Just Diagnosed July 12th and I don't know how to feel

LadyLex504

Hey you guys!!!! I'm new to the group, and I've read a couple of entries that I can relate to. A little bit about myself, I'm 30 years old, (31 next Tuesday Aug. 2nd woop woop!) married with 2 adorable kiddos, my daughter is 10 and my son is 4. Four years ago, I had a complicated birth with my son, that almost cost us our lives, but by the Grace of God, we're still here and he's just a ball of energy. A year after having my son, my OB/GYN discovered that I had a tumor right below my brain, it was benign, but I had a pretty cool brain surgery that removed the tumor (The surgery was cool because they didn't have to cut open my skull, they just went up my nose). But I say all of that to say that I've had a lot to handle these past four years. Let's fast forward to September 2015, during my self-breast exam (that I do every time I'm in the shower) I noticed a small lump in my left breast. I brought it to my doctor's attention and he felt it, and said fibrocystic breast, very common, and to just keep an eye on it. So I kept an eye on it for months. The lump never went away, I just thought it was a permanent lump in my breast that would hurt from time to time. Well June of 2016, that same lump in my left breast got HUGE! It was burning and I was experiencing chest pains and I couldn't believe that the cyst was hurting so bad. It wasn't the normal hurt. So I went to my mom about it, and she freaked out and told me to get to the doctor's office immediately. Well, of course my doctor could see me until the following week, so I waited in pain. When I finally made it to the doctor's office and I told him what was going on, he felt my lump and immediately said that it needs to be removed. He told me that he still believed it to be fibrocystic breast, but he wanted to send me for an ultrasound. So the following week I went for an ultrasound. The technician kept telling me that it's probably nothing and that I shouldn't be worried because I'm so young. I told the technician that I'm far from worried, I just want to get this cyst out so i can go about my business. So then the technician took the pictures to the radiologist and the doctor came into the room telling me that she's going to order a biopsy and that I shouldn't be worried and that the likelihood of me having cancer is very rare because I'm so young. Cancer never crossed my mind since I found the lump, but here the doctors are trying to console me even though I didn't need to be consoled. So they scheduled the biopsy for the next week, I went in, they took samples, and then sent me for a mammogram. They told me that I would have the results within 3 days. Well, the very next day, my doctor called me and told me that the lump is cancer. Infiltrating ductal carcinoma grade 2. I think I was in a state of shock, because instead of crying on the phone, my first reaction was to laugh and joke and ask him if he was serious. And then he talked for a minute and then I broke down crying. And I've been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since.

I have a great support system. My whole family set up a prayer line where we meet twice a week to lift me up in prayer and it is soooo powerful and so amazing and it does lift me up. I have business partners who literally threw me a "We Beat Cancer's Ass" party the same week that I found out. They had t-shirts made and everything, it was amazing! I have all these people around me and I feel like I should be able to get back to my normal and daily activities, but for some reason, I can't seem to bring myself back to doing it. Nothing is normal. Every time I attempt to do something back to my norm, I breakdown and cry. I read somewhere that I may still be coping, but how long does coping usually last??? And then to make matters worse, my medical insurance expired right before my CT Scans. So I had to fill out another insurance application and it's been in review for almost 2 weeks now. So everything is on hold.

I don't know if I'm making sense to anyone, but I've been strong through everything these past four years, and I'm just tired at this point. I just want to get this over with and be done with the whole breast cancer in the breast deal.

Anyways, sorry this post was so long, I just had to express how I was feeling, and my sister (twin sister) sent me to this group. I have really good days, and then I'm a ball of tears another day. And waiting to see what happens next doesn't help things either. Thanks for reading you guys!!! I know for a fact this cancer will be defeated, and I'm just going through the process.

#LEXTHECONQUEROR

voraciousreader

lex....you are early in the process and there is not now, nor is there ever, a right way to deal with what you are presently going through. Reading what you have been dealing with these last few years has touched me.Your youth and strength is inspiring.

Going forward, you are early on this long journey. Hopefully, once you gather info about your tumor and have a treatment plan in place, the road should not be too daunting. Gather as much info as you can. Register at the NCCN's website and read the breast cancer treatment guidelines. Also, don't despair. Find strength wherever you can. Join a support group and/ or treat yourself gently.

