediately, but doesn't respond. Eventually, she says, "Yes." So, I try to draw out the conversation by saying that I wasn't sure if they would call her cell or not. She says, "They did." And nothing. Now, normally, we operate that No News is Good News (which is why the 4 hour after call about the MRI is upsetting), but the fact that she didn't say, "Nothing has changed." or "It confirmed what we already knew." has me on edge. If it were good news (or as good as possible given the situation), wouldn't she let me know?

ElaineTherese

Hi!

I'm sorry that your Mom has been diagnosed, and that you have to worry so much about her. In my experience, you don't learn that much on the day of an MRI. It takes a day or so for a radiologist to look at the scans and to make any determinations.

I'm assuming that your Mom had a breast MRI. That MRI will be used to confirm the findings of the ultrasound and see if there's anything else that her medical team has to be concerned about. For example, a breast MRI might reveal whether or not any of your Mom's lymph nodes look compromised.

By Friday, your Mom's surgeon should have the radiologist's report, and he can discuss any findings with her at that appointment.

As for the timing of appointments, in the US, appointments can be set up pretty quickly. Doctors may also be more aggressive if they think that the cancer is invasive as opposed to being "in situ." But, I wouldn't read too much into the timing of the appointments.

Best wishes!

mike3121

From the moment my wife was diagnosed everything was "STAT." The Kaiser oncology team went after it full on. At one point they made a mistake as explained below but it was corrected.

My wife's BC history. My wife refuses to use the internet, well except for Amazon and Ebay.

My wife, back in Dec of 2012 was diagnosed with Stage 4 ER+ PR+ HER2-breast cancer. One node and a small spot on the spine. After 3 infusions of AC she was clean except for the 6 cm tumor in her breast. The oncologist said since the cancer was responding well to estrogen blocker (aromasin) it was best to leave it be. Ops forgot to mention in the midst of all this cancer stuff she had to have removed a grapefruit sized and very painful non-cancerous ovarian cyst.

A little over a year later, Nov 2014, the cancer morphed and went crazy. She had a radical mastectomy and breast removal. A biopsy showed it to be ER+ and the oncologist prescribed tamoxifen. 19 lymph nodes were removed and 9 of the 19 had triple negative Metaplastic keratinized squamous carcinoma. A PET scan done after the surgery showed some cancer still in her armpit, probably spill over from the nodes. She has two cancers, one ER+ PR+ HER2- and another triple negative. She went back on A-C (lifetime amount), no Taxol as she almost died from it earlier. Almost died from NeuLasta too. Also 7 weeks of radiation.

After all that she had to have major surgery to remove a tumor from her kidney. Eighty five percent were cancerous but hers was benign. Happy dance, she's NED and back on tamoxifen.

Prayers and fingers crossed.

Moderators

Melynn-

We are so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. We know that this is a scary, uncertain time, and you have (and will continue to have) lots of questions. You got some good advice here from members who've been where your mom is, and there's lots of info here to help you all as you get more information from her doctors. We also encourage you check out our forum for caregivers and family members; coping with a family member's diagnosis can be very difficult, and finding ways to help them while still taking care of yourself during this time is important. You can find that forum here: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/16.

Please let us know if we can be of any assistance, and remember, you and your family are not alone in this!

The Mods

Luckynumber47

Melynn, I'm so sorry your family is going through this. The not-knowing is the hardest part. I had a lot of appointments in a very short period of time so that when I met with my BS she knew everything about my diagnosis and pathology and was ready to recommend surgical options.

For a whole lot of reasons I didn't tell my grown kids anything until after my surgery, so maybe your mom just isn't ready to share everything with you yet.

tgtg

Melynn--Take some deep breaths, and don't read anything into your mom's phone messages or into incomplete information. As others have said, good practitioners need time to do thorough analyses of pathollogy samples and imaging--and your mom's surgeon will have all the information needed by your mom's appointment. Perhaps at that point the surgeon might order more testing--or may be ready to recommend an action plan if s/he has all the data needed. If your are comfortable doing so, you might consider asking your mother if she would like you to accompany her and your father to that Friday appointment, but if she says "No," take that answer to your offer gracefully and let her wait until she is ready to tell you about her situation.

