Obsessed with Cancer, Treatment, Reconstruction

Frill

I'm so freaking sick of cancer. It's consuming all my thinking. I don't want to do rads because I'm going to look terrible after recon, I don't want to take Tamoxifen because it's just going to ruin my life. When I was EIGHT I was obsessed with having BC and here I am, I have it. I am online looking at crap all the time. I wouldn't be except my DX doc was like, and this was the day I got the news, "Have you looked at reconstruction pictures, done online research?" When I had an aneurysm, my doc said I would only drive myself crazy and to stay away, so I did. My nails are a mess. Sex is starting to get difficult and I did so well until one chemo left. (Not living at home)

Now I'm in the ER for shortness of breath that's been going on since the last chemo. They can't find a reason. I have to be back in 12 hours. I'm about to get dressed and leave. Something is causing this crap and it's not my head. I didn't go from hauling a 50 lb backpack all over this hospital to not being able to change the sheets on my bed in my head.

And why hasn't anyone said anything about the 20 pounds I've lost in the last couple of months? We all know that isn't a BC chemo pressie.

I don't know about the type of recon I picked, as in, should I do something else? Why did we decide this? It's been so long I forgot. The LE is driving me nuts and trying to get insurance to cover treatment for it is overwhelming

Thanks for listening. I'm getting dressed.

Jenwith4kids

Hi Frill,

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I also had shortness of breath - can't remember where in my treatment I was. But they immediately did a lung CT to rule out any pulmonary problems. That came back normal. I was told to take my ativan every 6-8 hours whether I needed it or not (up until that time I was only taking it as needed, before appointments, etc.). So I did that and it worked, I relaxed.

It sounds like your mind is going a mile a minute - are you talking to someone? My treatment center had a social worker - she helped me tremendously.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. You aren't alone. Cancer sucks and it sucks the damn life out of you! PS: that doctor sounds like an idiot - I might have punched him!

Feel better my friend.

Jen

fleur-de-lis

Frill, if you are at MDA they have a legion of social workers. If you are not able to "connect" with any of them (and connecting to the right one is important, mentally) see if you can get a referral to a Psychologist Ph.D,who specializes in those with a cancer DX. If you are unable to find one who specializes in Cancer, perhaps a doctor who dealing in chronic illnesses.

Another option is finding a good Psychiatrist who can, perhaps look at any med's that you are taking to see if they might be causing excessive weight loss, etc. This level of Psych Doctor is a MD. and would be able to script you out something that might deal with the anxiety better than what you are receiving right now?

Just some thoughts....