I send you and your beloved family my most sincere thoughts and prayers.

LadyLex504

Thank you soooo much voraciousreader!!! I'm headed to that website now.

chrissyb

Hi LadyLex and welcome to BCO, gload you found the site but rally sorry you needed to in the first place,

Hearing those words "you have breast cancer" elicit many different reactions and yours was pretty normal. It sort of comes out of nowhere and smacks you between the eyes. It takes a little while for it all to sink in and you will feel like you are running here, there and everywhere but once you have your team in place and your treatment lined up things will calm down a little and you will begin to feel like you are doing something constructive.

As Voraciousreader says read up and learn about your cancer and it's possible treatments and have some questions prepared for when you see your doc. This is a marathon and not a sprint so take a deep breath and try to take things one step at a time.

Come to this site when you have questions or just need a few ears........there is always someone here to listen, send cyber ((((((hugs)))))) and answer questions from experience.

Love n hugs. Chrissy

NancyHB

LadyLex - wow, you've been through more in the last four year than most people experience in an entire lifetime. And even after all of this, your attitude is still so positive and radiant, and your strength shines through. Your support system sounds truly powerful - what a blessing! That being said... This is a challenging time, early in the diagnosis process while you're still sorting out treatment options and trying to make plans for the future and "get back to normal." That "normal" is a little disrupted right now, and so there's a "new normal" for the time being. That can be frustrating, but you sound very determined to have a sense of normal on some level, and that determination will help you so much in moving through the next few days, weeks, and months. My suggestion to you is to be patient and gentle with yourself right now, as you navigate this new world of breast cancer. Some of what you're feeling may well be grief - grief for a new diagnosis, another challenge ahead, loss of "normalcy", the need to gear up for another fight. There's no right or wrong way to feel, and as chrissyb points out each of us has different feelings in our shared experience.

There is much information here, and you can connect with others and learn much through our experiences. We're all different, yet there is a common thread that bonds us. I'm sorry you have to be here, but hope you stick around.

Prayers and positive energy for you in the days and weeks to come, and thoughts of peace to wrap you in its gentle arms.

LadyLex504

Thanks everyone for your kind and gentle words. I'm taking all the advice, especially with me being patient during this journey. I realize now that this isn't a quick fix and that I need to gather as much information as I can while I'm in this waiting process. I do feel as though that I should spend as much time and do as many activities as possible with my kiddos while I'm in this stage of waiting. I know treatment is in my near future, although I don't know which treatment or treatments I'll need and I know that with treatment comes side effects. So I'm working to prepare myself mentally as much as I possibly can. All of this is extremely new to me, so I am taking it day by day.

ElaineTherese

LadyLex,

Spending time with your kids is a great idea, especially since it's summer and it's not as stressful as during the school year. (Not really looking forward to the "Did you do your homework?" nag here.) Yes, many treatments do have side effects, and you may not have as much energy for your kids then.Thankfully, it sounds like you have lots of family and friends around to help you out. I was really grateful that so many people stepped forward to help me out during treatment.

Hope your insurance gets approved soon and you can get your treatment going soon!

Best wishes!

Lovemyfurbabies

Hi lex. I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I'm 29 and was just diagnosed. I had a 2cm lump removed that nobody thought was cancer. The surgeon even told my momit was fibroids after removing it. I have an appt dec 1 to set up my treatment plan. The waiting is the hardest part because I feel like I'm not doing anything to stop this cancer. I'm ready to fight and put it behind me! I'm so glad you have people to pray with this also helps me. I haven't told a lot of people cuz I just don't want people to pity me or talk about me. You're right it is so hard to go about daily life when it is all you think about. I hope it will get better for us both. You're inspirational to me. Keep us posted

LadyLex504

Hey @Lovemyfurbabies!

I'm sorry you had to hear those horrible words "you have cancer." It definitely sucks. But here's what I realized during this time since diagnosis....

In the beginning, I was like, Ahhhhh, I have cancer, I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to do, what should I do, how should I feel. After issues with my doctor and insurance and all of the above, I told myself, "self, you know what.... you're still here, you are alive, you are young and vibrant, and you are going to beat this cancer by any means necessary. So just keep moving forward." And that's what I'm doing.

