Skin mets

Anonymous

NineTwelve - this is why for de novo ladies I think there needs to be a rethink as to first line treatment and consideration for surgery at the start or at the very least less of this handwaving 'oh well its already escaped so... *shrug*. When my primary rewoke and was overcoming Ibrance (which didn't work so hot on the primary anyway), in the words of the radiologist it was 'coming up through the skin'. It too easily could have gone real wrong real fast and its not like I get breast exams at the onc unless I request her to look at something. Skin mets really worry me, though, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of discussion about them at all.

I hope you can get settled in a much better situation, but don't beat yourself up about the past. You have a chance to make it better now.

NineTwelve

Thank you, Sondra! After an evening of self-nurturing, and watching a 1960's melodrama about a dying woman (Stolen Hours - so silly), I am feeling a little better this morning.

It still worries me, often and a lot, that our diagnosis is so poorly understood by even professionals. I feel deeply ashamed of my "cancer breast". It looks like I've been deliberately avoiding treatment. It looks like I won't take a doctor's orders, and that makes me worry that I won't receive the same care outside my oncologist's office.

But I've decided, after reading some physician reviews, to ask for a second opinion at my current cancer center, after the next scan. I chose a female MO, based on an online review from a breast cancer patient who received breast exams at office visits. I have been asking for exams, but have only gotten one or two in the six years I've been with my oncologist. He's a great doctor, but I think we are both uncomfortable with breast exams, and I think it's in my best interest to see someone who has a comfort level with that. He likes looking at scans, not bodies. But the last time I got a scan, the radiologist assumed I had had surgery and dismissed everything he saw on my right breast. I had to call them and demand a revision on the report. It turns out that the placement of tumors in my breast is not good for the kind of scans I've been getting.

I'm also confronting the level at which our culture's systemic misogyny has formed my beliefs. I have an unconscious "idea" that women's time is less valuable than a man's. It is easier for me to ask questions whenever I am seeing a woman provider in a healthcare setting; easier for me to feel like I "deserve" their time. Funny how a physical challenge can lead to emotional and mental adjustments along the way.

This weekend I try to relax and focus on good things. Next week I pick up the phone and try to negotiate the next round.