Very little emotional support from husband

efletcher

I was diagnosed in February and up until treatment actually started my husband has been kind and as caring as he's capable of being. Now he is mean when I get upset...crying, angry, etc. I'm beginning to feel that he doesn't believe that I have pain, am afraid or have any emotions. I've tried to talk to him with no positive results. I'm 3 weeks post bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstruction and will beginning chemo in the next few weeks. I feel like he doesn't care, doesn't desire to give me emotional support, is disgusted by my body, and is angry with me for changing our lives. I'm depressed and anxious about what's to come as well as his every reaction to my existence. He keeps questioning when I will return to work...I'm a cna and I don't have an answer for that. I'm also hoping to return to nursing school, the pressure of all these things without the emotional support of the person I thought cared about me is making me feel more useless than I already do.I have my family which without them I would be lost, but I desperately need the support and love of my husband. Does anyone have any advice or just kind words? TIA

farmerlucy

I'm sorry things are so rough at home. I know my DH was very relieved when I started meeting with a counselor from my church for about a hour a week. I knew he needed a break and so did I. Is there a social worker at your hospital who might be able to talk with you or recommend someone.

The Stephen Minister program I used at our church is not only for the person going through treatment, but family members can get their own Stephen Minister. I could try to find a program for you if you would like. Also, Immerman Angels offers mentor angels who have a similar diagnosis to you and are father along the road. All contact is make by phone or email. They know what you are going through as they have been there.

I know sometimes you feel totally alone. It is a terrible feeling.

I'll bet your husband is grieving for you and for your old life. He loves you and just wants you back.

It always helps for each person in the marriage to have someone to talk to. I hope things improve very soon. Everything is so fresh right now. Sending you a caring hug.

LifeAloft

efletcher, I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend of 5 years. It's very frustrating when the person who is supposed to be there for you and your rock doesn't act that way. You are not alone.

grammakathy

I've been married many, many years and love my husband but there is this thing he likes to do - fix things. Once my Mx was done, the BS told him I was "cured" and had no more cancer. He was relieved and expected me to be back to normal - immediately, if not sooner. I had done a lot more research but was still surprised when the MO told me I might still have other treatments ahead of me and wouldn't know what until the Oncotype DX results came back. I believe my treatments were harder on my husband than they were on me. He wanted it all fixed and that wasn't possible. Meanwhile, I was learning from each appointment and making decisions along the way. Hang in there and understand that men deal differently with health issues that are out of their control. Focus on yourself and talk to people who have been through it, and get it. And on this website, there are so many women and men who have been there. Hugs.

efletcher

Thank you ladies...it helps to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like the lone Ranger. I know men are a little numb sometimes, but I don't think they realize how their actions effect us. Thank you for the helpful and wise advice. Positive thoughts and lots of hugs to all of you.

myra104

That's why we are here❤️ We all get it, no matter how busy life gets or friends and family stop sending love, we do!

My husband and I just started therapy two months ago, trying to keep it together because we have young children but we both are angry and hurt. I was the one that had to get control of my reactive behavior, and on tamoxifen😳😁 so hard ,but I did it! Now it's like a spotlight on his shortcomings.

Take care of YOU sister!! Much love❤️❤️❤️

Notreadytorolloverndie

I am so sorry that he is not being kind. I know it's scary for him but it is even scarier for you and kindness is free.

I have a husband who ignores my reality as I have two differrent precursors for two types of BC. I am waiting for my MRI and he has never asked me how I am coping. Well, enough about me, i haven't been diagnosed but I fear that my husband will also be unkind to me as he is very neglectful of me at the best of times.

I think the learning is that perhaps the guy we thought we married us not so. People change is crisis. i hope you cling to your family, find more support groups, and know that you are beautiful. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and I want to be a friend for you. Please reach out to me and I can at least lend a place to vent.

Best,