How do you find working?

Olive4

Hello to all,

I hope it is OK to post here. I did post in the section waiting for test results but it was suggested I would probably get better feedback here.

I just have had a core biospy for architectural distortion - Cat 4C so 50% - 95% of a malignant diagnosis. Results will be with me in 7-10 working days.

I was just wondering how many of you managed to stay at work whilst awaiting results or if you have been diagnosed with BC did you manage to stay working?

I am off right now as mentally I don't feel I can cope with work and if I am diagnosed with BC I am wondering how I will have the strength to work. I am not a strong person as you can tell! I just wonder how people find being at work? Does it help or is it stressful? At the minute I can't imagine facing work plus I work in the health field so not sure if I have anything to give right now.

Thanks, Olive

Reckless

I was working when I was undergoing the MRI, then the biopsy, then going to consults with surgeons, plastic surgeons and radiation oncologists at 3 places. I told my boss right away what's going on after I got the diagnosis. Worked until one day before the surgery. It was odd working - everything seemed so insignificant compared to what was going on with me. My mind was constantly on things concerning the diagnosis and treatments. I did manage to get the work done, though, and it was better than staying home where I would have been thinking about the disease 100% of the time. But, it was hard to cope with panic attacks at work and I was very uncomfortable making/ taking Doctor calls where my colleagues could hear me.

Olive4

Wow you are a strong woman! That gives me hope, thank you. Did you tell your work colleagues in the end?

I hope all is going well for you now Reckless.

Reckless

No, I am back at work after the mastectomy and still have not. Not strong at all, unable to make important decisions about other things (like the ooph).

CJSharma

I'm working. I have a desk job and the ability to work from home as needed, so it's easy for me. I did end up taking one day off simply because I was too tired from chemo to think straight. But it was only one day. My boss is incredible and the team I work with knows and have gone above and beyond. I am really blessed. I wanted to work because I knew otherwise, I would be staring at the walls, worried about everything under the sun. I need to keep my mind occupied otherwise it goes places it should not.

mustlovepoodles

I found that working while waiting helped keep me from constantly perseverating on my worry.  Not that I still didn't think about it all the time, but it really did help me to have some other things that needed my full attention.   I only work part-time, thankfully, so I was able to continue to work through most of chemo--I think I took off about 5 days during the whole 12 weeks of chemo. I really only took time off for recovery from surgeries.

If you feel like you've become too incapacitated to work, maybe call your doctor and ask for something for your anxiety. A lot of us, a LOT,  have needed some medication to help us through the experience. Especially if you do ultimately find out that you have breast cancer.  It has nothing to do with being strong. You will do what you have to do.  I was diagnosed with PTSD, as a result of my breast cancer experiences. My doctor was able to put me on a couple meds that have helped me regain my equilibrium, including something to help me SLEEP without bad dreams.

Janetanned

I worked (high school teacher) throughout my diagnoses and treatment. As someone mentioned above, I found that work kept me sane and less focused on the negative aspects of this disease. It gave me a reason to get up every morning. I did take 6 weeks off to recover from BMX with immediate DIEP reconstruction. That was unavoidable. I also took off every chemo day (8 Fridays). I felt well enough to return to work on the Mondays following chemo.

I work in a small private special education school, so I felt I needed to share my diagnoses with my coworkers because we are really close. My boss was very understanding having gone through this with his mother. He encouraged me to go home early when my classes were done and he always checked on how I was feeling. My coworkers were also very understanding and did not expect me to take on any extra responsibilities. I had the luxury of not having young children at home, so I could collapse once I got home from work.

Many of my students knew that I was dealing with a health issue, so they became sensitive to how I was feeling and behaved accordingly. Some even told me later that I inspired them to work harder even though they might not be feeling 100%.

I must admit that I really felt physically and mentally well enough to continue working. If I didn't, I would not have worked. It is a personal decision that must be decided based on what the individual needs and can handle.