Your mom may just be waiting to say anything to you until her whole file is complete and she herself knows what lies ahead in her future. For example, when I was diagnosed (at 71), my husband and I decided to say nothing to our grown children--then 41 and 37--until my surgery plan was in place (that also meant we could wait until after Christmas and New Year's too). Mothers remain mothers all their lives, which means we tend to protect our children, even the grown ones, from anxiety over the unknown as much as we can! Good luck to all of you as you work through this.

melynn44

This has been a wild couple of weeks. I feel better and worse about everything at the same time.

The news from the MRI is that it showed no other areas. They couldn't confirm anything on the lymph nodes, but all they could see for sure was the one area of concern. Mom coughs a lot, so I dunno if the MRI would have shown something if it was in the lungs, but I had/have significant concern about that.

My immediate thought has always been that if it has to be anything, I'm glad it's breast cancer and not something else. I've known a few people who beat breast cancer and the stats on it are more comforting than other kinds. But, as I've investigated and read this forum, I realized things are much more complicated than I knew. I have read of a lot of people who lost their battle with breast cancer. I've seen how many different factors there are, how many different types, all the complications, different treatments, and more recurrence than I thought. Mom's age (65) concerns me as I'm sure the survival numbers aren't as good the older people get. But, on the flip side, through this forum, I have seen a lot of people who are surviving and thriving, despite what seems like terrible news and bad situations. So, like I said, I feel better and worse.

Will keep everyone posted on the news today.

melynn44

waiting in the waiting room is about to kill me.

ElaineTherese

Ugh, Melynn! I know how you feel. I always bring something with me to do in the waiting room, so my mind doesn't wander so much. Hope the appointment is informative and hopeful!

Keeping hope alive!

Molly50

Hugs, hang in there. You are a good daughter to be there for your mom. My kids have been so good to me.

melynn44

Can anyone speak to how long the initial consultation with your surgeon lasted? I read of one that was like 4 hours. I figured on 15-30 minutes.

If I was a good daughter I would be able to put on a brave face and not disappear into the bathroom to cry every 20 minutes.

Englishmummy

Melynn. You ARE a good daughter. Nothing shameful over crying and being scared for your mum. I am sure she appreciates your attendance at her appointment and understands your fear, and the tears. Blessings and light to you both.

melynn44

well dad came out to the waiting room to take a phone call. He didn't say anything about how the appointment is going. He looked upset and a bit lost. Hopefully he's just overwhelmed with information and I misinterpreted his look. There have been lots of nurses and personnel hanging out outside my moms room which isn't all that comforting.

Hanging in there.

melynn44

I will be posting an update on Mom's situation on the IDC board. Just wanted to let anyone know who may want to hear more.

etnasgrl

((((Hugs)))) My mother had breast cancer so I understand all to well the fear and worry.

You are being an excellent daughter just by being there for her. Hang in there sweetie! It's so hard when something scary like this happens to our parents. Just know that you being there for her helps her so much!

alma1947a

I am 79 years old and from diagnosed to post operative and had cancer with other breast 1982...all I can say. it is very common to be fearful and loads of anxiety is quite normal. I went for total breast removal. Try and talk your dr into keeping you overnite. they like to let everyone out same day. this is major surgery and age has nothing to do with recovery that I can see.

I have copd and...my 02 is a tad low.

All will be fine. I do not what stage mine is yet. Invasive lobular breast cancer.

Cowgirl13

Melynn, even though you and your mom may have communicated a great deal previously this is a much different situation. The diagnosis of breast cancer is terrifying. I was so afraid and did not want to talk to my family. Please understand how she may be feeling and honor how she chooses to process. I'm sure you would agree that her peace of mind is the most important thing right. There will be much more to share in a while. I have been where you are--my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 46. You will find much support here. Prayers being sent your way.

Icietla

Hi alma1947a, and welcome to BCO.