Well, its the next day... now what?? yikes

Penster12

Just got my DX yesterday with my husband and sister.. I was told by the radiologist that he was pretty sure it was cancer and gave me reasons why... But, said, its small so we should have a good prognosis... So I was fine, prepared and ready for the "results" meeting in a few days... and I was ok with it,, until I was taken to a "family waiting room" and then a team of three came in carrying this that and the other thing.... Well, this doesnt look good... and it wasnt. then I started to cry, really cry for the first time in 2 weeks...(since I first felt the lump). I just can shake the "thinking about it"... I just want to do my work and go about my day, but it just keeps creeping in my head.. I know Im going to be 100% once this is cut out of me, only a cm big.. but why cant I shake the darn thoughts...

Moderators

Oh Penster, we're so sorry you have to be here with us, too, but we're really, really glad you found us!

We just know you'll find lots of support here in our amazing Community! There are many helpful members here who know exactly what you're going through and can empathize with how you're feeling. Please come back often, ask lots of questions, engage, and support others and you'll find your membership here truly rewarding!

We look forward to hearing more from you soon. Please know in the meantime we're ALL here for you!

--The Mods

HolaSandy

Penster, I'm so sorry you're in this boat but you will find so so so much support here! That initial shock and fear is the worst. I saw on another thread someone saying that the more you move along in this process and the more information you gather, you will eventually feel less fearful. For me, that came after receiving the results of all of my scans back and once I'd started chemo. I think for everyone, it's different. Just keep in mind that you won't always have "the thoughts" and you will find your new normal. Allow yourself to be upset and do what you have to do to get through each day. Take care and we are all here for you!! Wishing you all the best throughout this process.

mustlovepoodles

I think just about everybody goes through this thing with the intrusive thoughts. It's probably due to the 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial — The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
2. Anger — When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".
3. Bargaining — The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.

Now, one thing to note is that we don't go through the stages of grief in a straight line from denial to acceptance. Rather, we deal with the stages of grief in a bit of a spiral, hopping from one to another, eventually starting over and doing it again. Do we all eventually accept our lot? Maybe. I don't like having cancer and I was pretty upset and depressed, at one point. For me, medication was the right thing. It helped me cope with the surgeries and chemo. I've been at it for a year now and I have finally accepted that this if my new normal. I don't worry about dying so much; if the cancer recurs, then it does. Recently my husband was diagnosed with very aggressive prostate cancer, so I feel like we're getting on that merry-go-round again. Interestingly, we have been at different stages of grief all along, so we find we have to be gentle with each other. It's a process.

Sending you soothing thoughts. Once you have a game plan, things will probably settle down. Having a diagnosis, but no plan, is the worst part of this BC experience, IMO.

octogirl

Penster, yesterday when I went to have a mammogram done, there was a woman crying in the waiting room, with her husband and her sister.......I realize the odds are very, very tiny that was you (you aren't in Central CA are you?) but it could have been you. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't reach out: it just felt like too private of a moment for me to hand her a card with the bco website, or my phone number or something...but since you are here, I can tell you: as Poodles says above, the waiting really is the worst. Things *will* feel better with a game plan, I am so sorry you must be here but please do stick around. There is a lot of wonderful support from the women here.

Sending many gentle hugs!

Octogirl