Sjacobs146

I worked through everything. I took 2 days off for lumpectomy, 4 days for chemo treatments, and 2 days off for a UTI that landed me in the ER. I was close enough to the hospital to do rads during my lunch hour. I could have taken as much time off as I wanted, but when I was home I obsessed over everything. Working kept my mind off the Cancer. I did tell my co-workers because it's hard to hide all of the appointments. Plus my wig was a little different than my hair, so folks that I worked closely with would be able to tell the difference

Ingerp

I agree that the *last* thing I'd want during this process is absolutely nothing else to think about other than bc. I've kept working throughout, plus the last weekend in June one of my kids is getting married. At my house. And the next day we're hosting a pig roast for 150 people. Kind of wacky but in hindsight it's been a *great* distraction. I think the busier you can stay with anything but appointments/surgeries/planning meetings/treatments, the better off you'll be mentally.

Angtee15

Olive I will be hoping for benign results for you!

I worked full-time while awaiting my biopsy results up through the start of chemo treatments. I remember feeling numb and pretty out of it during that time.

Through chemo I worked part-time (24 hrs-week) mainly from home. It was helpful to feel normal I guess. After my BMX I have not worked at all--taking five weeks short term disability to recover from surgery and to just basically heal my mind and body from everything that has transpired since diagnosis. I feel really good.

Olive4

Ladies you are truly inspiring. I am just in a bad place right now. I know I am not diagnosed yet but I am expecting it given my probability. I am finding it hard to think of anything else and just look forward to going to bed at night. I don't want to really leave the house. I know it's not healthy but I just can't seem to leave this dark place. If I am diagnosed I won't want everyone knowing. I live in a small community and people enjoy "chatting". I hope I can take some inspiration from you all and find some way of leaving my dark place. Maybe I can get back to work soon, I would have to force myself to be there and I work in the health field so not sure that would keep my mind off of everything. Mmmmm

MsPharoah

Olive....I hope that you will talk to your pcp and get a prescription for some anti-anxiety medication....Ativan?? This is such a difficult time for most of us. I remember how I felt waiting for results and then waiting for a treatment plan and worrying about how people would treat me if they knew I was sick. AAAACK!! All that waiting was so hard and yet I had things to do, because logic told me that I wasn't falling off a cliff! The sad thing is that going about normal business, including working, is usually helpful, so you need to tackle that first and foremost. Do you have someone who you can lean on during this time?
Love and Hugs, MsP

Olive4

Thanks for your post MsP, yes I have a great husband and family but am just so very down and depressed and can't seem to get myself out of this dark hole. I have Ativan which I take at night and that's my favorite part of the day as I can shut off. I feel ashamed to feel like this as I haven't even been diagnosed as yet, just waiting, and there are so many ladies on here that are getting on with their lives with their diagnoses and that's fantastic. I truly believe I will get a malignant result and I know there are treatments and lots of hope but I don't feel like fighting or going on this journey. I sound selfish I know and have been told I have to get myself out of this but at the minute I have no energy to try. Sorry for this depressing post but it's just how I feel.

muska

Like others have said, working was a very good thing for me during the treatment which lasted exactly a year in my case. It did help switching the mind to something other than cancer at least for eight hours a day. I think I would have gone nuts if I were not working.

I spoke to my oncologist about work before I started treatment. She said in her 30+ years of experience she observed all kinds of situations but for "workaholics" like myself she recommends to continue working. She said we fair better emotionally and mentally if we (=workaholics) continue working. I concur. That being said Ativan was at my bed table for that first year. Nothing wrong with it, it's better to have a good night sleep than no sleep, especially when you have to get up early and drag yourself to work no matter what.

MsPharoah

Olive, this is a safe place to share. Hugs!

MsP

ml143333

Olive - never feel ashamed at what you are feeling - we've all been there at one time or another.

I worked from waiting for the diagnosis through the end of chemo. I took 2 weeks off for my BMX and reconstruction and took every Friday of chemo off and some Mondays if I wasn't feeling well. I just took another 2 weeks off to fix some of the plastic surgery.