You feel how you want to feel, but once you're done feeling, pick yourself up and say to yourself, I GOT THIS! That self-talk really works. I can't lie, every once in awhile when I look in the mirror and see myself with no hair, I shed a tear or two, or 20, but then I tell myself, enough of that mess, let me rock this baldness, make it look good until my luscious curls come back.

And to those who are still finding out I have cancer, I make sure they can't give me that "pity face." I let them know, "hey, I have cancer, it sucks, but I'm good, make sure you touch your ta-ta's every now and then in the shower to make sure you don't have it." Then I crack a little joke and they realize, Lex is still the same ol' Lex.

I've come a long way mentally since diagnosis. And I know it's still early for you, but God has you my girl, and just knowing that will get you through anything. This Friday, after Thanksgiving will be my 5th round of Chemo, and yea, it sucks that I have to go right after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving use to be my favorite holiday up until now. I'm no longer looking forward to Thanksgiving because the next morning will be ChemoDay. Like every other ChemoDay, I will make the most of it. I will Snapchat, crack jokes, make videos to add to my YouTube channel and chop it up with the nurse, and hopefully me and my sis can catch some Black Friday sales afterwards.

I will definitely pray for your strength hunbun, and believe me, you are stronger than you think you are. If you want, you can hit me up anytime with anything. Me and my sis started a YouTube channel showing everything from diagnosis to now if you want to check it out. YOU GOT THIS GIRLIE!!!!

#LEXTHECONQUEROR

#CANCERSUCKS

#SOONTOBECANCERSURVIVOR

#FAITHOFAMUSTARDSEED

YOUTUBE: AMAZING ALEXIS

INSTAGRAM: @Lex_The_Conqueror

SnapChat: @LovelyLadyLarry

dcdrogers

@ladylex504

Thanks so much for sharing. I was just diagnosed last week. It seems like I should be breaking down, but for some reason I've gone into research/planning/organizing mode. My main concern is my family moreso than for myself. I'm sure that many women feel this way. I have my meeting with the MO the Monday after Thanksgiving. My BS has already told me that I'll probably need to start chemo before surgery and I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for that. I've already purchased 2 wigs for when chemo starts. Thanks also for sharing your youtube channel. I'll going to check it out.

~Dee

LadyLex504

Hey @dcdrogers!!!

Sorry we had to meet this way, but hey, we're all in a special super club now, and knowing that God has only chosen the strongest people to be apart of it says something special. A bit of advice I have is, don't be afraid to get a second opinion. With the experience I had, (I will copy and paste my last update) I will tell everyone I know, even if you love the doctor you're with, and you believe that he can do no wrong, get a second opinion anyway. It does't hurt. I'm sure you will beat this jerk called cancer, and then we will all come together for a kicked cancer's ass party (maybe virtually..lol). Stay positive, feel how you want to feel, and BE GREAT!! YOU GOT THIS!!!

LadyLex504

****HEY YOU GUYS!!!! THIS IS AN UPDATE OF WHERE I AM ON MY JOURNEY AND WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED SINCE JULY 12TH****

Hi Everyone!!!!

(Before you get to reading, I will be referencing two doctors here. I will refer to my first doctor as Dr. D and the new doctor as Dr. T… I hope I don't confuse you all)

