My Mom Has Just Been Diagnosed

lilafowler

Hey there, I'm completely new to this community & I stumbled across it, so I thought I'd share my thoughts since I'm feeling really down at the moment.

My Mom told me yesterday that a few weeks ago she noticed a lump on her breast, and decided to go to the doctor for a mammogram. She just got the results and it came back positive for breast cancer, and she would get more details for her next appointment tomorrow since we don't know much yet. She told me not to worry about it, & that we would get through this together, and that she's not dying. She said she'll just be in the hospital more often & she'll be more tired and sore from possible chemotherapy & radiation treatment, and she said she will be having surgery, & she won't be able to drive for a few weeks after that. She said that she also may lose her hair too from chemotherapy. I've noticed that she seems the same as always, and I can tell she's trying to be more positive but it worries me.

My mom is young & she's only 48, & it's just frustrating that she's got this breast cancer that I feel like has come out of nowhere. She had a mammogram last year that was completely fine. I'm only 16, & I have a 14 & 18 year old sibling, & they seem fine but I feel like I'm taking this really hard. I don't really know what I'm feeling, I guess I've been sad & cried about it in private, & I wish more than anything that this wasn't happening. It doesn't seem real quite honestly, but I'm not mad about it. I trust that God knows what he's doing & I just have to pray that things will get better.

I've told my best friends and they're really supportive, especially one of them who lost her father to cancer, but as much as I try I can't stop worrying. I don't know how fast the cancer has grown, or what stage it is or how big it is, but I keep imagining my mum with no hair, & her suffering progressively getting worse, & eventually her funeral (which I know is silly). I keep thinking about if she will be there for my birthday next month & all this stuff, & it just makes me feel so depressed. I've never dealt with anything like this before & I don't know how to react. Even just thinking about getting myself to school & mum not being there makes me want to break down.And especially at the moment I don't need this; I have a violin exam in 2 weeks & mock exams for school.

What also gets me is what some people have said on these forums; "Oh the survival rates are really high, she'll live for at least 5 years...",I just want my Mom to live for as long as an average person should live for, she's still young. If anyone has any comforting comments on this, please say them.

Thank you for taking the time reading this, I just want to hear people's similar stories and read some responses, so I can surround myself with people who have been through this before. All words will be hugely appreciated, as I really need this right now.

Warrior_Woman

lilafowler - I lost my Mom when I was your age from a different type of cancer and it changes everything in your life. Please know that in a short amount of time your Mom will learn more about here cancer. You'll know how much it has progressed, how aggressive it is and what the treatment recommendations are. The statement you quoted is out of context for most of us. Most of us will live our lives into old age and die of something else...like old age. Breast cancer is scary and there are no guarantees. However, treatments have improved and even for later staged breast cancer patients the quality of life may be good. Without knowing more about your Mom's specific cancer more can not be said. However, for most women, this is a really nasty bump in the road and then we move on. Expect that the next year will be stressful and she will need you to help more than usual. Do not forget to live your life and do all the things a sixteen year old should be doing. I'm guessing it is driver's license time, high school graduation is on its way and there is someone cute you have your eyes on. All of that is important too. Please tell your Mom about this forum. It's been an unbelievable support to all of us. She is really blessed to have you.

TarheelMichelle

lilafowler, you are such an awesome daughter to seek out information about your mom's breast cancer. My son is 18, and he has been right by my side through my cancer journey, since he was 10. I know it's unfair to your whole family that cancer is sticking its ugly foot in the door of your life and won't leave. It will get better. For the first few months, it may seem as though cancer is all that matters. It may be that once all the treatment is over, your home life returns to "normal" but of course cancer affects everyone and it will be a new normal. But my point is, some people go through cancer treatment and get back to living and hardly anything has changed. It's not always a road to despair. Cancer has made me a better person and a better mom, I believe.

You can be a huge support to your mom, just by being you. There may be days when she's simply sick of doctors and treatments. It will do her good to hear about you, your school or your friends. Or there may be days when you long to share something with your mom, and she's too tired. Don't let your feelings be hurt by that. Speaking of hurt feelings, I'm glad you have a friend who has been through a similar situation. You may get frustrated later on when everyone seems to be carrying on with life, having fun, and there is little sympathy for you. Cancer scares people. Even best friends may not know what to say. You may need to help your friends understand where your mind is. You could say, "I'm sorry I don't feel like joining in the conversation. I'm thinking about my mom." Or, when you tell friends about your mom's cancer, you can say that you don't feel like discussing it, or you may want to talk about it, in which case you should say, "I don't mind talking about it." Some friends may not know anything about cancer, and be afraid of saying the wrong thing. In my experience, if you let friends know that it's OK to ask questions, you will have a lot more support, because there is less fear. Information is power.

I know your mom's cancer seems dreadful and you can't help but think of the absolute worst things (funerals and such), but this can really be your moment to shine. Don't let cancer steal one moment of joy from your life. You have the opportunity to inspire others, by continuing to be your beautiful self despite your mother's cancer. That doesn't mean, don't be sad. But let your love for your mother and the strength she gave you define your character. Anyone can smile when things are going great. But to smile and be happy around others when your dearest mother is undergoing cancer treatment? That takes strength, strength you have!

There's a place here for you and your mother. Keep coming back. We'll be looking for you. /hugs