Overall, it was pretty doable. My bosses have been great. One is a survivor, so she knew what I was going through.

Unbreakable01

I worked up until the day before surgery. I had a close relationship with my boss and let her know what was going on. I told my coworkers the day after I found out.

I was a corporate trainer, and on the days I had to train my mind went onto the topic at hand. My mind would wander while at my desk. Working was better for my sanity.

Runner70

when I got called back for a repeat mammogram I thought nothing of it. I'm always getting called back. Even when told I needed a biopsy I wasn't worried. "Just a precaution", I told myself. Didn't really give it another thought until 3 days later I got the call that changed my life forever. I lost it. I got so depressed and felt paralyzed. I took the rest of that week off because I couldn't think straight.

During chemo I worked all through it and even ran a half marathon. But my last 2 treatments hit me hard and I became too tired. I think I worked 5 days in May. I have a physically demanding job and to add to my stress, I'm self employed so I've been very grateful I have an emergency fund. I don't have any sick leave benefits. I'm starting back part time on Monday. Hopefully I'm ready. I'm making myself crazy sitting home alone thinking about recurrences and stuff.

I think everyone is different. We all respond different to chemo and all of us have different degrees of stress at work. You just have to figure out what works for you.

sensitivehrt

Hi Olive

Just thought I'd pop in and give my experience as well.  I had my first mammogram Feb, 26th followed up by a core biopsy on March 1st and Dx March 7th.  I worked during this time, sometimes with little to no sleep.  The waiting is the worse.  I worked up until a week before my surgery.  Took a week of vacation before, went and visited a friend who had been thru cancer herself and also to help prepare stuff around the house before surgery.  My BS gave me 6 weeks off from work after, as my job can have heavy lifting.  I'm 28 days out today and still have 2 more weeks off.  I'm still a little stiff and sore, but could probably attempt to go back to work now, but work wants me to take the full 6 weeks off, to completely heal.  I still have to meet with MO to see what further treatment I might need.  Little anxious about that. 

Wishing you the best and hoping for B9 results for you.  Hang in there. 

Olive4

Thanks ladies for all your input and insights. I'm not sure if being at home right now is a good thing or not. I think a lot at home and struggle to get out of my dark place despite a fantastic husband and children to keep me going. I haven't had a day go by since I started this short journey where I haven't cried so am scared about going to work and breaking down. I don't want all my work colleagues knowing my business. It's a tough one. I am hoping I get results next week or if not then it will be the week after. That way I can at least make some sort of plan to move forward.

Happiness and peace to all.

Mom4four

Olive! I am a very private person so for me it was best to not tell anyone at all until my diagnosis was known. I had my follow up mammogram, ultra sound and biopsy then met with the dr before I told my children. ( I am single) I waited till after my MRI, PET scan and two more biopsies and second opinion before I told co workers. That was just me. I guess I was trying to keep everything normal because I struggle with depression and know how debilitating it can be.

So I worked after telling everyone and I was glad I worked but I did not have the best focus or do my best work, it was best for me because I needed my sick leave for after surgery. Do what is best for you. It is hard waiting, I will be sending you positive thoughts and strength

mustlovepoodles

dear Olive, it sounds like your Ativan is not really helping you as much as it should. There are a lot of other medications that could possibly help you more. There is no shame in taking medication to help you over this difficult time. And it may take more than just the Ativan to do it. Since you are so depressed and miserable I would strongly recommend that you call your doctor on Monday morning and let them know exactly what's going on with you. You do not have to stay in this hole.

mustlovepoodles

incidentally, I was very careful about who I told about my diagnosis. I did not put it all over Facebook because I didn't want to be the topic of idle gossip. I told my mother and my four siblings and I told my Sunday school class because I knew they would be supportive. And they were. I have no family in this whole state, but my Sunday school class stepped in the gap and provided several meals for us over a period of three months. I told my boss because I knew I was going to have to seek a flexible schedule. He has been fabulous. He went through all this with his mother last year so he really understood my situation. Other than those people I didn't tell anybody else except the people here at BCO.