It's been a little while since I've posted. Here's an update on what's been going on. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in July, and the first doctor, Dr. D, did not give me any information regarding what type of breast cancer I had except that all I needed to know is that I have breast cancer. This doctor was more concerned with BRCA results. So I waited about 3 to 4 weeks for BRCA results and during this time, I only met with Dr. D once. Once the results came in, I received a phone call from him, and then an appointment was set for me to meet with him. During that meeting, I informed him that I would like to move forward with a double mastectomy, although I did not know what type of cancer I had nor did I know what stage I was in. So, he agreed with my decision, and he proceeded to set me up with a plastic surgeon for reconstruction. He then told me that the plastic surgeon that he's sending me to is the only plastic surgeon he knows that will accept my type of insurance. He also told me that my type of insurance may not pay for a double mastectomy because only one of my breast has the cancer. Another week and a half went by before an appointment was set with the plastic surgeon and I received the run around from his office as well. During that time frame, my twin sister and I went hunting for another doctor because we felt that we knew nothing more about the type of cancer I had since being diagnosed and it has been almost two months since diagnosis, and three months if you count me finding the lump in early June. So, my sister and I called around to different hospitals looking for another doctor for a second opinion. Thank God we found someone within the same network in which I was diagnosed because he was able to pull up all my medical records. My first appointment with my new doctor, Dr. T, was very refreshing and scary at the same time. Before he examined me, he told me what type of breast cancer I had, which is Triple Negative and also told me that I'm stage 2. He explained to me that it's an aggressive form of cancer. He also explained to me the course of treatment I would need, which is chemotherapy. He told me that if I received chemotherapy before the mastectomy, then I would need 8 rounds and if I received it after the mastectomy, then I would only need 4 rounds, but no matter what, I had to receive chemo. After all my questions were answered, he examined me and saw that my tumor was way over 5cm. My tumor grew since diagnosis, although I kept telling my previous doctor, Dr. D, that it did grow, but he refuse to acknowledge it. Dr. T seemed very upset and told me that there was no reason for me to be waiting as long as I did to receive treatment for triple negative breast cancer. Dr. T said that I was dealing with borderline medical negligence.

I met with Dr. T on a Tuesday, he recommended a surgeon for me and I met with the surgeon on a Thursday, the surgeon worked me into his schedule to place my port on a Friday and I started chemotherapy that very next week. Look at how quickly the ball went rolling once I switched doctors. Due to the size of my tumor, I must receive 8 rounds of chemo before surgery. November 4th was my fourth round of chemo, (the Red Devil) and I've been taking it well. My next four rounds of chemo will be with Taxol. Believe it or not, I started this post with the intent to get you guys experience with Taxol and one word led to another and next thing you know, I have a whole 3-page essay. Sorry it's so lengthy you guys. I'm in the homestretch with these chemo treatments, and I am a bit nervous with this next four rounds. So, if anyone can share their experience with Taxol that may help ease my nerves, I would greatly appreciate it.

#LexTheConqueror

#CancerSucks

#SoonToBeBreastCancerSurvivor

Follow my Journey on YouTube: Amazing Alexis

LadyLex504

This is me a couple days ago... I had a minute where I shed some tears about my hair being gone, but then i realized..IT'S COOL OUTSIDE!!!, I have a hat that I haven't been able to wear for years because my hair was SO BIG!!!... LOL!!! So wiped my tears, grabbed my hat and was out the door.

My aunt made me an awesome wig that we spray painted pink for a Breast Cancer event in October. I was chosen to have my make-up done for free by a professional make-up artist...but to my surprise, I was chosen because I was one of the women being honored at the event for inspiring others. That day was AMAZING!!!

voraciousreader

lex...wow! Your inner strength and beauty radiates from your smile. I cannot advise you on chemo because I wasn't offered it. Just wanted you to know how thoughtful it was of you to share your update with us. I wish you well during these next few months of active treatment and hope the many years ahead will only be filled with joy and happiness. Happy Thanksgiving..keeping you and all our sisters especially those in active treatment n my thoughts and prayers....

Lovemyfurbabies

Thanks so much for answering. You gave me a lot of comfort and hope. You look beautiful in your pictures and so happy. You inspire me to have that same great attitude. I will remind myself that I've got this. Thank you for everything. I will be thinking of you and praying for you as well!

LadyLex504

Hi EVERYONE!!!!! I just wanted to post an update!!!! I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!! I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO BE DONE WITH THIS PARTICULAR STAGE. I met with my plastic surgeon last Friday, and I'm scheduled for my mastectomy with tissue expander March 15th... after Mardi Gras. So I'm excited to be able to feel a tad bit normal and go to all the parades and have fun with the rest of the family before the next chapter begins. My onc. told me that I will have 30 radiation treatments before the completion of my reconstruction. I still have a long road ahead of me, but I'm just happy to be done with chemo!!!!!

voraciousreader

lexi! You have such a great sense of humor! It is intoxicating! Keep keeping us posted!😘 Gentle hug