Olive4

Thanks so much for your post mustlovepoodles.

Today is a better day actually, I think it's the one day I haven't been teary!

I will certainly contact my doctor should I feel the dark hole is consuming me again. It's a hard place to be and hard for people around me to see me in that place too.

If my biopsy turns out to be BC I think I will try and keep it to myself apart from.talking to a few close friends. I'm not one for having everyone know my business and certainly wouldn't want anything on social media as that is not for me.

Do you have children? That is my main worry. Do you tell them or not? I know I don't have my diagnosis yet but I think about things. I know one step at a time but I am always ahead of myself!

Smurfette26

Hoping you get a benign result Olive4. How old are your children? Mine are grown so was different for me but I didn't tell them until I had a cancer confirmation. I found I had to take my time telling people. Just one or two at a time. I did tell some via message. Explaining that I wasn't up to talking but would be in touch when I was feeling stronger. I never shared on social media. I live in a small town too so after my hair loss it was quite obvious that I was a cancer patient. Sending positive vibes.

sensitivehrt did you have any nodes removed? You said your job involves heavy lifting. You will need to be very careful with that. I suppose your Physical Therapist discussed that with you? Wishing you well with further treatment.

Olive4

Thanks so much for your post mustlovepoodles.

Today is a better day actually, I think it's the one day I haven't been teary!

I will certainly contact my doctor should I feel the dark hole is consuming me again. It's a hard place to be and hard for people around me to see me in that place too.

If my biopsy turns out to be BC I think I will try and keep it to myself apart from.talking to a few close friends. I'm not one for having everyone know my business and certainly wouldn't want anything on social media as that is not for me.

Do you have children? That is my main worry. Do you tell them or not? I know I don't have my diagnosis yet but I think about things. I know one step at a time but I am always ahead of myself!

sensitivehrt

Smurfette26- only 3 SNB on the left side, all negative. I've healed fairly well from surgery and was never referred to PT.  I will have to see if the BS puts on any restrictions for work once I'm released on June 17th.  I work at an assisted living and mainly pass meds. But we have med carts to push and or I push resident's in wheelchairs.  I also occasionally help caregivers lift residents, but know I need to be careful.  I'll ease into it and adjust accordingly.  Also waiting to see what the rest of my "treatment" is going to be.

mustlovepoodles

Olive, I think you are getting waaaay ahead of yourself. Don't borrow worry from the future. If your biopsy turns out to be BC, well, there will be plenty of time to grieve. And if it turns out to not be cancer, you don't want to have wasted your hours and days being upset about something that isnt even going to happen.

Hope you get your answers this week. The not knowing is the worst part of this business.

kellychameleon

Olive, I'm so sorry you've been going through this. The waiting and initial diagnosis were so incredibly depressing to me, it was hard to function. I did continue to work but didn't have a choice there - I'm the business owner. Once I got a treatment plan, and started treatment, my mental state improved so much. My doctors have been very encouraging, and I've just tried to keep the mindset that although it sucks right now, I'll get through it. I was able to work through all of my chemo treatments (other than treatment days and some days where I just felt like crap). I was lucky that the side effects never hit me too hard. I am now recovering from surgery (double mastectomy last week) and am taking the month off. I have staff at the office that are dependable and can handle things while I'm gone, and I'm just checking in periodically. For me, being able to focus on work was very helpful. I think I would have fallen into deep depression if I stayed home and just focused on the cancer. I know that's not realistic for everyone, but for me, it was really the best thing.

Regarding kids, I have a 6 and 3 year old (she was 2 at the time of diagnosis). I did not talk to them about it until right before starting treatment. With my 6 year old, I just explained that I was going to have to start taking medicine that was going to make me tired and lose my hair, but that it would grow back and that it was temporary. My husband told her that she would need to help out with her younger sister and help out with more chores around the house. She has been really great with it. My younger one is pretty oblivious to everything. I am extremely lucky in that I have a very involved husband, and my parents and in laws both live within 5 miles, are retired, and willing and able to help out tons with childcare.

Anyway, hopefully this is all a moot point, and it turns out not to be cancer! If it is, you have found a great community with lots of great folks that you can vent to and lean on for support.

mustlovepoodles

Oh, and another thing...I didn't tell ANYONE (except DH )not even my mother, until I had my results, my plan, and a start date in hand. My kids are in their 20s, but still...they took it well, I think, because by that time I felt more in control of things. I told them flat-out that I'M NOT GOING TO DIE. Period. I refuse!

My grandmother had cancer 5 times, including BC at my same age (59), and 2 bouts of colon cancer. She lived to be 76,despite it all. I am determined to be like her--too stubborn to kick the bucket.

mlopez77

Hello Olive. Praying for benign results for you. I continued working and running my kids around while waiting for my results. We had planned a vacation for the week of Easter. My BS told me not to cancel my vacation. She called me the Monday after Easter with my malignant results. Ughhh. I too work in the Healthcare field. I am a RN and work as a nurse informatist. I am in charge of an entire hospital and 9 clinics. It was very hard to keep my diagnosis private. I had to prepare everyone for my time off and introduce and train my temporary replacement. I worked up until the day of my surgery.

Everyone has been so supportive. I just took this job last July. I am fairly new. The nurses at the hospital put together a Meal train for 4 weeks. They brought dinner to my house for a whole month after my bilateral mastectomy with tissue expander placement. They sent cards, brownies, gift baskets, gift cards, they still continue to stop by once a week to check on me. I don't know how I would have made it through this without them. You'd be surprised with how many people have fought this fight, and you didn't even know. Once I shared my story with them, at least 10 woman that I worked with daily shared their breast cancer journey with me.

I too went to a very dark place after my diagnosis. I never questioned the bilateral mastectomy. My grandmother died at 53 and my mom at 52 from breast cancer. I had tried to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy 10 years ago, but it was denied by insurance. However, I wasn't prepared for the treatment after the bilateral mastectomy. I had only contemplated having the mastectomy prior to being diagnosed. I questioned taking treatment. Why? I have a genetic mutation BRCA2 and CHEK2. It's the same cancer my grandma and mom had. Look at their outcome. Why would it be any different for me? Why was I going to poison my body with chemo and be sick if I was just going to die at 50? Why not enjoy these years and not be sick from treatment?

I had to do some deep soul searching and pull myself out of that. My life has a purpose and I strongly believe that my purpose on this earth has not been met. I am a strong woman. You are strong as well. Anyone facing this is strong. Don't you dare tell yourself any different. I am going to live to see my children graduate, go to college, start a career, get married, and meet my grandchildren. (Hopefully and preferably in that order.) I am not going to give up. I have so much to live for. So many things that I want to accomplish. I am not my mother or my grandmother. I refuse to let this disease take over my life. I am going to beat this. I can't do it on my own. I need the support of my family, my friends, my community, my breast cancer sisters. I share my story because I want to bring awareness to this disease. I want woman to do monthly breast exams. I am a nurse. It is my job to educate people on how to care for themselves and advocate for themselves.

Please know that you are not alone in this fight. Treatment has come so far in the last 10 years. I started chemo on May 31st. It was nothing like when my mom went through chemo. I kept waiting for something to happen when I came home. No nausea, no vomiting, a few mouth sores, nothing medicine couldn't heal, a little fatigue. Not too bad.

I have not worked since my bilateral mastectomy on April 25th. I had a rough recovery from that surgery. I needed 5 weeks to recover. I personally feel like I could go back to work during chemo, but my oncologist and my fiance want me to focus on me and taking care of me. They have me off until October. I know not everyone can take off 6 months from work. However, I must admit I am going a little stir crazy in this house. We may have to discuss my leave after I finish Adriamycin and Cytoxan next month.

Please keep us updated on how you're doing. Sending hugs, love and light

Mandy